O' Canada!

Salam Allah 3lykm,

I don't even know where to begin this crazy life update. I don't know how to phrase it into a sentence that won't cause tears to well up in my eyes. I don't know how long it will take, to accept this change as 'reality'. On April 23rd 2019, we officially left the UAE.

At the time, we thought we were just going for a month's vacation - I'd even packed for a month. It was going to be a break from the mundane routine I was stuck in, a breath of fresh air in a cold country, away from the heat and humidity I'd begun to loathe. I never in a million years thought I'd not return?!

Allah truly works in mysterious ways; had I known I was leaving UAE for good, it probably would've had an adverse affect on my mental health. I probably wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to those I miss everyday today. The empty promise, 'See you in a month' gave me hope. It told me that I wouldn't be leaving my comfort zone permanently. It was the safety net that would 'cushion' my fall. Little did I know...

There is no turning back - not for the next three years, at least. And I feel like I wouldn't want to uproot my children if we're settled by then, to have them live the life of an expat. It's a painfully bewildering life, one that has you take so many luxuries for granted. It makes me wonder, was it our ingratitude towards Allah, that resulted in this tumultuous change? 

It's dificult. It's difficult to hear my children say they miss home. They don't know that the UAE could never be home. It's not as simple as, 'home is where the heart is'. It's the biggest deception, yet. It's difficult to have to reply to their exasperated pleas to return home. It's confusing to be asked whether or not they'll ever get their toys again. It's heartbreaking to see them act out in frustration, over why 'we came so far in a plane from Abu Dhabi'.

I don't know if it gets easier with the passage of time. I don't know if I'll ever go to sleep and wake up with the sense of belonging to this land. I don't know if I'll ever stop the incessant comparison between....home and home. I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling that pang of guilt, everytime I look at my watch and realize the timing's been changed. I don't know if this gaping hole in my heart will ever be filled again. I don't know if I'll be able to look past the fact that people will not be able to understand my feelings, and that's okay.

People talk about a brighter future, but does it have to be at the cost of this state of utter confusion? They say that better days are ahead, but why do they have this looming tag of uncertainty? And how can it do one any good, to be so far away from the ones they love? How does one overcome the gloom of helplessness, that sets in at the inability of partaking in their happiness, or lessening their adversity?

All I know is, it's one hell of a challenge I've been dealt. It has me overwhelmed more than half the time, but what doesn't kill you..makes you stronger. I think of all the cliche 'Tumblr' quotes that can possibly come to mind, and even then I feel dejected. I feel like quotes are easier said than acted upon. 

Anyway, I'm tired of feeling so bummed out..which is why I resorted to blogging. I felt like once it's out of my system, I'd probably be able to muster up some positivity, and move on in life. There's no use dwelling on what could have happened. There are definitely a lot of milestones to look forward to, which I wouldn't have reached sitting in my comfort zone. 

May Allah make it easy for all of us to pass our trials in life. May Allah Guide us through the problems we're faced with, and may our Faith never falter. May we never be tempted by what's forbidden, and may we be safeguarded from the ploys of Eblees - Allahumma Ameen.

'Til the next time I fail to 'use the lemons' life throws at me, or the next time I need to sort my own head out - I'd like to leave you readers with one of my fave quotes..which I've probably already mentioned a couple of times around this blog:

"Allah Tests us with blessings, and Blesses us with tests."

It's a Boy!

Salaaaam Allaahhh 3lykm!

'Where have I been all these months? I didn't even realize how long it's been since I last gave this blog any attention, to be quite honest. Well, it's finally happened; I was 15 when I took the alias of 'um3eesa' or 'um3awas'.....on the 2nd of October, Muhammad Eesa Khan finally came into our world.
Yes, that's where I've been..pregnancy was anything but easy, but the result was totally worth it. I now understand how women can have such rough pregnancies, yet do it all over again several times. They're not insane, as I initially assumed. Well, exceptions exist..I suppose!
Being a mother is super exhausting; sleep becomes a thing of the past. My little cherub tends to stay up all night, & sleeps while I nurse him throughout the day. Motherhood is a superpower on its own, though - I'm alive on less than 4 hours of sleep, Sb7analla. I don't feel sleep-deprived anymore; I suppose it's his cuteness that powers me on.'

I don't even remember when I starting writing this post, but as I complete it, Eesa will be 13 months old tomorrow, Al7mdlla. A lot has changed in life, obviously..but one thing I hate is, I've stopped writing. Completely. The last piece I wrote was well over a year ago. In fact, I don't think I have it in me to write anymore. Even if I do write, I won't have anything positive to say. We have enough negativity going around the world; don't really need to add to it, now do I? Don't exactly want people 'reading between the lines', scrutinizing every paragraph, and jumping to assumptions, either.

Why do I feel like I've said these words before? I'd probably find them in a post, if I were to go through my posts. Anyway, Eesa is now 3 months shy of 2 years, Al7mdlla...and will be a big brother in October, Inshallah. That's how long it has been since I last blogged. 

I won't lie..I don't have the desire to write anymore. Maybe it's because I don't have a laptop since May 2014, maybe it's because Bu3awas didn't give my writing much attention, when my blog was my pride and joy..I don't know the reason, but all I know is...I feel like I've completely lost the one talent I had. Now, with Bumpkin on the way..it's going to be another few years before I manage to get any 'me time'...which is why I decided to sit my butt down, and update my neglected blog.

Needless to say, Bu3awas has been after me to resume blogging, and has been very encouraging altogether...a tad bit late, don't you think?!xD Rabbi yjzeeh elfrdous, nevertheless. It might help salvage whatever sanity hasn't been shot to hell by motherhood. How I'm going to manage taking care of a newborn, whilst running after a toddler...is beyond my understanding. But I know one thing for sure: When He brings you to it, He brings you through it. That's what I'm clinging on to, for dear life.

I think this post is now long enough to suffice as an update. It might even be the one that brings me back to the blogosphere..wallahu a3lam. I must admit, I'm thoroughly enjoying typing my thoughts out, watching them transform into words right before my eyes! Maybe this is what I've needed all along...

Anyway, 'til next time...and hopefully it won't be when I'm expecting my third munchkin, because that's not going to be for quite a few years from now. It would be a shame to give up on this unexplainable feeling of clattering away on keys..basically doing something that isn't baby-related!

Drop a comment or two, if you want this blog to come back to life.

و السلام عليكم و رحمة الله تعالى و بركاته

  

Still Breathin'

Salam Allah 3lykm,

It's been a while, as usual. This is going to be a post of unadulterated therapy; I have SO MUCH SHIT going on inside my head, it has all my vitals going quirky. I've yet to move in with Bu3awas; yes, it's been a year, and counting. No, I have no bloody idea when it's going to happen. But it better be soon, or else Bu3awas will have to come get me from KSA.

Yes, that's right. My dad's retiring in February, which means..this ends my parents' stay in the UAE. I don't want to come to terms with it, because AD has always been home. The place where we live, it holds A LOT of memories; it holds my entire life. I was 5 when we moved to this apartment, & I am hoping it'll be the place where Bu3awas FINALLY takes me home from, but I no longer have any expectations. 

To those who think he doesn't exist, I'm tempted to swear at them 'til people begin to suspect I have Tourettes, because you have no goddamn idea how much stress I've endured, & continue to do so..during this predicament. I feel like tearing their hearts out of their chest, with a blunt knife..but even THAT won't suffice to match the pain I've suppressed within me. I would pray for you to go through it, so you'd realize how bad it is, & think twice before you allow the shit you're full of to pollute the environment, but no. I pray you live blissfully with your spouses, in this world and the Hereafter. 

I don't know what's going to happen; I've stopped hoping 'I'll move out soon'. I've not even mentioned the 'resident visa' issue, and I think it's best I don't. Let's just say, I don't belong anywhere, by 2013. Welcome to the life of an expat.

With uncertainties so huge, I don't look forward to moving in anymore. I literally feel dejected at this point; part of me prays I don't live to see my 24th birthday. I'm being ungrateful; others have it worse, I know. But give me that 'optimistic' shit, when you've been in this very shit-hole. At this point, I don't know whether to be appreciative of those who thought of this 'brilliant' marriage plan, or to hate them. Maybe I'm being childish, but bear with me here. I've held all this mahoosive load in me for over a year. Cut me some slack; friends who never even thought they'd get married, have kids now or are pregnant..while I sit here. "Good comes to those who wait" Yeah, unless death reaches 'em, first. But I suppose that's 'good', too. For those who have actually prepared for their journey onwards to their final abode.

And then those..I can't even think of profanity appropriate enough to define them..god-forsaken people who keep asking, "When's the wedding?" Go die, please. Does it really look like I give half a slither of a petrified log of SHIT about a WEDDING? Yeah, one and a half year later of being a bloody 'BRIDE', you expect me to doll up for you, & perch myself on a stage..so I can be oggled at? NO! SCREW YOU. My parents are uprooting their whole life, & going somewhere where they STILL won't have a proper base; somewhere where they have NO FRIGGIN' SOCIAL STATUS because of RACISM, NOT NATIONALISM..and you're wondering when the hell they're going to throw a fancy bash for your goddamn entertainment??

They'll STILL be EXPATS there; they STILL won't have a place to SETTLE down. In their 50-60s. WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS? The life of a goddamn EXPAT. We basically have no stability; our own country is ruled by criminals, & the funny thing is..those who rule it, live OUTSIDE the country itself. YES, THAT'S HOW GODDAMN SCREWED OVER IT IS. We can't even think of going back there, because that's like saying, "Oh yes, let's go live in a garbage dump which is ruled by a bunch'a criminals."

I'm infuriated; I can't control anything in my life..not even the slightest thing. Then, I have all these teenagers coming up to me, telling me what to do with my life. With all due respect, go graduate from high school/university, then come share your wisdom with me.

Meanwhile, I think I'm just going to excuse myself and dig a grave, and wait for the Angel of Death to come along..because I don't see things getting any better; they're only getting progressively worse. Oh wait, no..I can't do that. I'm going to be an illegal immigrant soon. Thank you, Nationalism.

Off Again!

Salam 3lykm,

Quick update: headed for a fortnight's trip to KSA; my last 3mra with my parents, Inshalla.='$ Headed to G6r after that, for my cousin's mlcha, Inshalla.=D So, I'll be MIA for a while..but feel free to browse through this blog's dusty, depressive archives.x'D After that..who knows? I could be gearing up for a whirlwind wedding myself, or running away with Bu3awas.xP It all depends on what's written.;$

Please forgive this sinning soul, in case it returns to its Creator..& pray for its forgiveness.

Ws Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Slow Death

Salaaaaaam Allaaaahhhh 3lykm!

Did the title scare y'all? Instill some hope, perhaps?:p I'm not dying, not literally anyway! It's a slow virtual death..yep. Soon, when y'all google 'Um3eesa' or 'Um3awas', you might not find this blog anymore.

Before you reach out for my neck, lemme explain! Or try to, anyway..the brothers should be able to understand; y'all wouldn't like your wife to be 'reachable' online, right? Yeah, Bu3awas' stance is pretty valid, regardless of how many painstaking years it's taken to build this blog up.

I closed down all my social networking accounts as a result. I wouldn't like for suspicions to knock on the door, let alone enter our marriage. Once they enter, love walks out. So yeah, I'd rather be socially dead than be..wait for it..waaaiiiiit for it.."Forever Alone".:p

Yes, I miss sharing my nonsense online..& yes, I miss the friends I made along my...Internet Journey?=| ...but I have a lot more important, concrete aspects of life to anticipate now..& there's no way I can let those crumble.

I guess..this is where 'opportunity cost' comes in, innit? You win some, you lose some. All good things come to an end, innit? Except marriage. If you work for it. I want to hold on to Bu3awas; he's my 'citizenship' for Jannah.=$

Yeah okay, enough mushiness already!xD This was just a general update on life...just to show you I'm still alive. Fortunately or unfortunately.:P

'Til next time,

Essalam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

'iMarried'

Salaaaaam Allah 3lykm,

Sh7alkm, dearest Readers? I've been crazy busy for a while, as usual. My life's never known any other way than 'hectic', so it seems! This blog's just collecting dust now, innit?:|

'Husband, wife, marriage.' Marriage. These words have always seemed so..foreign..to me. Little did I know, it would all change on 28th July, 2011. Yes, Bu3awas has finally enlightened my life with his brightening presence.;$

I got married, & left for KSA the very next day.:| Word of advice: distance SUCKS. If you plan to get married, or NOT..cancel all trips abroad, unless they're with your spouse. Agonizing, I tell ya.

I was in KSA for Rm'6an..lain el3eed, Al7mdlla..bs it was REALLY hard; my mind was totally out of focus. My lack of concentration during 3ibadah was almost frustrating; it defeated the purpose of headin' there in the first place!x_x

It wasn't planned AT ALL; it wouldn't come as a surprise to all, that everything happened within a week. One helluva whirlwind experience. I'm still somewhat..dazed..right now. I still can't believe it sometimes, "I'M a WIFE." Overwhelming.

Bu3awas is a LOT more than I could ever ask for, Al7mdlla. May Allah give me the opportunity to value him for his worth, & be a source of happiness, peace, and contentment in his life; Allahumma Ameen.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

My Lovebugs

This post's dedicated to those who made me smile and grin when I least wanted to; those who stood by me when I knew not where to go, & those who made me see 'the greener side', when I was surrounded by darkness. My Lovebugs.

I left you all, not because I couldn't give a damn about how you felt after I walked away, but because I gave a damn about how I was ruining your timelines. My unhappiness was clearly reflected through the words I used, & instead of brightening up your timelines like you did mine, I was doing the very opposite.

This is my decision; once upon a time, I hated Twitter, yet you made me love it..to the point where I was addicted to it. I tried breaks, which only failed. I tried leaving, which failed too. This time, I plan to make it work. I plan to make it work, because I know returning would be a fail.

I know some of you hate me for it, I know some of you couldn't care less; soon, you'll all be indifferent to my decision, and it'll be forgotten. I'm no deranged, attention-seeking drama queen, and it sucks to be thought of as one. I've always been a loner, and company's something I have never been able to handle. Isolation has always been my refuge.

I don't mind criticism, but I can't stand mockery, and I saw too much hurtful sarcasm being flung around. People say one shouldn't have to explain themselves, yet I'm an open book. For letting you down, I apologize..but I'm just being me. This is who I am; I shun people. I shun them, because they give you happiness & love, then snatch it back when you least expect it. And being a person, I know I probably do that, too. So, I shun people.

It's not a definite solution, and it definitely has its repercussions, but it has worked for now. As my Lovebugs, I only hope you'll understand where I'm coming at. I know you won't mock me, at least. If you want to contact me, there are many alternatives; Twitter was just one of them.

I love you all as my very own, which is probably why I never said 'goodbye'. And I'm not saying it now either, because the mere thought of it has my eyes welled up with tears. As dramatic as it may sound, I have faith our lives will cross paths again, and hopefully this time, I won't run away as an escape.

Rabbi ywaffgkm w ys3dkm dnya w a5irah..<3

Baring It All

Salam 3lykm

Sh7alkm, Dearest Readers? Awalan: 3eedkm Mbarak; thaniyan: I'm disappointed with your laziness that knows no bounds; thalithan: this isn't a poem.:P Do I hear a sigh of relief or disappointment?

What do you think this post is about? Well, there's not much left to reveal about myself, is there? This blog holds some of my darkest secrets and thoughts, and is accessible by all. Have any of you wondered, why? Why would I put my life out there for people to scrutinize? Why would I allow them to rip me apart with their criticism. After all, I've written about heartbreaks, love, Islam, etc..it seems hypocritical, doesn't it? In a post, I might be talking about how premarital relationships are unlawful, then I go and write up something on 'rebound'. Paradoxical, much?;)

I do it because I know there are people out there who go through the exact same phases in life, yet don't know who to talk to about it. They're afraid of criticism. They don't want to be judged. What is it that 2pac used to say? Only God can judge me. Yeah, I'm sorry dude..it ain't that way in reality, is it? Every other person is out to judge and attack the next. 'Survival of the Fittest', in its worst form.

Here's a newsflash - and just like all news is - its 'bad news'. Criticism is never going to stop. Critics will carry on ripping people apart with their words, and will only stop when the dust of their graves fills their mouth. Then, they will receive their fair share of criticism, because as reality has it..nothing is spared. Nope, not even the dead.

How do we deal with it? Do we live in denial and say..'I don't hear a thing', and look the opposite way? Or do we vehemently fight its provocative existence to our graves? Do we suffer and gray over the fact people are talking about us behind our backs? Or do we hide away in isolation from the rest? Whatever we choose to do, I promise you..it WILL be talked about.

Thus, we need to LIVE with it; DEAL with it; and prove the critics WRONG instead of fueling the fire they start. If you lash out, you're guilty, and if you deny it, you're ashamed..yet STILL guilty. Why not do neither, and show the world just how WRONG your critics are about you? Kill two birds with one stone: the depression/stress that comes with such criticism as well as the critics that cause it in the first place.

So, I don't care if people criticize me for who I am, because it's human nature. What matters is seeing someone smile through tears, knowing that I'm not going through this situation alone; people have been there too..and they've made it out safely.

What matters is touching the soul of ONE person out there; changing ONE person's life. That's it.

It's not about my identity, or security. If stalkers want to extract 'information', they're welcome to..provide I don't know about their stalking issues. Honestly, I have nothing to hide, because if I could hide stuff, then I would want to hide my shortcomings from ALLAH. Can I? No. Then why try to hide them from His Creation? Yes, I do know of the 7deeth that one shouldn't disclose his sins, & that Allah will keep them undisclosed on youm al Qiyamah, provided the person doesn't disclose them in his/her lifetime.

My intentions are not to boast about the mess ups I've gotten in, but to accept them as experiences I learned from, and try never to go down the same lanes again. They are also to help others that are either in similar situations, or gearing towards them. Thus, إنما الأعمال بالنيات would support my stance here. Further, I don't disclose the details that don't matter, and never will.

I've had countless girls come up to me saying, 'this is EXACTLY how I feel..but I don't have the guts to tell anyone.' What does that lead to? Psychologically, they're all going through a turmoil no one knows of, and probably never will. As a result, she will go through certain phases, which I've gone through. I can't see people make the same mistakes; it hurts way too much. No, I'm not trying to show you what a 'selfless considerate individual' I am, because we're rarely selfless.

I can tell you there's nothing selfless about this; initially, it was my therapy, and a lot of times..it still is. But I now also do it for the lovely feeling I get when I help someone sort their life out. Be the light that brightens up someone's life, and you will inevitably brighten up your own. I owe it to myself to brighten up whatever little remains of myself, and I couldn't do it without your help.

So, to all those who have benefited from these posts, this is a petty way of thanking you for unknowingly doing me the favor of brightening up my life, one for which only Allah can Reward you; Allah yjzeekm kl5ayr fd dnya wl A5irah.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Vote 'Bleez' ;P

Salam 3lykm

First, I would like to thank all the sweethearts that voted on 'The Makeover' poll; really glad that you all like it!=D Now, I have another decision to make, and I'm leaving it solely to you guys. I was going through the blog, and noticed I have quite a few posts dedicated to my currently-unknown, M.I.A, significant other..AKA My Better Half => Bu 3eesa AKA Bu 3awas.<3

The question is: should I make a separate label, 'Bu 3awas'?

The poll awaits your attention, Laydeez &..(if any:P) Gentlemen!=D

Mashkoooooooreeeeeeen, ma ga99rtow <= I lies. Still mad at y'all for the lack of feedback. xP Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh =D

Happiness - The Beginning

Salam 3lykm

Here's a happy post - it's a dedication..to promise myself a better life, and a fresh start. This post is dedicated to all those who have helped instill hope and happiness back into my lives - Rabbi ys3dkm dnya w a5irah, w yjzeekm Jannatl Firdous el23la; Ameen.

This is not in any specific order; you're all equally special!xD On this blog, though..this post goes out to 'Anonymous' - how's this for the first post out of the '100' that will fill up 'Cloud9' Inshalla?;P

From the Lovely Tweeps that have brightened up my timeline with their inspirational tweets..and life, and will Inshalla continue to do so: Kojak_DxB, 3oshaa, FearlessinDubai, MyHeartTweets, madeinuae1, JihanB, hamna_, BooMayed, and all of my followers..xD *I just remembered, I need to spare my fingers today; tomorrow, the #ff's will all be personalized, Inshalla. ;D*

The one VERY special person that deserves a shout-out..stood by me when things went from good, to bad, to ugly, to WORSE...all these years: 'Big Moe' AKA 'Justice'.

This is one helluva special group comin' up ;') ..'Banaat 3zeez Ur R7maan, & all my teachers who passed down a part of Meerath el Anbiya2 to me.. I'm forever indebted to them. And my 'classmates' of course!

And most importantly, cuz 'Blood is thicker than water'...MOMMIE, the best brother anyone could ever have..Ebz...& the best 'big sister' in the whole wide world...Sidzo. <3

It's all you lovelies in my life that have made my life worthwhile. Rabbi yjma3na f Jannatl Firdous; Ameen!<3

For those people whose names I've forgotten to mention, I love you too! I've just got the memory of a goldfish. =(

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh <3

*Edited* The BIGGEST proof I've got the memory of a goldfish: I got TWO tweeps' nicks WRONG!x'D Sorry @3oshaa & @Kojak_DxB!(a)

Busy Busy Busy!

Salam 3lykm

I'm back from 3mrah, w lillah el7md! It was fantabulous - details later!;P The good news is we might be moving; the bad news is..we might be traveling..YES. Again! xD I don't know how moving AND traveling work together, though. =S

Don't have much time to update this blog, really..but if you're interested in what I'm up to in life, feel free to stalk me. *look left, yes..Twitter. :P* Good news for you creepy stalkers who don't want to leave a trace, eh?;)

I promise to get down to writing something that will devour your boredom...SOON. as soon as I get the time.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

..Not Again?!

Salam 3lykm

Sadly, YEP..I'm OFF once again..this time..to Karachi! This time, it is solely for Mom's sake; she hasn't seen her mother for over a year now, and this was the only way to do it, unfortunately..intervene. So, the one who's deathly terrified of creepy crawlies and other flying buggers...is 'willingly' going to Pakistan, w Alllllaaaahhhhh y3eeeeen!xD

I'll be back in AD within 6 days Inshalla, and please pray everything goes well hnak. Cholera is rampant, and so is 'The Superbug', some AB-resistant disease...apparently no one in Pakistan has heard about it, yet I saw reports on BBC while in Makkah, that it's an epidemic that started there. =.= Not the ideal situation to travel in, but oh well..death is written, innit?:P

One more thing -blog-related, of course :P - 'The Makeover' is complete!xD Chayfooni fa'9ya?!=.= I don't have time to sit and make this blog look any prettier than it already is. xD It's too girlie for my taste, but I thought it would be a nice change from the 'emo' look - whadya say?:P

As you can probably see..for those 'observant' readers out there :P..I removed the chat box, since there's obviously no need for it. Most of y'all are firm believers of silent reading, and rarely does someone leave a message there, so I thought it would reduce the 'clutter'...got rid of it!:P So, if anyone wants to leave a message, get those fingers a-workin' and use the 'comments' from time to time..and I'd bet you $1,000,000 that wouldn't ever happen, if:

a) Betting wasn't 7aram!
b) I had that kinda money lyin' around :P

You would have noticed I'm blogging a lot more now; what else do I have to do in life?xD I'm through with studies!(H) I will start teaching though, once the academic year begins Inshalla.. ^_^ may Allah accept my petty efforts in spreading His Word; Ameen.

I will try to finish off the notes for the 'Ailments of the Heart' lecture series during my trip, Inshalla..so that I have something ready - for those of you who are following up with it - when I get back. Inshalla, I also plan to translate the episodes of كيف تتلذذ بالصلاه؟ for the non-Arab readers...so, there's a lot to expect in the coming days/months. ;D

Yalla ya jama3tl 5ayr, please remember me in your prayers, and forgive all that I've said or done..intentionally or unintentionally. In my sight, I don't see anyone as an enemy Al7mdulillah, but that doesn't mean you try to provoke me...Um 3eesa's wrath is worse than a shower of molten steel. =.= xD

OK, I'd better get back to packing, or else I'll be a zombie when it's time to leave tomorrow!;P

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Undergoing 'The Makeover'

Salam 3lykm

The poll showed a good six people voted for the makeover, so I've already begun the process..but there's still a long way to go! So, please excuse the funny font sizes, the unsymmetrical sidebars *yes, they are getting on my nerves!!*..and all other irregularities. Consider my blog as a construction site for now, if you will.:P

The blogger, AKA ME :P is also undergoing a life makeover right now, so please bear with all future delays - Jzakm Allah 5ayr!

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

PS. I would greatly appreciate comments/criticism; I already have one 'SUCKS'..damn, I'm dealin' with some judgmental readers around here, eh?xD You can post anonymously, guys..so please take advantage of that fact!:P Otherwise, I'm just going to 'pretty' it up, and you're going to have to deal with it. :P

A Near Escape!

Salam 3lykm

Al7mdlla we arrived home around 12AM; nearly escaped a massive accident 150km away from AD..in Mirfa3, w lillaah el7md..you know when they say your whole life flashes before your eyes? That's true..

There was a trailer in front of us for quite a while; Sb7analla we'd just started off again, so Dad was driving at about 80-100 kmh, so Al7mdlla it was relatively easy to bring the Ol' Faithful to a halt. What happened is that all of a sudden on of the tires of that trailer burst, and it swung across the width of the road, so Dad hit the brakes and swerved off-road. That road is PITCH DARK mind you, except the cars' headlights..so other cars that were coming from behind were obviously driving at 100+ kmh...there was a lot of screeching of brakes, est'3firullaahhh..it wasn't something I would ever want to dream about, let alone experience again!>.<

I had just opened a packet of popcorn to munch on, but I forgot all about food when this incident took place. May Allah Protect us all; the couple's accident was still fresh in my mind, and the whole way, I made sure I stayed awake so Dad wouldn't fall asleep. I read Enjoy Your Life, by Shay5 M7amad Al 3rifi - It's a wonderful book by the way, a highly-recommended read - bs lil2asaf eshadeed, I doubt it had any effect..yalla..Al7mdlla 3a kil 7aal..

Anyway, back home..safe and sound..in one piece, w lillaah el7md. =) A belated Rama'9an Mbarak to you all; Al7mdlla, e3tmerna once again on 1st of Rama'9an...a LOT of rush, but TOTALLY worth it. <3 May Allah take us back and bring us back safely again after 3eed, Inshalla..Ameen...and may Allah give all you Readers the chance to experience 3eed fl 7rmain esh Shareefain, Inshalla..=)

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Travel Break

Salam 3lykm

Journey to KSA starts tomorrow morning; going by road Inshalla, as usual. Will be spending two blessed, soul-rejuvenating weeks in Makkah & Madinah, Inshalla. Remember this Slave of Allah in your prayers, please. Please forgive all that was said and done; Jazakm Allah 5ayr.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون

Salam 3lykm

Last night, a person very dear to my heart passed away in an accident near Madinah. She was returning back after 3mrah, when the person at the wheel was overcome by sleep. Death was written for her, and as the car flipped over, she sustained fatal injuries to her head, and died on the spot.

إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون - ربي يجعل قبرها روضة من رياض الجنة و يسكنها في جنة الفردوس الأعلى-آمين

Her husband's bones have been totally smashed, and is currently undergoing extensive operations in Madinah. The daughter walked out unscathed, Sb7analla..

She was like the older sister I never had; the couple stayed with us for a month, and addressed my parents as their own..I remember teaching her a du3aa2 which really got accepted in her case, Sb7analla..

اللهم ارزقني شهادة في سبيلك و موتا في بلد حبيبك

It was her dream -as it is everyone else's - to be buried in Al-Baqee3, with all the other 9a7aba and 9a7abiyat..near Masjid An-Nabwi, and Sb7analla..it has turned into a reality..

Nevertheless, I request you all to pray for her, her husband, and her daughter..who doesn't know what became of her mother, as yet..confined to a wheelchair since infancy, this young girl's mother was her life. I cannot imagine what is going to happen now..and I request you all to please remember her in your prayers.

Jzakm Allah 5ayr Fdnya wl A5irah

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

حقوق العباد - An Apology

Salam 3lykm

Hoping all Readers are in the best of health and spirits, Inshalla. This is something I should have written before starting the 'Ailments of the Heart' lecture series, and I had intended to do so, but with all the formatting hassle, I just forgot all about it!

This is an apology to all those whom I have wronged and hurt intentionally and unintentionally: Please forgive me for all that I said and did. I do not have enough good deeds myself, so if people were to come and take them from me on Youm Al Qiyamah for the rights I stripped them of, I would be left with nothing at all..and I already have great sins of my own to 'write off my account'; how then will I be able to take those of people I wronged, and couldn't pay back with my own good deeds?

It is also an announcement to all those who wronged and hurt me intentionally and unintentionally: I have nothing against you today for all that you said and did, and I will hold nothing against you on Youm Al Qiyamah, Inshalla. May Allah Forgive you for the hard time you put me through, and may He Reward you tremendously for the lessons you taught me in life; Ameen.

رَبَّنَا ظَلَمۡنَآ أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمۡ تَغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَتَرۡحَمۡنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلۡخَـٰسِرِينَ

Enjoying Blissful Freedom

Salam 3lykm

I'm BACK, and I'm TOTALLY free!=D The feeling is exhilarating, really..doing stuff I didn't get the chance to do because I was SO TIED UP with studies! Keeping busy al7mdlla; wish the day was LONGER, though..not enough time to do everything I want to get done!xD

The stay in Lahore was OK, apart from the weather. All I can say is al7mmmmdlllla 3 ni3mt el AC. Seriously, people take central air-conditioning for granted...I came back 'healthy', but Mom's been hit by a heat stroke. Which is also a reason why our 3mrah trip depends on when she gets better..in other words, might not be traveling on the 23rd as planned...but we're definitely going, Al7mdlla!

Aiight, that's all for this update..more later! *dunno when :P*

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Traveling Places

Salam 3lykm

Flying out Thursday night Inshalla; will be back home...FREE..ready to start a brand new chapter in life..next Friday, Inshalla. Heading for 3mrah within a week after my return, and then again for the last 10 days of Rama'9an & 3eed. During that time, I highly doubt I'll be blogging,*It's usually when I make statements like this, that my 'creative mind' kicks into 'overdrive'=P* so...as always...to all those I've hurt/offended intentionally and unintentionally, forgive me.

D3watkom needed,

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Mission Accomplished!=D

Salam 3lykm

Al7mdulillaah, و هذا من فضل ربي..
Overjoyed...I helped a very dear friend in one of the courses this semester, and - despite all my shortcomings in explaining the concepts to her - in she got an A in the subject!=D

However, I cannot believe I successfully fulfilled one of my dreams..:')

اللهم لك الحمد كمــا ينبغــي لجلال وجهك وعظيم سلطــانك

A PERFECT GPA OF 4.0!!! =D

Sb7analla..I just pray that my finals in July go as well as these..:'D

اللهم لك الحمد كمــا ينبغــي لجلال وجهك وعظيم سلطــانك