Salam 3alykm,
I'm back with another poem I just wrote right now. Mind you, I'm no druggie; I don't even take medicines when I NEED them, let alone practice self-medication! -.- I'm just writing random stuff - don't know where it's coming from..
At least I know that I can still write, irrespective of the quality -.- My 'poetic-ness' is a little rusty, if I may say so myself, but at least it has stuck around!
These are the thoughts of a drug addict, whose 'stock' is down to nearly nothing - the person feels like his/her world is about to end, as he/she can't think of an immediate alternative. Because the person knows very well that he/she is addicted and is at the mercy of these drugs, he/she tries to quit them...at first. Withdrawal symptoms kick in, making him/her feel utterly helpless - he/she can't do anything about it...but take more.
'Nuff said - here you go:
Is this just another mistake I've made?
Or am I just really paranoid?
Have the foundations really been laid?
Or am I the victim of a plan that's been ployed?
I tell myself I'll make through this once again
Yet, I know these are empty words meant to console
I have felt and endured the excruciating pain
Living a life stripped of both heart and soul
Will there be anyone to blame but myself
After everything has come to an end?
And will I be betrayed by my health
As deep down the spiral of depression I descend?
Once again, I'm but a victim of my mind
As it plays it's vicious games to deceive me
Is there any drug out there of the kind
That will block out reality, and not fail me?
I REPEAT: I'm NOT a DRUGGIE! >.<
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
The Silent Murderer
Salam 3alykm
Well, well, well...what do we have here? Yep, I'm back with a poem that I wrote a few minutes ago. Today...I was completely messed up inside for some unapparent reason, and the second I finished writing this, I was back to normal again..Al7amdulillah. I guess I just needed to throw the feelings out, eh? *This poem is based upon a true event*
Nothing impressive, I know I've written better...but with this, I announce the end to my 'writer's block'! *And that is some sort of a relief*
She closes her eyes, forcing herself to sleep
Trying to fight away her insecurities & fears
In comparison, her attempt seems to be weak
She tastes failure in the saltiness of her tears
Her mouth feels parched as her throat burns
A throbbing headache initiates a wave of nausea
The taste of bile makes her stomach churn
As she's mercilessly attacked by all her phobias
Her ribs ache as she struggles to breathe
Desperation throws her blanket off
She's hot & sweaty, despite AC settings meant to freeze
Which on other days prove to be more than enough
Unable to tolerate anymore, she sits up in bed
Greeted by the pitch darkness that surrounds her
...And all this resulted from the thoughts in her head
The one, silent & undetected murderer
With this, I bid you all GOOD NIGHT!
Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh
Well, well, well...what do we have here? Yep, I'm back with a poem that I wrote a few minutes ago. Today...I was completely messed up inside for some unapparent reason, and the second I finished writing this, I was back to normal again..Al7amdulillah. I guess I just needed to throw the feelings out, eh? *This poem is based upon a true event*
Nothing impressive, I know I've written better...but with this, I announce the end to my 'writer's block'! *And that is some sort of a relief*
She closes her eyes, forcing herself to sleep
Trying to fight away her insecurities & fears
In comparison, her attempt seems to be weak
She tastes failure in the saltiness of her tears
Her mouth feels parched as her throat burns
A throbbing headache initiates a wave of nausea
The taste of bile makes her stomach churn
As she's mercilessly attacked by all her phobias
Her ribs ache as she struggles to breathe
Desperation throws her blanket off
She's hot & sweaty, despite AC settings meant to freeze
Which on other days prove to be more than enough
Unable to tolerate anymore, she sits up in bed
Greeted by the pitch darkness that surrounds her
...And all this resulted from the thoughts in her head
The one, silent & undetected murderer
With this, I bid you all GOOD NIGHT!
Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh
Friday, June 27, 2008
Back from the 'Dead'!
Salam 3alykm,
Lol, been a while, hasn't it? Have I been missed?:p
Life's just been keepin' me on my toes, that's all I can say! Al7amdulillah, there's so much to be thankful, appreciative, and grateful for!
I've not been writing lately, because either I don't get the time to write, or I have nothing much to say. I have not written any poems in a LONG time now; I think I might just lose my 'talent'!
Oh, I left FB Al7amdulilah, upon my eldest brother's request - Allah yjzeeh kil5ayr fdnya wel a5ira. I wasn't using it for anything other than uni news, and the male requests were getting up my nerves. Evidently, my 'm6aw3a extreme cover' didn't help much. Sb7analla, my leaving FB made a lot of people happier, so it was all 5ayr!=D
Elmuhem, I finished 2nd year with a decent cGPA - if I may say so myself - of 3.26. It's going to take a lot of hard work to make up for my disastrous 3rd semester; critically wounded my cGPA - went from a perfect 3.5 down to a meager 3.28 >.< bes Al7amdulilah 3la kil 7aal.
3elm exams coming up soon, 2nd year finals..Inshalla 5ayr. 3mra was canceled thanks to my Dad's work; they seem to think he's the only person who doesn't need a holiday down there! Really infuriating, but 8adar Allah; Masha2a fa3al. There's definitely some 5ayr in this, even though I don't really see it yet. Flying out to Lahore on the 31st of July, and back into Dubai on 8th August...as planned for now.
Bleugh, this post seems SO bland, more like a news update!-.- I have an issue to discuss which is pissing me off these days, but I feel too worn out to type anymore..here at least!:p
So until next time, dear readers! This was just to let y'all know I'm still alive, and ain't buried 6 feet under (to your utter dismay!) :p
To those who awaited updates, sorryyyy...I'll try to write more often. And to those who were happy that I've disappeared, guess who's back? (H) :p
Lol, been a while, hasn't it? Have I been missed?:p
Life's just been keepin' me on my toes, that's all I can say! Al7amdulillah, there's so much to be thankful, appreciative, and grateful for!
I've not been writing lately, because either I don't get the time to write, or I have nothing much to say. I have not written any poems in a LONG time now; I think I might just lose my 'talent'!
Oh, I left FB Al7amdulilah, upon my eldest brother's request - Allah yjzeeh kil5ayr fdnya wel a5ira. I wasn't using it for anything other than uni news, and the male requests were getting up my nerves. Evidently, my 'm6aw3a extreme cover' didn't help much. Sb7analla, my leaving FB made a lot of people happier, so it was all 5ayr!=D
Elmuhem, I finished 2nd year with a decent cGPA - if I may say so myself - of 3.26. It's going to take a lot of hard work to make up for my disastrous 3rd semester; critically wounded my cGPA - went from a perfect 3.5 down to a meager 3.28 >.< bes Al7amdulilah 3la kil 7aal.
3elm exams coming up soon, 2nd year finals..Inshalla 5ayr. 3mra was canceled thanks to my Dad's work; they seem to think he's the only person who doesn't need a holiday down there! Really infuriating, but 8adar Allah; Masha2a fa3al. There's definitely some 5ayr in this, even though I don't really see it yet. Flying out to Lahore on the 31st of July, and back into Dubai on 8th August...as planned for now.
Bleugh, this post seems SO bland, more like a news update!-.- I have an issue to discuss which is pissing me off these days, but I feel too worn out to type anymore..here at least!:p
So until next time, dear readers! This was just to let y'all know I'm still alive, and ain't buried 6 feet under (to your utter dismay!) :p
To those who awaited updates, sorryyyy...I'll try to write more often. And to those who were happy that I've disappeared, guess who's back? (H) :p
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Update!
Salam 3alykm,
Al7amdulillah everything has been going perfectly in life, with the exception of the general 'glitches' that come up now and again. I got my laptop, which is GREAT news for me; a 3rd year BBA student (H) lol...I wanted to get the Dell Inspiron 1420 *MEGA CUTE lappie!* but unfortunately, it isn't selling in the Middle East. However, I settled for a Dell Inspiron 1525, and am over the MOON...lovin' it..LOL!
My brother keeps warning me about being attached to 'material things', but it's my first...so excitement comes naturally. I remember I was crazy about my cellphone too, at first..still am! I call it being grateful for what Ni3m Allah has blessed you with! *sounds much better that way!*
2nd year of 3elm is coming to an end, and it leaves me with a bitter-sweet feeling. Although I devoted more time to university with all the project work I had this semester, I'm really going to miss our classes :'( Inshalla, I'll be moving on to 3rd year...but the feeling will be '3ayr.
Most importantly, we now have MORE knowledge, increasing the responsibility we have on our shoulders. May Allah give us the Toufee8 to bring what we learned into practice; our 3elm MUST be reflected in our A3maal, or there is no use. As per a 7deeth:
العلم بلا عمل وبال و العمل بلا علم ضلال
I AM worried about the exams, as I did not get the 'practice' that everyone else got. I barely did the tests, and my first-terms were written without studying >.< So, I miserably flunked Na7w, but Sb7analla, got a 97/100 in 7deeth; و هذا من فضل ربي
I've started U9ool el Fi8h from SOMEWHERE Al7mdulillah, but I still find it really confusing...the URDU bit! Reading the 3bara is fine, wel7amdulillah. Made up for whatever I missed in Fi8h - و هذا من فضل ربي Na7w is hmm...okaaayyy...not so great, also because of the Urdu explanations! I think Urdu will FOREVER remain a problem with me, because it IS giving me a HARD time. Al7amdulillah, my reading skills have improved GREATLY, though. *But I guess that's only because my Arabic reading skills have had a mark improvement, too!*
Anyway, it's kinda late..gotta turn in for the night! Yeah, I have also become a chicken from an owl since uni finished! I'm SO grateful that we have NIGHT for SLEEPING. Still have a problem with getting up for Fajr, though >.< Inshalla may9eer illel5ayr..
Take care Readers,
Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh
Al7amdulillah everything has been going perfectly in life, with the exception of the general 'glitches' that come up now and again. I got my laptop, which is GREAT news for me; a 3rd year BBA student (H) lol...I wanted to get the Dell Inspiron 1420 *MEGA CUTE lappie!* but unfortunately, it isn't selling in the Middle East. However, I settled for a Dell Inspiron 1525, and am over the MOON...lovin' it..LOL!
My brother keeps warning me about being attached to 'material things', but it's my first...so excitement comes naturally. I remember I was crazy about my cellphone too, at first..still am! I call it being grateful for what Ni3m Allah has blessed you with! *sounds much better that way!*
2nd year of 3elm is coming to an end, and it leaves me with a bitter-sweet feeling. Although I devoted more time to university with all the project work I had this semester, I'm really going to miss our classes :'( Inshalla, I'll be moving on to 3rd year...but the feeling will be '3ayr.
Most importantly, we now have MORE knowledge, increasing the responsibility we have on our shoulders. May Allah give us the Toufee8 to bring what we learned into practice; our 3elm MUST be reflected in our A3maal, or there is no use. As per a 7deeth:
العلم بلا عمل وبال و العمل بلا علم ضلال
I AM worried about the exams, as I did not get the 'practice' that everyone else got. I barely did the tests, and my first-terms were written without studying >.< So, I miserably flunked Na7w, but Sb7analla, got a 97/100 in 7deeth; و هذا من فضل ربي
I've started U9ool el Fi8h from SOMEWHERE Al7mdulillah, but I still find it really confusing...the URDU bit! Reading the 3bara is fine, wel7amdulillah. Made up for whatever I missed in Fi8h - و هذا من فضل ربي Na7w is hmm...okaaayyy...not so great, also because of the Urdu explanations! I think Urdu will FOREVER remain a problem with me, because it IS giving me a HARD time. Al7amdulillah, my reading skills have improved GREATLY, though. *But I guess that's only because my Arabic reading skills have had a mark improvement, too!*
Anyway, it's kinda late..gotta turn in for the night! Yeah, I have also become a chicken from an owl since uni finished! I'm SO grateful that we have NIGHT for SLEEPING. Still have a problem with getting up for Fajr, though >.< Inshalla may9eer illel5ayr..
Take care Readers,
Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thru Wit Finals!
Salam 3alykm
It's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah, was all tied down this week with finals, but al7amdulillah finished 2nd year off with Business Law (H) lol..
I've been really busy these days...really REALLY busy! I won't disclose much, but let's just say...I'm the happiest I've ever been in life right now, al7amdulillah ^_^
Even so, I have my ups & downs *purely hormonal* but my general mood is ECSTATIC ;)
Anyway, I think I'm losin' touch on my 'poetic-ness' :p I won't say I didn't write anything, but I will say that whatever I wrote fit perfectly for the 'occasion' *But...it won't be shared here!:p*
This is a first..! I can't think of anything to write...! Aiight, this was just a small update to let y'all know I'm alive & kickin', and really really really really REALLY happy...possibly...for the FIRST time in my life...cuz this time...I know this happiness is for real, Al7amdulillah ^_^
Take care, Readers
Wes Salam 3alykm wa Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
It's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah, was all tied down this week with finals, but al7amdulillah finished 2nd year off with Business Law (H) lol..
I've been really busy these days...really REALLY busy! I won't disclose much, but let's just say...I'm the happiest I've ever been in life right now, al7amdulillah ^_^
Even so, I have my ups & downs *purely hormonal* but my general mood is ECSTATIC ;)
Anyway, I think I'm losin' touch on my 'poetic-ness' :p I won't say I didn't write anything, but I will say that whatever I wrote fit perfectly for the 'occasion' *But...it won't be shared here!:p*
This is a first..! I can't think of anything to write...! Aiight, this was just a small update to let y'all know I'm alive & kickin', and really really really really REALLY happy...possibly...for the FIRST time in my life...cuz this time...I know this happiness is for real, Al7amdulillah ^_^
Take care, Readers
Wes Salam 3alykm wa Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Reminiscent...
Salam 3alykm
While coming back from university a few minutes ago, a very painful memory spoiled my joyous mood on the way home. It was the first *and hopefully the LAST* time I ever cried in front of a friend. It is also the same reason that makes me cry at my stupidity, naivety, &...the most WONDERFUL mistake I ever made in my life...all because I learnt A LOT out of it...
Makes me wonder though...will I never be the same again? I was 16-17 at the time...I'm 19, going on 20 now...why the HELL can't I let go, even though I've done EVERYTHING there could be in this world to do so!?
And it's for this very reason that...I sometimes hate myself...
I know my emotions were toyed around with, I was just a game in the wrong hands...but why can't I HATE THE PLAYER??
I feel so broken right now...even drugs can't help me this time...
لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين
While coming back from university a few minutes ago, a very painful memory spoiled my joyous mood on the way home. It was the first *and hopefully the LAST* time I ever cried in front of a friend. It is also the same reason that makes me cry at my stupidity, naivety, &...the most WONDERFUL mistake I ever made in my life...all because I learnt A LOT out of it...
Makes me wonder though...will I never be the same again? I was 16-17 at the time...I'm 19, going on 20 now...why the HELL can't I let go, even though I've done EVERYTHING there could be in this world to do so!?
And it's for this very reason that...I sometimes hate myself...
I know my emotions were toyed around with, I was just a game in the wrong hands...but why can't I HATE THE PLAYER??
I feel so broken right now...even drugs can't help me this time...
لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين
Friday, April 11, 2008
Life?
Salam 3alykm
Hopefully, this should be a short post because I have 4 tests to study for; 2 related to 3elm, & 2 related to uni!
Sb7analla, Allah really works wonders! I had given up on life completely a few days ago; spent a whole day doing nothing but crying. Didn't speak at all, just sat there while the tears flowed endlessly, wondering why & when my time would come. The following day in 7deeth class, we read a 7deeth...and the part that gave me the strength to stand up & face every single challenge in this world was: اللهم لا عيش الا عيش الآخرة
SB7ANALLA! I read that, and suddenly I felt like some sorta energy had been pumped in me! Al7mdulilah, even though things are still rough, I know that this is what the world is supposed to be like...and if I want anything different, then I gotta BUILD my own A5ira by workin' on my level of Iman, & graspin' onto the Sharee3a for dear life!
So, beloved brothers & sisters...there is still time -''til the sun rises from the West' as quoted by Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه و سلم - for sincere repentance.
May Allah make it easy for all of us to stay steadfast on His Deen; Ameen.
Hopefully, this should be a short post because I have 4 tests to study for; 2 related to 3elm, & 2 related to uni!
Sb7analla, Allah really works wonders! I had given up on life completely a few days ago; spent a whole day doing nothing but crying. Didn't speak at all, just sat there while the tears flowed endlessly, wondering why & when my time would come. The following day in 7deeth class, we read a 7deeth...and the part that gave me the strength to stand up & face every single challenge in this world was: اللهم لا عيش الا عيش الآخرة
SB7ANALLA! I read that, and suddenly I felt like some sorta energy had been pumped in me! Al7mdulilah, even though things are still rough, I know that this is what the world is supposed to be like...and if I want anything different, then I gotta BUILD my own A5ira by workin' on my level of Iman, & graspin' onto the Sharee3a for dear life!
So, beloved brothers & sisters...there is still time -''til the sun rises from the West' as quoted by Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه و سلم - for sincere repentance.
May Allah make it easy for all of us to stay steadfast on His Deen; Ameen.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Nail-biting
Salam 3alykm
I'm going through a very bad stage in life right now, but anyway...Al7amdulilah. I realized today, that...ever since a very young age, I've been inflicting pain upon myself. I've always been a nail-biter, & even though I stopped on & off, I bite the skin around the nails. Yep, it sounds ultra gross, but I don't exactly eat the skin as a snack or anything. I don't realize I'm doing it; it's only when people around shout at me, I put my hand back down.
And they didn't start shouting 'til recently; so it's become a pretty bad...habit? See, the thing is..when I bite my nails, I bite them 'til the point where I draw blood. Y'all ever cut your nail(s) off so much that it hurts? Well yeah, when I nail-bite, that's exactly what my nails look like. So, I'm sittin' today..thinkin' about stuff while ripping the skin around my nails, and I don't realize that's something's wrong, 'til I see blood. THAT'S when it sorta struck me...
My hands look messed anyway, so I don't care about them not bein' 'pretty' or 'feminine'. People see my fingers and wince, and I just look at them; expression-less. I don't find anything squeamish about them, but then again...I've been workin' on my fingers for quite a long time. The only downside though, is they start bleeding all of a sudden, and I won't realize it 'til I see blood on the keyboard *happens quite often*, on my notes *yep...this one too* , or on some other surface I've touched.
I couldn't care less if men find it disgusting and/or unattractive, so telling me stuff like, 'No one will want to marry a girl with hands like yours' isn't going to make me stop. A man who marries on the basis of a girl's hands is a narrow-minded freak who I wouldn't even consider in the first place. Besides, I've seen nothing except hatred, bitterness, & depression as a result of marriage...and men? I used to say the good ones are either taken or too old; now I say, they're either ma7ram or...DEAD. 6 feet under. Most men are heartless, inhumane, egoistic CREATURES who don't give a sh** about ANYONE except themselves. Even those who claim they're 'religious'...yeah, they have their own Sharee3a...customized to satisfy their selfish wants.
I couldn't care less about what my hands look like; I love them as they are because I accomplish a LOT of work with them...as for nail-biting, I'm going through another 'stop' phase, but I'm drawing even more blood now then ever (skin ripping). Another downside is I gotta keep redoing my w'9oo2 because of the blood factor, but I guess that's cool for when I'm home...can be a slight bit of a problem at uni, though.
For those people who I've 'counseled'...please don't adopt what I DO, adopt what I SAY (when it comes to the 'depression' factor; Deen-wise, I guess I'm OK) because what I do is exactly the opposite of what I say. Soon, the tables will be turned; Y'all will be givin' ME advice on why I shouldn't give up on life, but 'til then...accept my teachings & leave me be as I am...a psychotic, nail-biter who wishes her life would cease...but then she becomes hesitant, for she doesn't know if she has enough deeds to save her from Jahannam.
I'm going through a very bad stage in life right now, but anyway...Al7amdulilah. I realized today, that...ever since a very young age, I've been inflicting pain upon myself. I've always been a nail-biter, & even though I stopped on & off, I bite the skin around the nails. Yep, it sounds ultra gross, but I don't exactly eat the skin as a snack or anything. I don't realize I'm doing it; it's only when people around shout at me, I put my hand back down.
And they didn't start shouting 'til recently; so it's become a pretty bad...habit? See, the thing is..when I bite my nails, I bite them 'til the point where I draw blood. Y'all ever cut your nail(s) off so much that it hurts? Well yeah, when I nail-bite, that's exactly what my nails look like. So, I'm sittin' today..thinkin' about stuff while ripping the skin around my nails, and I don't realize that's something's wrong, 'til I see blood. THAT'S when it sorta struck me...
My hands look messed anyway, so I don't care about them not bein' 'pretty' or 'feminine'. People see my fingers and wince, and I just look at them; expression-less. I don't find anything squeamish about them, but then again...I've been workin' on my fingers for quite a long time. The only downside though, is they start bleeding all of a sudden, and I won't realize it 'til I see blood on the keyboard *happens quite often*, on my notes *yep...this one too* , or on some other surface I've touched.
I couldn't care less if men find it disgusting and/or unattractive, so telling me stuff like, 'No one will want to marry a girl with hands like yours' isn't going to make me stop. A man who marries on the basis of a girl's hands is a narrow-minded freak who I wouldn't even consider in the first place. Besides, I've seen nothing except hatred, bitterness, & depression as a result of marriage...and men? I used to say the good ones are either taken or too old; now I say, they're either ma7ram or...DEAD. 6 feet under. Most men are heartless, inhumane, egoistic CREATURES who don't give a sh** about ANYONE except themselves. Even those who claim they're 'religious'...yeah, they have their own Sharee3a...customized to satisfy their selfish wants.
I couldn't care less about what my hands look like; I love them as they are because I accomplish a LOT of work with them...as for nail-biting, I'm going through another 'stop' phase, but I'm drawing even more blood now then ever (skin ripping). Another downside is I gotta keep redoing my w'9oo2 because of the blood factor, but I guess that's cool for when I'm home...can be a slight bit of a problem at uni, though.
For those people who I've 'counseled'...please don't adopt what I DO, adopt what I SAY (when it comes to the 'depression' factor; Deen-wise, I guess I'm OK) because what I do is exactly the opposite of what I say. Soon, the tables will be turned; Y'all will be givin' ME advice on why I shouldn't give up on life, but 'til then...accept my teachings & leave me be as I am...a psychotic, nail-biter who wishes her life would cease...but then she becomes hesitant, for she doesn't know if she has enough deeds to save her from Jahannam.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
On life & WORK!
Salam 3alykm
First of all, I'm really glad to mention that the readers of this blog are increasing steadily - for whatever reason! - Al7amdulillaah...but y'all refuse to leave comments; makes you UNTRACEABLE -.- lol...it's all good, though! =D
People told me I write GOOD stuff, but y'all are just bein' nice..I know -.- There ain't nothin' in this blog that others can't write! Besides, it's just something I want to read some day...and be able to laugh it all off...
I'm going to make this a short post, because SERIOUSLY...my life is a RACE against TIME. It's beginning to reflect in my health, actually...but it's OK..Mom says when I drop dead, they'll bury me in my grave..I guess we won't have to worry about marriage anymore then which is good enough! My blood pressure seems nonexistent now, LOL. I'm truly a livin' zombiiiee...muahahaha :p
I did say I wouldn't blog about my life, right? Well..I'm doin' good enough; it's ME I'm talkin' about! (A) :p
Past few days, or WEEKS, should I say...have been pretty rough on me...every time I think, I'm finally through with depression; won't cry over 'spilled milk' anymore...it backfires on me -.- HORMONES!
I wrote a REALLY raw poem yesterday...wreaking of feelings...but it's incomplete, & I might decide not to share it with y'all in the end...because I was INCREDIBLY messed up...went through a minor breakdown..
I do realize I might be psychotic after all, & the realization increases after EVERY Psychology class! I LOVE the field; it's connected with EVERYTHING in life...including DEEN...Sb7anallah! I would have changed my major, but the only & BIGGEST problem is that, the only places it's offered are UAEU *locals only* and KV...and there ain't NO WAY IN HELL, HEAVEN, OR EARTH that I'm studying in THAT MESSED UP place! 5ayr inshalla, if I live long enough, I might take up someone's suggestion & study it after marriage...online. *THANK GOD for e-learning!*
OK, I have a LOT of work waiting for me related to studies & housework..so I better get started on THAT. Being 19 sucks; even though we ain't housewives yet, we sure go through FULL FLEDGE 'TRAINING COURSES'...and what's worse is...they're COMPULSORY...'requirements' so they say -.-
Oh well, it's all a part of life...so I might as well quit complainin', eh? Life's short anyway..before I know it...I'll be in my grave....*shudders*
The best part of it all is that I'm a MUSLIMAH....& that's ALL that matters!=D
First of all, I'm really glad to mention that the readers of this blog are increasing steadily - for whatever reason! - Al7amdulillaah...but y'all refuse to leave comments; makes you UNTRACEABLE -.- lol...it's all good, though! =D
People told me I write GOOD stuff, but y'all are just bein' nice..I know -.- There ain't nothin' in this blog that others can't write! Besides, it's just something I want to read some day...and be able to laugh it all off...
I'm going to make this a short post, because SERIOUSLY...my life is a RACE against TIME. It's beginning to reflect in my health, actually...but it's OK..Mom says when I drop dead, they'll bury me in my grave..I guess we won't have to worry about marriage anymore then which is good enough! My blood pressure seems nonexistent now, LOL. I'm truly a livin' zombiiiee...muahahaha :p
I did say I wouldn't blog about my life, right? Well..I'm doin' good enough; it's ME I'm talkin' about! (A) :p
Past few days, or WEEKS, should I say...have been pretty rough on me...every time I think, I'm finally through with depression; won't cry over 'spilled milk' anymore...it backfires on me -.- HORMONES!
I wrote a REALLY raw poem yesterday...wreaking of feelings...but it's incomplete, & I might decide not to share it with y'all in the end...because I was INCREDIBLY messed up...went through a minor breakdown..
I do realize I might be psychotic after all, & the realization increases after EVERY Psychology class! I LOVE the field; it's connected with EVERYTHING in life...including DEEN...Sb7anallah! I would have changed my major, but the only & BIGGEST problem is that, the only places it's offered are UAEU *locals only* and KV...and there ain't NO WAY IN HELL, HEAVEN, OR EARTH that I'm studying in THAT MESSED UP place! 5ayr inshalla, if I live long enough, I might take up someone's suggestion & study it after marriage...online. *THANK GOD for e-learning!*
OK, I have a LOT of work waiting for me related to studies & housework..so I better get started on THAT. Being 19 sucks; even though we ain't housewives yet, we sure go through FULL FLEDGE 'TRAINING COURSES'...and what's worse is...they're COMPULSORY...'requirements' so they say -.-
Oh well, it's all a part of life...so I might as well quit complainin', eh? Life's short anyway..before I know it...I'll be in my grave....*shudders*
The best part of it all is that I'm a MUSLIMAH....& that's ALL that matters!=D
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Changes
Salam 3alykm
The reason why I have not been blogging is because things were pretty crazy around here! Anyway, I wrote a WHOLE post *yep, one of those LONG ones!* this afternoon, and not too long ago, my eldest brother made a HUGE issue, w Allah yjzeeh kil 5ayr...because I've decided not to blog about my life anymore. I don't know WHAT I'll blog about...IF I'll blog anymore to begin with..but yeah, there's nothing so interesting about my life that needs to be published for everyone out there to read about..
I'll blog some of my poems, I guess...& things related to Deen, bes Inshalla..there won't be nothing related to the life I'm livin' right now, & what's happenin'..y'all will probably get a gist of that anyway through my poetry..
I got slightly furious at him cuz 'who the hell does he think he is to control my life?' but Al7mdulillaah *after washing dishes :p* I realized, he only means well ^_^
My loved ones & those who are close to me already know about my life..the rest need to work on their relationships with me if they want to extract that personal information :p
With that said, here's something I wrote on the 16th of March, titled: " Lovers' Sunrise" (corny, I know..but if you think of a better title, then lemme know through 'comments')
She stands alone on the shore, mind preoccupied
Trying to figure out valid reasons behind all those lies
Tears flow freely now, because she knows there's no one around
Misery & heartache is all that she found
Rejection was the biggest of all her fears
The mere thought of it all brings back tears
Why didn't she just deny all the 'love' that came through?
Why didn't she realize it's the same thing all guys do?
Sweet-talk the girl until she finally gives in
Then end it all even faster than they begin...
She gasps as someone turns her around & takes her hand
Gently wipes away her tears and together they stand
Husband & wife out to share their first sunrise
He knows what she's been through, so he isn't taken by surprise
She sobs against his warm chest helplessly
Making him wrap his arms around her protectively
...It is but a beautiful scenario that unfolds before oblivious eyes
Newlyweds locked in an embrace while sharing their first 'Lovers' Sunrise'
The reason why I have not been blogging is because things were pretty crazy around here! Anyway, I wrote a WHOLE post *yep, one of those LONG ones!* this afternoon, and not too long ago, my eldest brother made a HUGE issue, w Allah yjzeeh kil 5ayr...because I've decided not to blog about my life anymore. I don't know WHAT I'll blog about...IF I'll blog anymore to begin with..but yeah, there's nothing so interesting about my life that needs to be published for everyone out there to read about..
I'll blog some of my poems, I guess...& things related to Deen, bes Inshalla..there won't be nothing related to the life I'm livin' right now, & what's happenin'..y'all will probably get a gist of that anyway through my poetry..
I got slightly furious at him cuz 'who the hell does he think he is to control my life?' but Al7mdulillaah *after washing dishes :p* I realized, he only means well ^_^
My loved ones & those who are close to me already know about my life..the rest need to work on their relationships with me if they want to extract that personal information :p
With that said, here's something I wrote on the 16th of March, titled: " Lovers' Sunrise" (corny, I know..but if you think of a better title, then lemme know through 'comments')
She stands alone on the shore, mind preoccupied
Trying to figure out valid reasons behind all those lies
Tears flow freely now, because she knows there's no one around
Misery & heartache is all that she found
Rejection was the biggest of all her fears
The mere thought of it all brings back tears
Why didn't she just deny all the 'love' that came through?
Why didn't she realize it's the same thing all guys do?
Sweet-talk the girl until she finally gives in
Then end it all even faster than they begin...
She gasps as someone turns her around & takes her hand
Gently wipes away her tears and together they stand
Husband & wife out to share their first sunrise
He knows what she's been through, so he isn't taken by surprise
She sobs against his warm chest helplessly
Making him wrap his arms around her protectively
...It is but a beautiful scenario that unfolds before oblivious eyes
Newlyweds locked in an embrace while sharing their first 'Lovers' Sunrise'
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