Ramblings of An Insomniac

Dear Sleep,
Come to me, my love, I have spread the doors open wide. Pull me in a long, loving embrace and leave me mesmerized. Whisper to me sweet-nothings so I forget all the hurt & pain that's breaking me down. Caress me, hypnotize me, make me numb so that in my misery I don't drown. Oh Sleep, why have you left my side? Why don't you wipe away these tears that I have cried? Where's your faithfulness, why have you left me all alone? Why, when you know that I'm already on my own? Come forth, let me drink the poison of your love! Take me away, I no longer have any value...I'm but a wing-less dove...
Love,
Insomniac

Scrambled Thoughts

Salam 3alykm,
Been gaming all day since I came back. Al7amdulillaah everything went well, and missing everyone back there. Since last night tho, been feeling down. I don't know what to say or what to do, I just hope Allah gets this feeling away from me.

Who am I now, and what was I before? My past haunts me...it won't let me live my life peacefully. Every time I'm happy, a bitter-sweet memory brings me down...it isn't fair, but al7amdulillaah 3ela kil 7aal. I've lived a life of m3a9y, and now I'm trying to live a righteous life, but it's really hard. There are so many distractions, there are so many obstacles set by Shay6an and his army, that one begins to feel hopeless...I've fallen in their trap quite a number of times..unfortunately..A 7deeth: عن أنس رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: يأتي على الناس زمان الصابر فيهم على دينه كالقابض على جمر - رواه الترمذي و أبو داود

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? Has that time already come?

When I think of those who tried to manipulate my thoughts and integrate them into their own, I don't feel any anger towards them; they all taught me valuable lessons which will help me through-out my life. When I think of those sugar-coated knives, I smile. No, not because I'm insane, but because they let their true selves shine through. I wasn't left in the dark for very long, al7amdulillah. I'd like to know one thing though: which 7asid(a) can't bear to see me happy? Which unfortunate person prefers to see me suffering and in pain? I have a lot of enemies, I know that for sure. But my enemies are dearer to me, maybe even more than my friends. Why? No, not because I'm starking mad...but because I learn from them too.

I close my eyes for a few seconds, and my life passes me by in flash-backs, yet I rarely see the good times I've had. Is it because I'm a pessimist? I do not know. This time I went, I was told I've changed. Have I? But change is good, isn't it? Women told me: you've grown up all too suddenly; you're only 18, but you seem much older, what's troubling you?

Al7amdulillaah, Allah is el'3afoor wer R7eem; I'm at peace with myself now, at least. Even though half the time my past leaves me in tears, I know they'll dry up some time or the other, and that there is some genuine person out there who can replace them with my smile.

Al7amdulillah, I know I am blessed; I learnt that on this trip. Does it matter if people once fooled me, and had me thinking I was worth something? No, I know I was Shay6an's tool for a while; I was used to lure someone close to their Deen astray. After all,النساء حبائل الشيطان

Depression is a Ra7mah al7amdulillah, a ni3ma. Yet again, I repeat...NO, I am NOT insane; when a person falls into depression, that's usually his/her turning-point. There is no one in the world left for him/her besides Allah. Haven't you noticed? When a person is in trouble, or facing misery in life, that's when they go " Ya Allah! Please get me out of this, and I will never disobey you again!" When a calamity befalls one, then they remember, we still have our Creator.

Sub7anallah! Everything in life happens for a reason, and I take all my experiences as lessons, of which the mistakes, I try NOT to repeat again.

Look at the irony; we pray 5 times a day, and we repeat this Ayah countless times; but do we really STICK to it? إياك نعبد و إياك نستعين
You Alone do we Worship, and You Alone do we ask for Help

Sub7anallah...if that was the case, I don't think we'd still be wandering around aimlessly in the darkness that has enveloped our lives...
Come to think of it, maybe I have lost my sanity, and so can't think straight anymore. But Al7amdulillah, as long as I'm focused on my Deen, I'm happy in whatever condition My Lord wills for me to be in. I've lived both lives; one of misery and darkness, and one of peace and tranquility...ألا بذكر الله تطمإن القلوب

One last, yet important request I want to leave you all with; our Deen is being distorted. People are coming up with the CRAZIEST of ways and incorporating them in Deen el7a8 lil2asaf el shadeed, and saying that we are the true Muslims, and those who don't follow these ways aren't.
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: يكون في آخر الزمان دجالون كذابون يأتونكم من الأحاديث بما لم تسمعوا أنتم و لا آباؤكم فإياكم و إياهم لا يضلونكم و لا يفتنونكم - رواه مسلم

I will give you one example of this; a group in Pakistan being lead by a FEMALE by the name of Dr. Farhat Hashmi. This woman has spread SO MUCH fitna around the world, it's unbelievable. She comes out with the most ludicrous fatawa, for instance: women can read the Qur'aan during 7ai'9, or women can delay their prayers if they're at a party and have make-up on. Why? Performing w'9oo2 will result in the removal of such costly make-up, which in turn will be a waste of money. YES! This is HAPPENING! She has a HUGE crowd of followers AROUND THE GLOBE!Where was she taught and by who? Glasgow University, by JEWISH professors. Recently, she is going around recommending everyone of her followers to read a Tafsir of the Qur'aan. But who wrote it? A JEW. 3fanAllaah...ِِِِِ
She has been banned in the States surprisingly, Al7amdulillah..but she continues to go around spreading fitna in Canada, as well as here, in the UAE. She is being funded well and her fitna campaign is working well, lil2asaf el shadeed. However, 3ulamaa2 in Pakistan have openly spoken against her. And she is only one example of the thousands that revel in this world, trying to tear Islam to smithereens.
A 7deeth of el7abeeb, Mu7ammad صلى الله عليه و سلم:

عن عبدالله بن عمر رضي الله تعالى عنهما قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم:إن الله لا يقبض العلم إنتزاعا ينتزعه من العباد و لكن يقبض العلم بقبض العلماء حتى إذا لم يبق عالما إتخذ الناس رأوسا جهالا فسئلوا بغير علم فضلوا و أضلوا - رواه البخاري و مسلم

This is exactly why we should now strive to acquire knowledge about our Deen. The time to play has long gone; it is now time to work and struggle in the Way of Allah. Youm el 8iyaameh is not far away; how are we going to face Allah? We were sent down here to earn our way into Jannah, yet a lot of distractions were sent after us; after all Shay6an did take his oath, and Allah gave him the permission, in order to sift the good from the evil.
Another 7deeth:

عن أبي هريره رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: حجبت النار بالشهوات و حجبت الجنة بالمكاره - رواه البخاري

The last 7deeth I'm going to wrap this post up with, is one of the many a7adeeth that I keep in mind 24/7:

عن أبي هريره رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم:الدنيا سجن المؤمن و جنة الكافر - رواه مسلم و الترمذي

I could go on writing for ever, but this needs to close up now. Al7amdulillah I'm feeling much better than I felt when I started this post. I feel like a burden has been lifted from my heart
و هذا من فضل ربي
Requesting the readers of this blog for du3a,
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله تعالى و بركاته