Salam 3lykm!
Sh7alkm, Beloved Readers? I bring you the latest poem, and the most unique you'll find on this blog 'til today. It is the collaborative effort expended by Um 3eesa AKA me, and Bu Thyab.
The words are mine, but the choice of words is Bu Thyab's. He selected a few phrases from comments I wrote in response to his on last night's post, 'Drowning In Tears', and combined them to produce a poem entitled, 'Hurtful Departures'. *Proceed to his blog by clicking on his name in the chatbox, to read his compilation*
However, I remodified it to maintain its coherence..a 'natural flow' of words. You will also notice it doesn't rhyme; that again, is Bu Thyab's preferred style of writing...not mine. In fact, this is the only poem I've (co)written that doesn't rhyme. Enough said; I leave you with 'Your Departure's Aftermath'.
If this were written by hand,
The ink would have smudged;
Mixing with my tears...
...Beyond recognition.
My eyes...
Burn.
My throat
...Sand-papered.
My insides are eroding,
My heart has bled...
Dry.
Bursting into flames of love
Devoured.
...Turned to mere ashes.
It is worse than having someone,
Make an incision in your chest;
Using a hot, blunt metal object,
Dipped in acid.
Then, your heart is ripped...
Out.
Friend-less when you came into my life,
Heedless and confused;
Friend-less I am once again,
But, I waste no efforts trying to fit in...
...Anymore.
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
6 comments:
Thank you for your collaborative work =) it's my first time, too!
btw, i knew that the first version was not very coherent, and I was waiting for your acceptance and editing, hehehe!
i enjoyed reading your version, and then I came up with an edited version of mine!
I'm sorry that I had to make you write a non-rhyming poem *sarcastic* :p
Haih haih..nice excuses..*nods*
Achoof achoof, weyn el'edited version'? xP
Lool, enjoyed? 7aram 3layk, it's supposed to be a highly 'depressive' poem :P
You should be..I mean, c'mon..WHAT were you thinking..me and NON-rhyming poetry?! O_O :p
PS. Lemme know when you get highly irritated at my meanness..I'll increase it eb shway then!;P
ooh..just saw your edited version now! wasn't there when i checked before - sorry! xD
haaah, am used to 'mean' wannabe's from my cousins. Though, I don't get it that much as I used to; maybe because I am much nicer of a person now *NO sarcasm intended* =p
aha, so u saw it... great... its good that u read the edited version... yeah, very good. *you guess*
EHM, so what do u think of it? <,<
walla i love the 'bleeding ashes' - i just wish i had thought of it, first! xD
the rest is basically a simpler version of mine...unedited :P
yeah, unedited is wat i was aiming at. but still don't know if it serves the purpose of 'pure emotions'. good to know, thnx, and bettawfeej.
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