I've been up for more than 24 hours so far, spending 8 or more hours in front of my laptop, working on a project. As I was typing, I realized something was wrong. In my delirious state, I had typed lines that made absolutely no sense...at least not in THAT paragraph. I liked them very much though, and yet again, only a few minutes later...a poem before my very eyes..:P
Lol, at least now I'll be able to finish up my work peacefully now - although I think I'm coming down with the flu...AGAIN. Right before university reopens. Convenient, much? -.-
'Nuff said - I present to you, 'The Awaited Arrival'
I impatiently await your arrival
Crossing days off my life
Thoughts of you; my survival
Lines carved in with a knife
Love confused with lust
I have been inflicted by pain
The source has bitten dust
Leaving behind only a name
Feelings all gone...extinct
Having delivered my final blow
Heart and mind never linked
A spontaneous decision to go
I’ve fled...seeking your shelter
Leaving havoc behind in my wake
With each line, my heart does smelter
Attaining purification from all my mistakes
Your special arrival; a grand celebration
To you I will present my purified heart
Of my painful torment; a signification
For a new life with you; a fresh start
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
*Edited for mistakes; all thanks to Bu Thyab for pointing them out!:D*
12 comments:
TAA:
w/salam
wow that is a hard working girl. U do know that u need sleep to funtion and to be productive right? I hoep afteru are done with this u get a decent nigths [plural] sleep
spontaneous productivity FTW!
NOO u cant b comin down with the flu dude. TOLD u to wear warm!
letsread shall we:
*emailed the views abt the poem*
as salaam alaikum
I'm really impressed, well done!Get some rest now!
the thing i like about ur poems is that you try and rhyme them, which I find quite difficult. That said, in my opinion, a better way of writing the first line would be:
"impatiently awaiting your arrival"
wat do u reckon? cuz i'm not too sure myself!!
anyways, i also like the usage of '-' dashes, but i reckon '...' gives a better sense of 'pause'!!
good luck, and take CARE of yourself
CJ: I don't need sleep - I'm unique. I've been in my blue hoodie since last night & I'm literally shivering now and again, and it started at 3am!>.< Sleep? 'After graduation' <- add it to the list!xD
Anonymous: W3lykm as salam wr r7maa - thanx walla, I couldn't have rested at the time you commented anyway - finished arnd m'3rb!>.<
Bu Thyab: will you believe that I selected THAT, EXACTLY AS YOU WROTE IT..as my msn nick? O_O xD
that's what I originally wrote in the project, lol. The reason I didn't use it in the poem is because the letter 'I' wouldn't fit properly in any of the other lines, and I wanted to personalize the beginning of the poem..
La la..I'm not looking for the 'pause effect' hnii, lol..madry how to explain it right now - more than 24 hrs without sleep, lol xD bes each 'tag' has been 'explained', regardless of which 'sides' they're on. I make very lil sense now - esm7li, lol xD
thanx walla, i DO take care..as much as I can given the time provided, anyway!
fair enough, will wait for the proper explanation once u become 'human'!! lol, tabarak Allah!!
O_O Y3ni I'm what right now? zombie?:P La, I'm back in functioning mode Al7mdella - working on another assignment!xD
Tra I didn't understand where the hyphens were the first time I commented, LOL! They need to be replaced by semi-colons. Maybe then it'll make more sense?
What I meant was..hmm..lemme give you an example: *I just noticed a mistake here xD*
OK, 'My survival' *1st stanza*
would be 'defined' as 'thoughts of you' - that's where the semi-colon comes in.
Come to think of it...<- I should stick to those!:P LOL, my mind is kickin' into functionality mode *nods* Muchas gracias for the suggestion!:D
lol, de nada de nada!!
yep, at times semi-colon was better to use, at times '...' was the better option. I am trying to think of a way to utilize '-', could u help me out?! oh yeah, i remember. when i used to read novels and poems in school, '-' at the end of the sentence denotes interruption, for example, in an unpublished poem called "One Day, Her Last" I used '-' for the same purpose:
She looks out of the window,
At the dark clouds crying with tears,
Remembering her –
She stops thinking,
"It's not the time",
"Be optimistic",
but, now that I think about it, i don't need to put the line that says: 'she stops thinking', since without it the meaning would be similar.
'nuff said, i like this poem and the revised version, doesn't make a lot of difference, but still!! lool!!
y3ni low mashay farg, you just showin' your poetic side here wla sho?? you shud know i wrote this when NORMAL people would be KO'd -.- LOL!:P Look, you should be happy - laysh? You're unique in the sense that you're the only one *excludin family* who has the honors of havin' his nick in my blog post - bes I might reconsider that if you stop commenting.
:P la la, jk..it'll stay there - want me to link your blog too?:P
Yep, it denotes interruption and something else - ask me in feb when i take english analysis courses; i'll get a chance to show off some 'skillz' since AS English? I remember NOTHING. Except the fact that my teacher took my stuff to PUBLISH..& I never saw it again. -.-
Bes I don't think its used in poetry..wla?:S 'Google' <-:P
i meant by saying 'doesn't make a difference' y3ney these things are not the essence of a poem, y3ney similar to 'baharat' or spices - added to the dishes to better the taste, but not a significant part!!
ya5ii..without the spices, food would taste like cardboard :S
we can always do without the CHILLIES though - they might be hot, but they disrupt the system!*specially MINE!*
Loved the poem :)
I'm glad - thanks for the comment!^_^
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