My Declaration of Independence

I find myself pulling away, once dejected but now averse. Averse to the words that spill from your lips, like a bitter concoction made in the depths of a forest, by a quack. Averse to your actions that contradict said-words. 

It's almost laughable to me - I once craved your attention. Craved for a mere fleeting moment, thirsty for your affection. It was tainted, laced with self-loathing and deeply-set insecurities. 

It was never me, it was always you. 

I wish that had been as clear to me then as it is now. I diminished my worth, in a desperate attempt to highlight yours. I lost myself as I frantically tried to find my way to you. The more I sought clarity, the deeper I plunged into a blinding fog. 

You had me believe I was wrong in every single way, and couldn't do anything right. You had me believe I was the 'captor' who held the keys to your 'shackles'. You painted me in the ugliest brushstrokes, I was disgusted by my own reflection. 

Here's to breathing freely again. Here's to giving myself grace, and allowing myself to heal. 

You don't deserve me. You never did.

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I'm back. I should've never left, but...life. Don't read into this too much - we all know I'm a troll that crawled out from the abyss. 

Was Salaam Allah 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh