Monday, November 12, 2007

Sick & Tired

Salam 3alykm,

...And it's funny how I'm back again; blogging. Sitting in uni, feeling incredibly sick. My throat hurts so much that my eyes keep welling up with tears...SISSSIIIEE i know! >.<
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I hurt my wrist right now, have this reeally bad habit of cracking my wrists. I'm happy it's the left one; won't need it much. Waiting for 7pm to come so the dreary Stats II class can start, and end at a painful 830. Last class I kept dozing off in between; I couldn't help it! I'm so KO'd at the end of the day...I need a major break!
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For some strange reason, I cried myself to sleep last night..I'm one miserable chick! It doesn't feel right, really. How can something so flawless be a curse? It just doesn't make sense! I neeeed a distraction from life badly. I'm trying to get on with life as sanely as possible, but there's very little one can do when their mind's preoccupied and under stress all the time!
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I can't believe some things people do to others in life; don't they know what goes around comes around? Anyway, looks like Dad's trying his best to get Grannie here; all she can talk about is my marriage! Sometimes I feel like a bride, as stupid as that sounds! Spoke to her today and she's like, " Why don't you look for someone? " I just laughed it off, but Mami got horrified..LOL. She thinks I'm like the rest of them; putting off marriage as much as I can. But no, I'm waaayyy different; would gladly 'leave the nest' tonight if possible! Marriage, marriage, marriage...that's all people can talk about these days! The hottest topic that people come up with when I'm around, "When you getting married, hon?" GODD!!! Does it look like I bloody know?! Seriously, I feel like a machine at times; wake up, study 3elm & then head off to uni. Study some more there, then head back home. Day in and day out...that's my routine. So anyway, Grannie's like " Your Grandad passed away, and he didn't see any of his grandchildren married." That kinda hurt...but it's not in our hands! I know he always wanted to be there to see our weddings. I remember when I was 17, he used to sit on the dinner table and plan away my marriage with my eldest bro! [Allah yj3el gabreh ro'9a min ryaa'9 eljannah...Ameen]
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2nd year on with these dreadful glasses; they're really getting on my nerves now! So, yesterday I brought up the subject of lenses again...but only ended up frustrated & nearly in tears...cuz my Dad wouldn't take me seriously! Sub7anallaah, today he calls from work & goes like, " Set up an appointment with the eye specialist in elM'3reby. We'll see him regarding your contacts!" I was dumbfounded for a minute or two, then ran around frantically trying to get an appropriate day! =D Anyway, I hope all goes well Inshalla; will be seeing the Doc next Sunday..!
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It's funny how I'm always on the verge of tears! I disgust myself; so bloody emotional! >.<>barely shed a tear, and now...the waterworks turn on by themselves! Whenever I feel frustrated & helpless, I hide away from the rest of the world...and sob my heart out..
How friggin' LAME.
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A lot of weirdness going on these days...guys calling me up, or adding me on MSN! So far, I haven't found the need to go up to big bro to get rid of 'em...I scare them away with my m6aw3a-ness. -.- Bunch'a desperados looking for a quick hook-up. Allah yhdeehm w yhdeena jmee3n
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My love just keeps growing for them by the dayyy; they HAAAAAAAAVE to be family someday! So amazingly mesmerizing!
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My throat is really killing me; without any exaggeration, I feel like my insides are enflamed, est'3firullah! I should really do something about my miserable state; I'm putting myself through unecessary self-torture. Life can be so painful at times, it's unbelievable...
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A'aight, I'm out now...heading to the masjid for some peace & tranquility. Thikrullaah is like a tranquilizer: instills peace in one's heart & erases all existing worries & hardships.
Al7amdulillaah 3la n3met el Islam <3

Friday, November 9, 2007

Survivin'

Salam 3alykm,

Had I known divorcing forums & MSN would've been so beneficial, I would've done it AGES ago! Anyway, I just noticed the day today...I thought I wouldn't be able to get through October this year, cuz of the memories, but turns out Oct 2007 was worse! I've started going in his room now, but only cuz the mirror's there...can't bring myself to look at any of his things! I can't help remembering the memories he's left us with; sometimes it helps pretending he's still in the hospital...

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So I told mama a lot of what she'd missed regarding my uneventful life couple a days ago; she actually guessed it! She looked really worried when I confirmed her doubt, so I told her I didn't have any hopes at all. I don't really; it was all just a miscalculation born from confusion on both parts, that's all. What sucks is though, I just realized NOW what month we're in..Nov. Tryin' to get rid of the memories that push through annoyingly...stiiill tryin'..

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Argh, it's so goddamn HARD! The thought is soo tempting, but I made myself proud couple a days ago..I HAD to do it; couldn't go on faking something like that! It actually is existent, but not under those circumstances, NO FRIGGIN' WAY. Someone told me I'm heartless couple a days ago, and the funny thing is...I couldn't deny it. Yeah, heartless..

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I now feel like an outcast in uni too..hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm not paranoid...I'm just unwanted. Plain & simple; U-N-W-A-N-T-E-D. I thought maybe I'm at fault, but naah...I can never fit in with the rest of them. It's all good...I'm survivin'. They suggested using my miserable voice for Cultural Day...I'm thinkin' of pulling out. Can't be responsible for the nightmares all the guys will have after that night, uh uh; specially the VIPs. Besides, I don't wanna have anything to do with any damn love stories; I've seen too many hearts break for fake love. I'd rather jump in with a buncha great white sharks.

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I'm noticing my posts are increasingly becoming irrelevant to Deen as the days go by. I'm tired of all the blame & controversies; layin' low from now on..

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Latest news? My bed broke, so now I'm sleeping on the floor. It's not fair; I certainly as hell didn't have anything to do with it, so why am I on the floor?! Oh well, it's all good; so damn worn out, I KO as soon as my head hits the pillow. Oh, Nadz came over today...and we had a blast! Her quote " There aren't a lotta people I know that deserve you" had us both laughing like escapists from a mental asylum. The quote makes me feel like a bloody curse, lol. The best part of the day was her mental image of my future husband, & our 'mansion'. According to her, I'm marrying some melt7y guy, who has girlie eyes, LOL. OH, shes definitely not coming anywhere remotely close to me with make-up! I already told her she's not doing my hair on my wedding..not unless my husband wants a PUNK as a bride! However, she's free to design my home...on her expense!:p Aah, love the ol' girl...my sister from another mother...<3

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I'm randomizing...and it feels good. I'm feelin' really tired now...dammit! Another memory of the 'doomed' days of 2006 just flashed by. Anyway...hopefully I'll crawl up & die sometime before 2008; do the world a major favor! God...I've hit the climax of loser-dom.


Monday, October 22, 2007

Unadulterated Therapy

Salam 3alykm,

I wrote this last night, somewhere around 3am...memories turned the waterworks on, and a high dosage of caffeine kept sleep away...

*This post has been deleted..it's all history & I've started life afresh..*

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Confused Views

Salam 3alykm

Yet here I am with another post, it's the only way I can de-stress. I'm not harsh, mean, or unjust unless someone does me wrong. Even then, it takes a while for the 'monster' in me to unleash. So why do I feel like a criminal?

I sat down today, and thought of all the people who hurt me in one way or another. My Mom told me something today which calmed me down; it's not for us to take revenge. Everything is in Allah's Hands, He does what He Wills. It all makes sense anyway; because those who hurt me didn't pull me down, they just made me stronger. I then thought of someone who turned my life around. Someone who made my life feel like hell once, but I have to admit, at a point in life..made me feel like the happiest girl alive. Someone who made my life seem too good to be true. Someone who then felt like the best thing ever, to happen to me. Someone who seemed flawless and perfect. It was only later when I realized, everything had changed. Things were not the way they seemed; in reality, it was all just...for show? Or...temporary...that sounds better.

Al7amdulillaah, I went through it all and learned many lessons along the way. I'm grateful...so VERY grateful to this person and always will be...and will never forget what I went through for as long as I live. Taught me a lot of things, from Deen to life. But what hurts, what brings tears to my eyes every time, what I wish I could somehow prevent, is the transformation. The transformation from good to bad, from a trustworthy & truthful person...to...a person who's hard to believe..from someone I really looked up to, to a person who I now look at as....as a 3bra *can't thing of a suitable term in English right now..* something I never want to become, something I fear..

However, something I can't understand myself, is the fact that I still keep hoping that one day, I'll wake up to find this person changed; turn over a new leaf. Start from scratch, a crisp, blank, bright-white page of a journal. Changed into something better than before! When I listen to lectures, this person pops into my mind..and I find myself teary-eyed because of listening to advices that this person once gave me. Tears stream down my cheeks because I know what's being preached isn't being practiced as it should have been. I wish I could do something to make this person change...if I could be granted one wish, a8ool WALLAAH..it wouldn't be anything else other than seeing this person strict to the Sharee3a, and a true follower of the Sunnah.

I'm not mad, deranged, or obsessed..I'm just aware of the massive tragedy that occurred. It feels as though someone died. I've been told to forget about this person many times, and although I've tried...it's very strange, but I can't. I know I can't help because my help:

1. Is definitely not wanted

2. Is useless

I was filled with anger before, because I felt helpless...I knew my help wasn't wanted, yet I still wanted to do something! I was infuriated a few days ago at all those who wronged me, and I told my Mom, 'If the people don't know my worth, why the hell should I even care about them!?' And she replied, 'By treating them the same way, there's no difference between you or them! If you don't like the way they're treating you, then treat them the way you'd like to be treated..you never know, it might make a difference. It might show them that their approach is wrong.' Upon hearing that, I quietened down.

I couldn't do anything..nothing at all. I couldn't stop this person from the transformation. I was utterly and absolutely helpless in all ways; all I could do was watch. Then, all I could do was pray. I don't think I left any place or time; Tahajjud, times when ad3iya are said to be Mustajab, Rama'9an, the last 10 days...even now! My last du3aa2...even if something has to happen to this person, something like a slap to reality, then so be it! Anything that might bring this person back, firm, steadfast on Deen, let it happen! I'm still asking for this one...won't stop 'til I hear the good news I've been waiting for since aaaages! Anyway, I'm feeling kinda sad now after putting this down. I've not disclosed this to anyone before, but now it's out in the open...

I just wish I could see a sincere change one day, if not today or tomorrow =(

Al7amdulillaah 3ela kil 7aal...


Saturday, October 13, 2007

Letting loose

Salam 3alykm,
Been a while since I last blogged, and last night I wrote a poem. I don't know whether I should include it here, because this place has now become 'public'...can't even blog my feelings here now. It has nothing to do with Islam..just a few questions that relentlessly haunt me. I've been doing pretty well al7amdulillaah. No more stages of depression, no more nights laying wide-awake crying...al7amdulillaah everything's going good! Ever since I took that last decision, life has been great! Of course, Shay6an tries to pull me away, trip me over MANY times, but the sucker doesn't know I'm suctioned to the ground for now!(H):p However, I must admit...I watched 3 movies 'til now :( which is probably a reason why I feel so whacked out. I didn't know that I could still write 'lovey-dovey/heartbreak' poems! Anyway, regarding the last and FINAL decision, some of them didn't like it at all, and tried to protest. Others took it personally, and quietly walked away. It was for the best, anyway.

I've become socially dead. I had a sorta 'net-life', the kind that all Losers On-Line have...but now I've just isolated myself. It feels better; no more fights to worry about, no more experiences that lift my hopes and slam 'em down to the ground. Woohoo, I'm celebrating loserdom.

Grandad's a real fighter...love the guy! I can't bear the thought of not having him around anymore, it just makes the world blurry every time. Every time I ask him "How you feelin' today?" he says: "I'm fine al7amdulillah." He doesn't talk much anymore, just a few words now and again. When he says those words, " My....Heart...Sinking " and looks around frantically, it just breaks my heart all over again. He's hooked on to this machine that displays oxygen levels and heart beat...numbers are perfect. What's going on? I have no idea...

My feelings? Only I know...and no one could understand. I've given up trying to talk to people; they only make it worse. Not their fault, it's mine...cuz I can't express myself clearly anymore. I just wish I'd stop trusting others blindly! It's gotten me into a lot of problems, some which I can't forget for as long as I live. There should be this 'erase' button which I can hit....wipe out my history.

A question which I'd love answered: Is there anyone out there who I genuinely mean the world to? Everyone says ' I love ya' and all that mushy stuff..but who really, truly means it? I guess I'll just have to die to find out.

Here's the poem..un-cut, raw, the real deal. For those who are thinking "OMG, what's she talking about?" Gimme a break. This post is not for your entertainment, it's for my therapy. I know it's wrong to write 'unIslamic' poems, but I'm sorry..I'm not perfect. I can't be miss m6aw3a 24/7, and for those who think this is hypocrisy, Allah ysaam7km. I'm just someone who's trying to figure life out before it smacks her in the face.

How can you hate someone who made you feel loved, even if it was all a lie?
How can you forget someone who tore you apart, merely in the blink of an eye?
How can you not think of someone who's love you thought you had gained?
How can you teach yourself to ignore all the inflicted pain?
How can you cease the tears that endlessly do flow?
How can you clear the history & let everything go?
How can you stop asking yourself questions, those that make you cry?
How can you stop hurting yourself and accept reality, rather than deny?
Teach me the answer to all these questions, please
But do it quick, before my breathing begins to cease

Friday, August 24, 2007

Ramblings of An Insomniac

Dear Sleep,
Come to me, my love, I have spread the doors open wide. Pull me in a long, loving embrace and leave me mesmerized. Whisper to me sweet-nothings so I forget all the hurt & pain that's breaking me down. Caress me, hypnotize me, make me numb so that in my misery I don't drown. Oh Sleep, why have you left my side? Why don't you wipe away these tears that I have cried? Where's your faithfulness, why have you left me all alone? Why, when you know that I'm already on my own? Come forth, let me drink the poison of your love! Take me away, I no longer have any value...I'm but a wing-less dove...
Love,
Insomniac

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Scrambled Thoughts

Salam 3alykm,
Been gaming all day since I came back. Al7amdulillaah everything went well, and missing everyone back there. Since last night tho, been feeling down. I don't know what to say or what to do, I just hope Allah gets this feeling away from me.
Who am I now, and what was I before? My past haunts me...it won't let me live my life peacefully. Every time I'm happy, a bitter-sweet memory brings me down...it isn't fair, but al7amdulillaah 3ela kil 7aal. I've lived a life of m3a9y, and now I'm trying to live a righteous life, but it's really hard. There are so many distractions, there are so many obstacles set by Shay6an and his army, that one begins to feel hopeless...I've fallen in their trap quite a number of times..unfortunately..A 7deeth: عن أنس رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: يأتي على الناس زمان الصابر فيهم على دينه كالقابض على جمر - رواه الترمذي و أبو داود
Makes you wonder, doesn't it? Has that time already come?

When I think of those who tried to manipulate my thoughts and integrate them into their own, I don't feel any anger towards them; they all taught me valuable lessons which will help me through-out my life. When I think of those sugar-coated knives, I smile. No, not because I'm insane, but because they let their true selves shine through. I wasn't left in the dark for very long, al7amdulillah. I'd like to know one thing though: which 7asid(a) can't bear to see me happy? Which unfortunate person prefers to see me suffering and in pain? I have a lot of enemies, I know that for sure. But my enemies are dearer to me, maybe even more than my friends. Why? No, not because I'm starking mad...but because I learn from them too.

I close my eyes for a few seconds, and my life passes me by in flash-backs, yet I rarely see the good times I've had. Is it because I'm a pessimist? I do not know. This time I went, I was told I've changed. Have I? But change is good, isn't it? Women told me: you've grown up all too suddenly; you're only 18, but you seem much older, what's troubling you?

Al7amdulillaah, Allah is el'3afoor wer R7eem; I'm at peace with myself now, at least. Even though half the time my past leaves me in tears, I know they'll dry up some time or the other, and that there is some genuine person out there who can replace them with my smile.

Al7amdulillah, I know I am blessed; I learnt that on this trip. Does it matter if people once fooled me, and had me thinking I was worth something? No, I know I was Shay6an's tool for a while; I was used to lure someone close to their Deen astray. After all,النساء حبائل الشيطان

Depression is a Ra7mah al7amdulillah, a ni3ma. Yet again, I repeat...NO, I am NOT insane; when a person falls into depression, that's usually his/her turning-point. There is no one in the world left for him/her besides Allah. Haven't you noticed? When a person is in trouble, or facing misery in life, that's when they go " Ya Allah! Please get me out of this, and I will never disobey you again!" When a calamity befalls one, then they remember, we still have our Creator.

Sub7anallah! Everything in life happens for a reason, and I take all my experiences as lessons, of which the mistakes, I try NOT to repeat again.

Look at the irony; we pray 5 times a day, and we repeat this Ayah countless times; but do we really STICK to it? إياك نعبد و إياك نستعين
You Alone do we Worship, and You Alone do we ask for Help

Sub7anallah...if that was the case, I don't think we'd still be wandering around aimlessly in the darkness that has enveloped our lives...
Come to think of it, maybe I have lost my sanity, and so can't think straight anymore. But Al7amdulillah, as long as I'm focused on my Deen, I'm happy in whatever condition My Lord wills for me to be in. I've lived both lives; one of misery and darkness, and one of peace and tranquility...ألا بذكر الله تطمإن القلوب
One last, yet important request I want to leave you all with; our Deen is being distorted. People are coming up with the CRAZIEST of ways and incorporating them in Deen el7a8 lil2asaf el shadeed, and saying that we are the true Muslims, and those who don't follow these ways aren't.
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: يكون في آخر الزمان دجالون كذابون يأتونكم من الأحاديث بما لم تسمعوا أنتم و لا آباؤكم فإياكم و إياهم لا يضلونكم و لا يفتنونكم - رواه مسلم

I will give you one example of this; a group in Pakistan being lead by a FEMALE by the name of Dr. Farhat Hashmi. This woman has spread SO MUCH fitna around the world, it's unbelievable. She comes out with the most ludicrous fatawa, for instance: women can read the Qur'aan during 7ai'9, or women can delay their prayers if they're at a party and have make-up on. Why? Performing w'9oo2 will result in the removal of such costly make-up, which in turn will be a waste of money. YES! This is HAPPENING! She has a HUGE crowd of followers AROUND THE GLOBE!Where was she taught and by who? Glasgow University, by JEWISH professors. Recently, she is going around recommending everyone of her followers to read a Tafsir of the Qur'aan. But who wrote it? A JEW. 3fanAllaah...ِِِِِ
She has been banned in the States surprisingly, Al7amdulillah..but she continues to go around spreading fitna in Canada, as well as here, in the UAE. She is being funded well and her fitna campaign is working well, lil2asaf el shadeed. However, 3ulamaa2 in Pakistan have openly spoken against her. And she is only one example of the thousands that revel in this world, trying to tear Islam to smithereens.
A 7deeth of el7abeeb, Mu7ammad صلى الله عليه و سلم:
عن عبدالله بن عمر رضي الله تعالى عنهما قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم:إن الله لا يقبض العلم إنتزاعا ينتزعه من العباد و لكن يقبض العلم بقبض العلماء حتى إذا لم يبق عالما إتخذ الناس رأوسا جهالا فسئلوا بغير علم فضلوا و أضلوا - رواه البخاري و مسلم

This is exactly why we should now strive to acquire knowledge about our Deen. The time to play has long gone; it is now time to work and struggle in the Way of Allah. Youm el 8iyaameh is not far away; how are we going to face Allah? We were sent down here to earn our way into Jannah, yet a lot of distractions were sent after us; after all Shay6an did take his oath, and Allah gave him the permission, in order to sift the good from the evil.
Another 7deeth:
عن أبي هريره رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: حجبت النار بالشهوات و حجبت الجنة بالمكاره - رواه البخاري
The last 7deeth I'm going to wrap this post up with, is one of the many a7adeeth that I keep in mind 24/7:
عن أبي هريره رضي الله تعالى عنه قال, قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم:الدنيا سجن المؤمن و جنة الكافر - رواه مسلم و الترمذي

I could go on writing for ever, but this needs to close up now. Al7amdulillah I'm feeling much better than I felt when I started this post. I feel like a burden has been lifted from my heart
و هذا من فضل ربي
Requesting the readers of this blog for du3a,
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله تعالى و بركاته

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Sleep-less

Salam 3laykm,
I feel so uneasy, heavy-hearted, burdened. I just want to burst into tears right now. The fact that I have a throbbing headache doesn't give me any comfort at all. Was studying, couldn't concentrate. I was absolutely fine an hour ago. God...feeling nauseous now...and shivering..
Trying really hard to prevent the waterworks from turning on...
I just got a message from someone who I've being trying to avoid ever since she started her criticism. Allah yhdeeha, she's not like the others. I love the rest so much, and hope one day they'll be part of our family. Amazing bunch...but it's not fair.
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It really isn't fair...at least she doesn't deserve this. Maybe it'll not happen, but I can't ignore the present. The loveliest amongst them; so much better than everyone I've met. I think this is what's got me feeling this way.
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As for me? Anyone who is accepted and gets the green-light from him. If the person spends time in his company...Sub7anallah...that's even better! No one who degrades my family or him in any way..that person will walk himself out the door he came through. They know now, which is more than enough, but I'm afraid no one will take any action.
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But do I deserve it, after all I've done? Lured...trapped...and fooled...and what's worse, on the double. The question is: Am I accepted now, or am I still a wanderer lost in the darkness of my sins?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Truth Revealed

Salam 3alykm,

*LONG POST, BUT PLEASE READ!*
I will be traveling to Pakistan Inshalla as you all already know, and I assure you things are only going to get worse there. This post is to clarify all the BS the media is trying to feed us all about what really happened in Jami3a 7af9a. You want to know the truth? Ask the Pakistani parents who had children studying there. Ask those parents who don't even know if their sons and daughters are alive anymore. Ask those parents whose tears don't cease, and who spend all their nights with their hands up in du3a. Ask those Pakistanis whose eyes are WIDE OPEN, and who KNOW the reality. No, not those who are sitting in front of the TV 24/7, watching the FILTH that comes from across the borders;Bollywood movies & music. NO, not even the lowlife scum of Hollywood, and the damned to hell LOLLYWOOD. Yes, the Pakistani film industry located in Lahore. I am proud to say, it is an absolute FLOP, which is why the actresses are crossing borders and working in Bollywood.
Prior to this 'raid' on the so-called 'Al Qaeda-affiliated Muslim Seminary', Musharraf...no I'm sorry...M5ARREF ordered for 3 mass pits to be dug up in one of the Muslim cemetries in Islamabad, and no1 from the 3awam were allowed there. Police patrols were set up, and 24/7 surveillance covered the area. Yes, these are the same three pits which were used as DUMPING GROUNDS of the burnt-beyond recognition, and bullet-riddled bodies of the 6ulabaa2 and 6aalibaat of Jami3a 7af9a, the biggest Deeni Madressa in Pakistan. Not only that, he didn't even care whether they were females or males; those 6ulabaa2 who's gaze would never fall upon strange women, and those 6aalibaat who'd cover themselves up from HEAD TO TOE, including HANDS & FEET, were thrown in together in mass graves, as if they were disease-riddled animals.(Est'3firullah)
Rasulullaah has said:
من بنى لله مسجدا بنى الله له بيتا في الجنه
What about the person who demolishes Allah's Masaajid? What about that person who tries to stop قال الله تعالى و قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه ?و سلم
Ya turaa...Where is his house being built??
And then the accusations that Shay5 '3azi's brother wore an 3baah and came out, because he was trying to escape; the students were forcefully kept hostage at the hands of these cruel 'Mullahs'; the utter rubbish that the Pakistani army *may Allaah destroy each and every soldier that fired a bullet at my innocent Muslim brothers and sisters* was 'saving' the students from those 'cruel terrorists'; and the ABSOLUTE LIES the government told the world: Asl7a was found in the Madressah. I will open out each accusation and as Allah as my Witness, I can only pray for the destruction of the Filth of Pakistan, ie: M5arref & his KAFIR affiliates. Yes, they are no less than Kuffaar. Every single one of them deserves to burn in the same hell in which Fir3oun, Abu Jahal, Namrud, and their likes will burn. They deserve to drink the same '7ameem' which will scald their faces and cut to pieces their inner organs. These TERRORISTS are the same people who took my mtna8iba sisters and robbed them of their innocence, and then mercilessly KILLED them. These are the same Shaya6een who burned M9aa7ef & copies of 9a7i7 Bu5ari, and trampled their remains with their filthy army boots. May these infidels be trampled on the same way, Ameen.
1. Shay5 3'azi was given the title of '3azi, after attaining victory in the Jihad waged in Chechnya & Af'3anistan. Sub7anallah, he was one who had a clean-shaven face and wore pants and shirts, but Allah Willed for this man to become a fierce, fearless MUjahid, and die in the stuggle against his enemies. How he changed is an amazing story which never fails to bring tears to my eyes whenever it's narrated, but as it will lengthen this post, i shall leave it out. The brothers recieved a phone call from a trusted companion: the Masjid's mu2athin. He claimed: "A special person is here to see you. I cannot tell you who for the fear of telephone lines being tapped, but please come out. However, disguise yourselves. Please wear one of the female students 3baah and come out with one of the women of your house." When Shay5 '3azi came out, female police *there is no word on this world fit to be used for them..I fight with female officials every single time on the airport* were cruelly forcing covered women to reveal themselves, and pulling their n8aabs off. As Shay5 '3azi came out, a female officer stopped him, and of course, a search was done. If my nage9 brain remembers correctly, it was his daughter who claimed: " this is our old aunt, please let us pass. We mean you no harm." As the dogs of the Pakistani Army handcuffed him, he saw the Mu2athin standing alongside 3dow el Islam. He obviously realized it was an evil ploy on their behalf, but was left helpless, and it was the face of his betrayer that he saw, before he was taken to prison. Ya Allah! If these are the a7waal of your Servants now, then please don't let me live to see more
2. The students took a pledge of Shahadah; they're principal Umm Hassaan kept telling them to leave, their teachers begged them to go, but they stood steadfast and said: " By Allah! We will NOT go anywhere! We came here to study and gain 3elm, and if YOU, our learned teachers will stay in this Madressa and DIE in it's premises, then WALLAAH, we shall join you." How strong was the Iman of these brothers and sisters, whose ages ranged from 5 years of age and onwards! Ya Allah! Please make us like them! Each student wrote their will but they were BURNT in the very same fire in which COUNTLESS copies of 9a7i7 Bu5ari perished. They then wrote their wills on their bodies, which the government didn't allow ANYONE to see, loaded them on military trucks, and dumped them in the mass graves that were dug up prior to this evil operation.
3. Soldiers did not save a single student. Those soldiers that refused to lay a hand on our Muslim brothers and sisters, were never seen alive again. Yes, the mal3on had them KILLED. A student who was there at that time reveals: " We heard the stampede and the shouts of the soldiers, and our Mujahid brothers Takbeers grew louder and louder, as they went BARE-HANDED to face their enemies. But suddenly, their voices began to diminish until we heard nothing but the stamping of their boots; that's when we knew that our Mujahid brothers had all fallen, and gained the ranks of Shuhadaa2. They banged on our door and told us that they were our 'brothers', and were here to save us. When they came in, they ordered us to remove our n8aabs. One of us then started to cry, and our principal, Umm Hassaan told us: "DON'T cry in front of them and show them that you're weak; they will only take advantage of you!" Umm 7assaan herself was in tears, but she was staying strong and composed for the rest of the girls. (keep in mind, their were girls aged 10 and younger there) One girl boldly spoke up: " You told us that you were our brothers, and now you are here to rape us and rob us of our innocence?" They did not care. They hauled off each sister, and the cries of the little girls stirred nothing in their hardened hearts, those harder than stone. Yes, these are the accounts of the so-called saviors who ' tried to save the students from the cruel terrorists'.
5. The whole military reached that corner of Islamabad. They used grenades and rockets against our brothers and sisters. They rolled tanks to destroy Jami3a 7af9a, and that American lowlife taunted his slave: " You cannot even clear out such a small area with all your military power?" This was the wonder of those hearts strengthened with Iman. And of course, the Help from the Unseen: the SPECIAL Armies of Allah. For 3 days after they massacred the students of Jami3a 7af9a, NO MEDIA was allowed near the premises. The walls of the Madressa were streaked with the innocent blood of those students, whose sole crime was that they came out of their houses seeking Knowledge of their Deen, wanting to strive & struggle in the way of Ra7maan, and wanting
to learn the Sunnah of Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه و سلم
3 days....is how long they took to wash the evidence of their barbarism, but no matter what they do, they will NEVER be able to wash the hearts of those few survivors who lived the horror. They will NEVER be able to wash those hearts of their Iman. In those 3 days, they drove out military trucks laden with the charred remains of our Shuhadaa2, and they drove those same military trucks in, this time laden with brand new Asl7a, so that they could frame our Muslim brothers and sisters and accuse them of being terrorists.
Oh Filth Of Pakistan! If you want to place a Buhtaan on someone, at least learn how to cover it up properly! The walls of the Madressa were BLACKENED with smoke, absolutely black as ebony! Yet, mashalla....the Asl7a was SHINING...as if BRAND-NEW...LIARS LIARS LIARS! May your lies be uncovered for the whole world to see, and may your face be blackened as you blackened the walls of beloved Jami3a 7af9a!YES! the Kuffaar of Makkah used to claim: He is 'Abter'! (mun8a6e3 el nasl) dont worry, no one will even take his name after his death!*regarding el 7abeeb, mu7ammad صلى الله عليه و سلم
And Islam has spread and is still spreading like wild-fire! SUB7ANALLAH! People are converting everyday in the Western world! Under the very noses of those قردة و الخنازير !
Look at the face of M5arref! I cannot even STAND to set my gaze upon that Shay6aan's face! Even Shay6aan himself must stare in horror at this ml3on's ways!! His face is blackening in this Dnya itself, what will be his state on Youm El 8iyaameh?
He claimed with pride in his interview: My mother was a dancer! The reporter was western of course, and HE went into shock; his eyes wide open, he asked this wart-hog just to make sure he heard correctly, " I beg your pardon, did you say a dancer?!" Not only that, he claimed in his interview: " I cannot sleep without music, and when I wake up, I wake up to the BEAUTIFUL sound of music, and that's how and when I plan my day." NO WONDER!!! So THAT'S how he's messing up a country which was initially built upon لا اله الى الله
Ya 8aatel!! How can you sleep peacefully when your hands are stained with the blood of COUNTLESS 3ulamaa2, Mujaahideen, & Shuhadaa2?! How can you LIVE knowing that you have ruined your A5ira COMPLETELY?

My Dearest Brothers & Sisters, do not believe the BS the media feeds you. It's all in the hands of the Kuffaar; they will never give you the truth. Conditions are not going to get any better; they are just going to get worse and deteriorate. After all, the prophecies of Rasulullaah are all true; '3azwet el hind is not far away. There are countless A7aadeeth which are reinforcing the A7waal of this Dnya today. It is vital that we also strive and seek this knowledge which the Shuhadaa2 of Jami3a 7af9a gave their lives for.

I could not resist typing this up, and despite the condition that follows after re-calling the '6ulm that blanketed 6ulabaa2 w 6aalibaat of Jami3a 7af9a, I stayed up and forced myself to put these words down. We were living in comfort while those brothers and sisters resisted and fought those Kuffaar relentlessly for 8 days. They had no food, no water, nor electricity. They were of around our ages, some even younger, when they finally succumbed to their wounds. On the 9th day, their 5aali8 took them back(إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون), and now, they are probably enjoying their Eternal Reward

YA ALLAH!
With Allah as my Witness, I end this post, and only Allah knows what will happen after this.
Requesting you all to remember this feeble, ignorant, ungrateful creature in your Ad3iya,
w
Umm 3eesa

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A Dedication to my Brothers

salam 3alaykum,
It has been quite a while since I last blogged, and I owe it all to my extremely hectic life!
While I was studying a few days ago - or maybe even weeks, I have completely lost track of time!- memories of the times I shared with my brothers poured in, and kept me distracted for a good whole hour or so! I then picked up my pen, and let it flow...

This first poem is dedicated to the eldest amongst us, M7ammad; a man of his word. Although he can get on your nerves and then gnaw on them relentlessly, I cannot even IMAGINE how empty life would be without him! He's really one-of-a-kind; possesses extremely extraordinary ways of showing how much he loves & cares about you, in other words....e7m...lets just say....I wouldn't want to be the guy's enemy!:p He's shockingly tolerant, and his patience exceeds all bounds. Unfortunately misunderstood by many, this Dnya has not even given him 1/4th of the treatment that he deserves. When I think of all the hardships that have befallen him, this 7deeth always comes to mind:

الدنيا سجن المؤمن و جنة الكافر

May Allah strengthen his Iman fourfold, and may he be with those of the highest ranks on Youm Al Qiyaameh; Ameen

M is for the merriment & joy he never fails to bring
U is for the uniqueness he's always representing
H is for the hope he stirs in people's hearts
A is for the anxiety people face, when with him they do part
M
is for the model he is for all generations
M is for the countless medals he deserves for his unlimited patience
A is for the adorable brother that he has always been
D is for the desires he crushes in this world, for the sake of his Deen

When I felt down, your innocence brought a smile on my face. Your brilliant sense of humor never failed to make me laugh until my sides ached. Your anger...now THAT sent me cowering in my room!:p Your patience has not been rendered useless; you will inshalla gain a tremendous reward in the Hereafter. None of us were able to give you what you truly deserved, but do not worry. Your 5aali8 will give you more than you could ever dream of inshalla. This world has wronged you in countless ways, but inshalla that will only add to your Eternal Reward.
Your the best eldest brother anyone could ever have, and I consider myself blessed to have you in my life! I have previously said a lot of nonsense in anger, but no matter what I say bro, remember that I will always love ya!

2nd Brother---> Ibrahim
I think its sufficient to say that, up until today, I don't think I have EVER come across such a man. He is of the kind who will listen patiently to everyone's problems; from a hormonal teenager to an adult facing mid-life crisis. He's loved by many, and hated by some. Those that hate him are narrow, shallow-minded creatures, who think they know all there is to know about life. Those that hate him are also those that are jealous of him, and are rightly so. After all, he mesmerizes people no matter where he goes. He leaves those ignorant, pitiful souls awe-struck when they try to argue with him, and his looks...I think those just scare them s**tless!:p If looks could kill, then he'd be behind the bars labeled as a serial killer!

I is for how irresistible his personality makes him
B is for the boldness he displays quite often
R is for the ruthlessness that empowers him when a beloved is hurt
A is for the admiration to which his hidden, soft nature gives birth
H is for the hope & happiness he's brought to people's lives
I
is for intelligence - the fuel on which he thrives
M is for the man that he truly is
And to him I'll be grateful for as long as I live!

You were always there for me when I needed you the most; when I couldn't open myself out to anyone else, you were the only one who'd patiently listen, while I drenched you in my tears. When things got rough, you were always the one to give me solace and comfort. When things seemed impossible, you were always the one to utter soothing words of reassurance. Even if what I told you, angered you and caused your blood to boil, on the surface you always maintained a cool approach. Tell me now, is there any way I could possibly pay you back for all of this? NEVER...

This post is just to say something I have not said until today to my brothers: I love you both unbelievably, and just the thought of not having you in my life is enough to bring tears to my eyes.