Goodbye Trust

Salam 3lykm

Who's the sweet reader who liked the last post? You put a smile on my face, lol! Thanx walla, shows I still have the ability to write 'okayishly'. This post will probably HORRIBLY prove me wrong, bs yalla..it's the thought that counts!xP Love you, 'Liker'!<3;d

OK, that was just random..I'm really HIGH right now! I anticipate a depression-FREE weekend, and I'm going to make sure it ROCKS Inshalla! I owe it to myself, and the poor people that have to tolerate my nonsense!

I'm abandoning technology. Sure, I abuse it, but in return, it totally screws me over. If anything, as long as I didn't know what the Internet was..I was a happy-go-lucky kid, wreaking of naivety and innocence. Now, I've become this paranoid, edgy individual who analyzes every word that comes out of others' mouths. 7sn e'6ann came easy, almost naturally..before. Now..I gotta remind myself..إن بعض الظن إثم..nearly all the time. If anyone says something nice or praises me, I think, what's your 'hidden agenda'? Seriously. Not good.

I can't imagine anyone liking me for ME. What's there in me to like, anyway?=S I've always had this, 'I-don't want-to-impose-myself-on-you' sort'a attitude. So, if someone comes up to me, I always think, as long as you want something done, you remember I'm alive. It's bad, I know..bs that's how it's always been. The only time someone would remember I exist, is when they'd want something from me. Otherwise, ehh..who's [insert Um 3eesa's name]?

So, forgive me *I really, truly, profusely apologize from the very depths of my scarred heart!* if you've genuinely tried to be nice to me and I've seemed like a total weirdo, but thanks to all the cheaters/backstabbers and betrayals I've faced, I've decided to 'step up the security'. Yep. I'm trusting NOBODY now. Literally nobody. People I considered really close to me, ALSO betrayed me. And now...goodbye Trust. I can't even trust anyone if they're religious now, because that image has been tainted by a scarring experience.

Note: My inability to trust anyone cuz of these lovely people who've left painful memories in my life does NOT mean that I hold a grudge against them. Thanks to them, I have learned things I wouldn't have EVER learned without their help. They literally helped me face different 'challenges' in life..so no regrets, Al7mdlla.

I just cannot trust ANYBODY blindly anymore.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh