Sleep-less

Salam 3laykm,
I feel so uneasy, heavy-hearted, burdened. I just want to burst into tears right now. The fact that I have a throbbing headache doesn't give me any comfort at all. Was studying, couldn't concentrate. I was absolutely fine an hour ago. God...feeling nauseous now...and shivering..
Trying really hard to prevent the waterworks from turning on...
I just got a message from someone who I've being trying to avoid ever since she started her criticism. Allah yhdeeha, she's not like the others. I love the rest so much, and hope one day they'll be part of our family. Amazing bunch...but it's not fair.
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It really isn't fair...at least she doesn't deserve this. Maybe it'll not happen, but I can't ignore the present. The loveliest amongst them; so much better than everyone I've met. I think this is what's got me feeling this way.
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As for me? Anyone who is accepted and gets the green-light from him. If the person spends time in his company...Sub7anallah...that's even better! No one who degrades my family or him in any way..that person will walk himself out the door he came through. They know now, which is more than enough, but I'm afraid no one will take any action.
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But do I deserve it, after all I've done? Lured...trapped...and fooled...and what's worse, on the double. The question is: Am I accepted now, or am I still a wanderer lost in the darkness of my sins?