Worthless

Salam 3alykm,

I've been hurt, and no matter how hard I pretend all that's left are the scars...the wounds are still raw and open, and they bleed. I might seem like I'm in control, but truthfully...I'm under the control of my thoughts.

I have surrendered; I have tried so hard, and yet...I can't let go...

I need help...bro noticed it before I did, and he told me to pull myself together. I laughed it off and told him it's all OK; I'm perfectly fine now. Yes, I was in pure denial.

Reality tells me: I'm worth nothing...

BOREDOM!

Salam 3lykm

Aahhhh, I'm SO bored! I crashed at 11 last night, couldn't go on further - although I planned to stick through, and have a talk with the couple...but Al7amdulillah, I think everything is sorted out now. All I have to do is stick around, and throw 'em in to lock-down, Inshalla. *refer to previous post*

I woke up at 745am - good sign. Hopefully my sleep pattern is going to settle down into the proper mode now. Took a shower and got ready, but there's nothing to do, no where to go! The weather is looking slightly weird - looks like there's going to be a dust storm. Had enough of those on the KSA highway! We even got stuck in one on the Madeena Hiway - cops pulled everyone over off the Hiway because it was pretty bad. Dad brought the Tank from a 140 to a crawl - was a miracle really, Al7amdulillah. Nearly got thrown over!

Dad's been shouting at me, tells me I look GRAY. I don't...they think I look yellow, and blue at times too..but I'm NORMAL. I'm not in the mood for food anymore. Used to the heavy 'workout' I used to get in KSA, and the killed appetite, and since Rama'9an's here, can't be stuffing my face like a hog! Besides, gotta gear up and keep in shape for our trip in Rama'9an; going to be mad rush, and there will be a lot of running around!

There was a lot of rush now as well, specially them bloody Iranis who spoil everyone's 6awaf & 3mra with their persistently loud chanting! They'd just come in their mega huge groups, and everyone would be cursing them, including the local Makkawis. God knows what the hell they come for; they should just stay back in Karbala...come and scream 'Ya Ali!' and spoil the whole atmosphere for those around them!

What the hell is the use of coming all the way down into 7aramain eshareefain, then doing Sajda on that THING..or that Karbala mat they have? 5leekm hnaak! Walla, they gave me a hard time, but I think my hatred for them is pretty apparent...because a couple of times, they just got up and ran from where I was sitting. I have many stories about the 5aba2ith they do when they come down to KSA, and these are all FRESH! What happened in front of ME, this time...! Allah y7f'6na min shar'hum...even the S3oodis are sick and tired of them...and 3fanAlllaaaahhhh...they STINK SO BAD! The poor Shur6iyaat were gagging when these stink bombs past by. It's the smell of their KUFR and SHIRK - they don't even PRAY in jma3a when they come here! It's not happened once, or twice....EVERYTIME...they spoil other people's 9alah, destroy 9foof with their presence!

What's with the 'getting rid of flies' move?! 3faaanallaaah! Can you imagine how hellish it was for me? Next thing I knew, I was looking around for a place in the 9aff next to a person who does 'salam' the NORMAL way! I once ended up next to B7raini or 3ragi Shee3is - how the hell was I supposed to know they're shee3i?! I used to try to get a place next to the Malays, or Indonesians..if not next to S3oodis. Al7amdulillah, in Makkah I always ended up next to Emaratis, one way or another! Madeena was a toughie, but once I literally got up and changed my place because the 9aff was INFESTED with Iranis - 3fanallah! Couple of Madani women started laughing, because they knew what I was doing. One person who works in 7aram told me, it's literally impossible to avoid these people - they are like ROACHES! Can you imagine, there are now security cameras in the ladies side of 7aram *A tip-off for all you mtna8ibaat out there; keep your n8ab on all the time!* because one woman was found taking an arms-length KNIFE inside?!

They do strip searches, specially for the Iranis now...who behave really rudely! If I had to deal with 'em, I'd throw 'em outta the Masjid from the entrances! They push their way through, ignoring the women working there! Thanks to them, mayd5loonkm with a camera phone! Apparently, some Iranis were caught taking pictures of other women INSIDE 7aram! *Another reason why all mtna8ibat need to keep their n8ab on!* So, I had to deal with being cut off from my parents for around 5 or 6 hours, and I'm grateful they were ASLEEP or they'd be worried SICK about me. Later on, they let me go through, because I showed them my gallery..told them I never take shots of 7aram OR even places outside! Fone is just for keeping in touch with parents..

Gelna laysh ma7ad ygoolhm shay?! They come in, even though the locals, even those working in 7aram are sick of them! Turns out, Uboohm el Amreekan had a problem during the days it wasn't allowed for them to come in. So, now we have visa restrictions on everyone except these vile cockroaches, and it pisses the hell outta me! Al7amdulilah 3ela ni3m el i8ameh..

You will be disgusted to know that they bring filth into 7aram, and it is very common for them to URINATE in the Zamzam drinking areas for men and women, in the ma6af...hell, around the whole MASJID! They are the most NASTIEST bunch of people I've EVER heard of - I'm well-known for my bitter hatred of Shee3is...agulkm, hm wel yhood NAFS ESHAY! Who started Shee3ism anyway? A JEW living in Madinah. Allah y7f'6na min sharrhm!

Mind you, I have nothing against Iranis..unless they SHEE3I. Latgooloonli enhm Muslimeen...cheft-hm w cheft t9arrufaat-hm...MUSHRIKEEN. Maysjdoon lillaah - ysjdoon lil gboor fel Madinah! Al7amdulilah their burial is FORBIDDEN is el ba8ee3; no Shee3i's jnaza is brought in 7aramain eshareefain after an incident where the face of one had turned into that of a pig, wel3iyaath billaah.

I'll leave the stories for another post - right now I'm really hot-headed after talking about them! I used to read t3awwuth kilma they used to pass by, hoping they'd disappear! 3fanallaahh!

For any Shee3i who reads this: please stay miles away from me - I can't stand you lot...entow 3dow er R7maan! I've had fights with your kind, and I promise you...NONE of them have been pretty.

Rest of my readers: Call me an extremist, if you will...but only if you knew half the things they do when they go to 7aram, maybe you'd turn 'extremists' like me! W7da yalsa fir rou'9a w t9ee7 w t'9rib 3mrha w tgool ya 3ali?! Al7amdulillah the Shur6iya threw her out Bab Jibraeel - told her to go back to Karbala & do all the 'Ya 3ali' she wants.

7asbunallah w ni3mel wakeel!

Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Back...for 2 weeks

Salam 3lykm,

First off, we crossed borders at 5am, reached home around 930-10am al7amdulillah*not sure about the time because I was asleep as it was close to my bedtime* The only comforting thought that I have is we'll be back in 7aram in 2 weeks bi2ithnillaah T3aala - this time for a much longer duration *Around 2 weeks*, Inshalla. Sure, I'll miss 7 uni days, but what's better than 3mra in Rama'9an, and 3eed in Madeena? Walla it would be amazing low we went in a brand new Yukon XL *pleeeeease, Ya Allaaahhh!* bes...the good ol' Tank has served us well for all these years. Besides, nothing like it in AD =D Stands out loud & proud! (H)

Second: Another engagement broke, and this time...it was twice as devestating. It's hard to see your bestie *more like your sis* in a hellish state, so I HAD to do something. Al7amdulillah, bi fa'9lillaah T3aala, I was able to play a part in patch-works, w Inshalla may9eer illel5ayr from here onwards. *I'm determined to see at least ONE of us happy, and if it's not me, then it BETTER be her!*

Third: *Should have been first!* RAMA'9AN M'BARAK, y'all! =D

Fourth: I SO shouldn't have eaten that chocolate...*ugh*...Feelin' sick! Gonna kill ya, Nadz...*but SO happy for ya, hon!*bear hug* =D

Fifth: I got a job offer in Madeena...to work in 7aram as part of the women police force ;P Had to turn it down, cuz they asked me on the last day =( Y'all pray I get married and move off to Madeena, Inshalla. That would be a dream come true.

Sixth: I feel really happy right now - it's a natural high I get when I know I've helped someone...al7amdulillah! My next move is throwing these two into LOCK-DOWN...AKA Nika7! Allah ys3edhm dnya w a5ira, w ybarek ef 7yat-hm elydeeda; gooolooo *say* AMEEEEN!

Seventh: Bessss, t3ebt walla...been awake since yesterday 7pm...trying to get my sleeping pattern fixed up! Don't think will clock much sleep tonight either, though. Once again, it's TOP PRIORITY on my agenda right now, so couldn't care much about sleep!

Eighth: Take care, wed3ooly...my results come out in a few days...Inshalla 5ayr..

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh

Phone Calls

Salam 3alykm

First off, al7amdulillah I'm nearly back to normal now, and the road trip to KSA will start on Thursday, bi2ithnillah T3ala ^_^

Right, my topic today is one that has kept me up all night - I'm worried/depressed about a certain situation, and on top of that, I just heard a lecture, titled: "Eshbab wesh Shahwaat", by Shay5 Nabeel el 3wa'9y.

Problem at hand is, 'prank calls' that turn into nightmares. Usually, all I have to do is turn 'm6aw3aness' up real high, and they back off. This time, it doesn't seem to be working. And technically, this person has been after me for two years or even more than that now. First, I was shocked, now...I'm sick and depressed of this situation. Not because I can't get outta it *When m6aw3aness fails, mention the cops* but to think that so many guys out there have nothing better to do, but call random numbers...walla 7araam.

Why is this so? They have TOO much spare time on their hands, and they don't know what to do with it! It's a combination of many things, really..but it all stems from free time. It's slightly pathetic, too. I remember on a uni night, I received a call from a bunch'a guys who had really nothing better to do, whiling away time in some cafe. I knew it was a bunch, because as soon as one of them spoke, I heard a group of giggling idiots in the background. It was past midnight, and those were the days I was actually clocking some sleep at night, so I was pissed. Turns out, their 'leader' was not such a bad guy after all, because after I told him he'd be the reason for my missing Fajr, he was sincerely apologetic, and I never heard from that bunch again wel7amdulillah.

In fact, be it the m6aw3aness or the police threats, I never receive calls from those callers ever again wel7amdulilah. They say 'Mumkin net3arref?' I say, '3ela Ubooyeh wela u5ooyeh?' and then, they're gone. OK, I manage to get rid of 'em, but how many other girls are lucky to do so, and not get ensnared in their devilish traps? See, I would say it starts from the girls themselves, too..after all: النساء حبائل الشيطان. If they loosened those 3bas like they're MEANT to be worn, and covered their hair *ALL OF IT, including those pesky strands that I just want to tug on every time I see 'em!*, stopped taking showers with 36oor, and spent less time turning themselves into clowns...there would be less men falling into Shay6an's pit.

It's terrible...a whole vicious circle of Fitn. It starts with Shay6an of course, who leads everyone astray with his Damned Whispers. Includes free time, bad company....BANG! You're in for a whole lotta sh** that follows. Anyway, I'm going off-track, as usual. Was talking about this sick disease of prank-calling girls, and trying to get some action in their lives. I swear, these people actually sound genuine with their sweet talk *AKA BS* sometimes. I know a LOT of people who've fallen for it, too. Winding stories of how they are unbelievably in love with the girl, and can't sleep because of her. Ya5y, take a damn sleeping pill w fekna min 5araabee6ek! They come up with poetry, and I must say..Arabic is truly a powerful language...bes 5leek wiya gom Sha3er el milyon if you're that good! Metfayjeeeeeen, and it really makes your blood boil when you can see through their BS.

This one guy tells me he's got my number since a YEAR, but he's never called because awenh ma yeba mshakel. 3ayel why you callin' now? And the funny thing is, I only had my SIM for around 9 or 10 months then! Sb7analla, he was trying to convince ME that it's impossible...I had it for more than a year, bes I was mistaken. Thing is, our numbers only differed by a digit, and usually that's the case with the 'sticky' callers. Now, had I been stupid enough to believe his BS, or possibly, if it was someone else who was more naive, innocent, and more gullible than me...she would have fallen for his useless fibs.

I come to my second point: a cell phone in the hands of a hyped teenager, is actually a HELL phone, as you can see in the society that surrounds you now. The biggest fitna - opens even the most securely shut doors. I got mine a month before uni, but I got my SIM a DAY before...I was 18. My parents had always been cautious enough never to get me one before that, w Allah yjzeehm kil5ayr. Obviously, I thought they were 'unfair', and 'control freaks' because all my 'friends' had the latest models then...but now I remember, they were also being played shamelessly and mercilessly by the most disgusting guys I have ever known. I was saved from that, wel7amdulilah.

So back to the innocent girl and the dog that's trying to rid her of her innocence:
She's scared at first, she's never talked to a guy before. She knows from her parents, and what she's been taught, that it's WRONG. The hound can sniff out amateurs, and knows what bait to lay, so he gets on with the process of nurturing the cowering prey. Once he succeeds in bringing her out of her shell *AKA killing or reducing her 7yaa2 substantially* he's bemused by what's hidden underneath. Then, he DEMANDS in a way that makes her helpless, and because she believes in all the BS he has fed her, the empty promises of an eternally blissful life together, because he has blinded her COMPLETELY, she SUBMITS. So, we are past two stages:
1. Use
2. Abuse

Third and fourth stages follow:
3. Confuse
4.Refuse

'Confuse' as you can imagine, is where the hound has been satiated, and now wants FRESH prey. He's through with this stale, old piece of meat. He got all the *and excuse me for being so ruthlessly blunt* GOOD BITS, needs to move on. He starts to nudge her away. She first gets 'confused', doesn't know what's going on. Here is the guy who's promised her happiness, marriage, ever-lasting love, and now, he's pushing her away? She's naive - takes it as a 'game' he's playing with her, but what she doesn't know is...she's the CHEW TOY now, and he's BORED, lost interest. So, she tries to get close, and sees his TRUE side. She can't understand; where's the loving and caring man she fell for?

'Refuse' is where he starts his threats, and gone is the 'love'. It never existed anyway, but she doesn't really know that. He has evidence that he can pull out against her, and if she doesn't leave him alone, he will throw it on her family, and shame them all. He is purely shameless - messes around with an innocent girl, and then threatens to darken her family after ruining their reputation. He doesn't know he is messing with the Wrath of Allah, and what goes around, COMES around...and with twice the force, that too.

At this point, she realizes where and how she went wrong, and why her elders forbade her from such evil. However, she is helpless, and under this hound's mercy. Her reputation now lies within his merciless claws, for him to do with it what he wills.

This may sound dramatic to you, but there are COUNTLESS stories of this kind. WHY? IDLE MINDS. He needs some action in life, and he keeps destroying the innocence of countless females, not realizing they are someone's sister and daughter. He forgets that he too, has beloved female family members, who can be preyed on by dogs like himself. And when they are, it's always too late.

How did all this begin? A mere phone call. The voice of a non-ma7ram can stir such feelings within a person, which they never knew ever existed! Someone's voice is more empowering than their LOOKS. When Musa 3layhis salam heard Allah, only then did he say, ربي أرني أنظر إليك

In the scenario above, I went through different stages that started from a phone call. The call develops into CALLS and messages, then pictures, then a scheduled meeting, then meetingS, then eventually and inevitably, zina.

Mind you, no one is safe from this major fitna. Even 'meltzmeen' fall prey to lust. After all, Shay6an has VOWED to lead Bani Adam astray. He's not going to burn in hell with his army, alone! He works effortlessly day and night, with even MORE patience than we have, to drag people deep down in the pits of hell. In fact, its the religious people that suffer more, and it's those who want to adhere to the Right Path, that have fierce and endless battles against Shay6an and his Army. He tried to lead PROPHETS astray, Awliya2 Allah...who are WE?! Only those who ALLAH protects, are safe from his wretched plans...Rabbi y7fe'6na w yb3d 3nna kil shar - Ameen.

I may have not fallen prey to these imbeciles that call in the late hours of the night, but I have learned things the hard way. I have fallen in Shay6an's traps, yet al7amdulillah...I'm pulled out before any serious damage is done...with the few scars necessary to serve as reminders never to tread those lanes ever again.

A long post, jumbled thoughts, but it helped me..*just hope this guy stops calling and messaging me without me having to threaten him!* ...hope it helps others, too ^_^

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Update: SICK!

Salam 3alykm,

Y'all not prayin' hard enough for me, eh? lol...I'm doooowwwwnnnn. Pakistan gave me a 'farewell present'; I'm really thinking of NEVER going there again. So damn fatigued, my lower back is killing me. A person like me only had a frosties bar & a glass of banana milkshake in the whole day! THAT'S something 100% ABNORMAL.

I was in bed the whole day, too; just got the energy to flop down in front of the PC for a bit. OH BTW, we aren't going by air; we're taking the usual road-trip to KSA. Terrifying enough for me, though. Hope I recover fully by Friday, or else we're going to have a problem!

I'm taking this as a 'cleanser'; expiation for my sins before entering the Holy Land.

OK, I'm starting to feel slightly light-headed again, so I'll end this here...

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Back...soon to be on the runway again!

Salam 3alykm ya jma3t el5ayr!

Yep, I'm back in one piece wel7amdulillah! Exams went great, al7amdulillah..specially...U9OOL el FI8H!=D Fi8h was a disaster though; studied all the main, huge chapters like nika7, 6alag, byoo3, w maya illa the one-page ones like elm2thoon w m'9arba -.- Al7amdulillah 3ela kil 7aal

Tafseer was downright tough, too...I didn't write much in that..not because I didn't know what to write, but because I couldn't form the sentences in Urdu...Inshalla 5ayr..

7deeth al7amdulillah had me in tears...with happiness, LOL! Same goes for Na7w & Seera! Wel7amdulillah, I can NOW thoroughly ENJOY my vacation, with NO studies in the way!=D

7ad eygooly what happened to my last post? chenna someone chopped it cuz ma3ybenna? ma3laih, lol! I'm SO happy to be back home, al7amdulillah! *Ironic, cuz I supposedly just came back from my 'home country' :p*

Inshalla will be on the move on Thursday; heading for 3mra bi2ithnillaah ^_^

M3enna life is being slightly rough on me ATM, I'm taking it one day at a time. After all, mub chenna those you love the most, are the ones who take a shot at your heart? Wel7amdulillah 3ela kil 7aal - a3ref there's 5ayr in this, too...7atta low I can't seem to see it right now. I guess I was well-prepared for whatever came my way this time, though. 'History repeated itself' and I REALLY saw it coming. *Shrugs* 3ela kil 7aal al7amdulillah

People keep asking me how my trip was. Well, besides the creepy crawlies, electricity cuts, heat, flooded roads..it wasnt THAAAAT bad!:p OMG, creepy crawlies freak me OUT, and I don't know WHY...I ALWAYS spotted 'em! *Shudders* It was entertainment for the rest, to watch me screaming around about some critter -.- LOL.

My sleeping and eating went haywire; which is why I suppose I managed to drop off some 'excess baggage' :p *WOOHOO!* Needless to say, we reached home at Fajr yesterday, and I slept from 6 to 6; a straight 12-hours! *yes, I myself CANNOT believe it!* Woke up, and was back snoozing away at 3am :p Woke up at 615 and couldn't go back to sleep, so now I'm watching 'freej' :p *So much for 'miss m6aw3a'!-.-*

My wrists are sore from all that writing I did in the past week, so I'll be taking a short break from typing, Inshalla. Will be back, full-force, head-on, etc etc after two weeks or so!

Take care y'all,

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi t3ala w barakateh

'Pre-travel Jitters'

Salam 3alykm

This is going to be the last post of July, Inshalla. I'm heading off to Pakistan & I'm dreading every single second, starting from today. Believe it or not, the only thing I'm looking forward to in this whole trip is...the way back! LOL, and that's only happening if we don't get killed.

7 and a half days, which seem more like 7 and a half YEARS to me! I should be terrified of the exams, considering I've only covered 7deeth and U9ool elFi8h till now! Na7w, Fi8h, and Seera are yet untouched >.< style="font-weight: bold;">

A Consoling Reminder

Salam 3alykm

I haven't exactly been in the best of moods for the past few weeks...life has it's ups...and whatever goes up, must come down...Al7amdulillah 3ela kil 7aal.

I'm past the stage of breakdowns al7amdulillah, insomnia still sticking around...I've become heartless...or should I say, numb? Right now, I don't care about anything...I know Allah is the Best Planner, and He already has everything planned...so I'm ready for anything that comes my way...

What irritates me is that, while I can help so many people beat depression, I can't be my own Shrink. I don't have anyone in my life that would do that for me, either. Yet again, Al7amdulillah; it gives me the chance to turn back to Allah, I guess. I realize that happiness also brings unintentional sinning...so maybe sadness is an expiation in disguise? =) *wishful thinking*

I started off writing a poem, depressive as usual. Then I decided to turn it into 'therapy', but this time...I would write POSITIVELY...so I could look back at this post whenever I'm facing another' down'. Most of my posts are depressive, as I believe in throwing my feelings out, and never going through them again *another form of therapy I've stuck by*

It's not great in terms of poetry, rhyming, and all that stuff...but today...that was not my priority as I wrote it. It's a simple yet heart-warming piece, which has made me realize...depression is not so bad after all..=)

When happiness walks out of your life
What are you supposed to do?
To bring it back, do you struggle & strive
Or just wait until it comes back to you?

When paranoia threatens to empower
& Insomnia has you unbelievably drained
Do you forget the blessings with which you've been showered
& all the love in life that you've been fortunate enough to gain?

If you had everything in this world
Do you realize you might have forgotten Allah?
Realize that depression may be something DEAR to hold
Considering it sometimes brings you closer to the only Ilaah

Patience is what you really need
Dnya is only filth plated with gold
To the Words of Allah you MUST pay heed
To attain ETERNAL BLISS in the heavenly abode

I ask all those who come across my blog to please remember me in your prayers, as I'm going through a 'storm' right now. I'm trying to be as patient as I can, but sometimes...Shay6an just gets to me.

Jazakm Allah 5ayr, dear readers...w Barak Allah Feekm

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Abandoned

Salam 3alykm

Here's a poem I wrote at around 4AM today:

Days have passed by
A week is now complete
All she can do is cry
While awake and in her sleep

Thoughts cross her mind
She has lost her sanity
She's trying desperately to find
Inner peace and tranquility

She doesn't know what's going on
Is history repeating itself over again?
What she knows is her happiness is gone
Leaving her to suffer the excruciating pain

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3aala w Barakateh

Disturbed

Salam 3alykm

Hope y'all are doing OK, Inshalla. *See? I ain't selfish..I care about my readers!(A)*

Y'all aren't praying enough for Um3eesa, ha? I feel like a 'hydrophobiac', thrown into an angry ocean, waves tossing me around mercilessly, like a lifeless body, from one place to another. Insomnia has taken over me again, & I'm slipping back into my CRAZY lifestyle. Literally crazy..I think I might have lost my mind a couple of days ago, or weeks..

Who takes a shower at 4AM? Sits online like an Internet NUT at 530AM and rants on their blog? A sane person? I think not. Gotta make a move in the afternoon to DXB; hopefully the lack of sleep won't show on my face when my parents see me.

Didn't I say I won't talk about ME anymore? Yeah, well...*frustrated sigh* I need this therapy. My thoughts are devouring what's left of my sanity. What has gotten into me? Since the past year or two, I've screwed up, become better, gone into relapse mode, been pulled out again several times...and I think I'm falling back again. A damn vicious circle, that's what it is.

Nail-biting is getting worse; even I'm starting to get sliiightly concerned now *high time, eh?*
BTW, I nearly busted my right knee & elbow..slipped on wet floor preeeettyy badly, considering I scraped my knee on SMOOTH, ceramic tiles? THAT'S a first! Didn't break any bones, just got bruised pretty badly. I was more concerned about my phone, LOL..but Al7amdulillah, it survived the fall. Only when Mom shouted at me *concerned, of course* I realized, OOOWWWW..I'm in PAIN!-.- I literally dragged myself over to check my poor phone out..not a single scratch, al7amdulillah!=D See? NOKIA KNOWS how to make phones that LAST LONG! *Unlike MOTO!*

Anyway, me being the 'white coats' hater' chose to let 'em both heal 'naturally'. Sajda was AGONY, though..but the thought of sitting on a chair/stool for Sajda was SCARY, so Al7amdulillah I continued 9alaah as normal *with winces and grimaces being the only addition* Now, my elbow's nearly healed completely *can't STRAIGHTEN my arm, but bendable! Knee is still giving me trouble, but I'm nearly used to the pain...so it's aaall good! I've got these NASTY bruises though, they look scary.

On a lighter note, family life *the SINGLE one* is great, Al7amdulillah. Everyone's oblivious to my 'other' side, because I only truly 'come out' at night *werewolves & vampires, anybody?* or when I'm left at my thoughts' mercy, all alone.

Exams, and I'm barely doing any studying..so I'm terrified. The thing is..will I come back alive? Who cares? As long as I die on لا إله إلا الله, everything is just fine and dandy!

OK, I think I should try and go to sleep now..because I can't think of anything even REMOTELY intelligent to say. Relentlessly 'working' my way on my fingers as I type..I think I might need a Shrink...or not.

Can't think straight, and it's KILLING me. Y'all please pray for me...beginning to lose hope, and grasp on life as a whole...

لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين