Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Therapeutic Rant

Salam 3lykm

How are y'all doin' doing? Looks like someone out there hates seeing me happy, which would explain the roller-coaster ride of a life I have. Awel shay, work is going great, al7mdella. I'm actually lookin' forward to it...anything to get outta here..

As I write, my left arm is throbbin' crazily with pain, and so is my head. Let's just say...I got 'roughened' up...I feel nauseated, and extremely hopeless. I was fighting with parents about not going to Pakistan this July...but now I say to hell with it. Lemme go...hopefully I'll get shot or something...the worst case is I'll die. It's not like I have anyone who'll mourn my death, right? Right. The reason I didn't want to go is I don't want to get stranded there. I'm not scared of dying in one of the many bomb blasts that are rockin' that country...hell matter how big a munaf8a *hypocrite* I might be, I wish to die the death of a martyr *surprising, eh?* However, the thought of gettin' stranded in Pakistan makes me want to stab myself.

I should be studying right now, but I don't feel like doing anything. I feel so damn hopeless, it's not even funny anymore. What happened today is evidence that what I say holds no worth. I'd think that this whole 'roughening up' would have never happened, but no. I still got blamed. Lovely. Yes, I do realize that I hold no value - just a waste of space and precious oxygen. Would someone like to do the world a favor and suffocate me? 7asbyallah 3el yhood...*I find this more sophisticated than cussin' the life* No matter how many times I bang my head against the wall, it doesn't make the headache go away. I'm feeling so bloody nauseated...HATE it.

I keep thinking, maybe if I had let it get bloody, I wouldn't have had to hear the blame. Oh, and I was also asked to apologize. Apologize for WHAT, Allah yr'9a 3lykm?? Here's someone who's calling me worse than filth and trash; physically abusing me; and then claiming I'm the one who respects no one. Yes, I'm supposed to respect someone like that...if you're reading this, DREAM ON! Don't worry, I won't tell the world who you are. No, my friend...I beg to differ. My attitude isn't as half as bad as your stuck up one, and I don't go beating weaker people up just 'cuz I GOT THE POWER. You think it scares me? It just shows your true colors. You show the world you're some kind of tolerant, peace-loving creature, whereas you're really a tyrant.

I think I'll stop banging my head in the wall now; I might end up busting it open instead. I've tried 6 panadols on an empty stomach in one go, and nothing happened to me

....How many panadols come in one tab again?

Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

PS. I'm hanging from a VERY thin thread right now...forget straw. If this is what you call attention-seeking, so be it. I've done many irrational things before *deleting accounts, etc- it wouldn't hurt adding one more. DON'T TEMPT ME. If you don't like what's written here, I don't give a damn. This is MY domain, and NO ONE is going to tell ME what and what NOT to do here.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Feeling Better, W Lillaah el 7md

Salam 3lykm

Awelen, I'm sorry for scaring some of my Readers out there; w lat5afow...this blog will stay for a long, long time..'til I have a partner in life to share my thoughts, happiness, and grief with. =) *yeah, the future is lookin' pretty bleak, so I might be bloggin' here 10 years from now, too!-.-*

I want to thank all those who sent me emails, text messages, and called me up on reading this post. Walla mag9rtow..w Allah yjzeekm kil5ayr fdnya wel a5ira. Al7mdella, I'm feelin' a whole lot better now. I made a few spontaneous decisions in my life, and got rid of a few 'connections' *no, not GUYS -.-* For now, I've stopped worrying about the things people think and say - it hurts, bes yalla..ma3alaih. Give & Forgive

Have recieved two job offers while at internship xD Mom rejected 'em both, bes what she didn't know is I rejected them BEFORE she did! The 'big boss' told me off - she said I'm letting my qualifications go to 'waste'. Ay qualifications, Allah yr'9a 3laych...knowing 3 languages makes me 'qualified'? xD Bes the best thing is seeing their expressions when they find out I'm not Arab :P Bdait a9addeg 3mry 3aaad..LOL! Customers look at me like this O_o when I say I'm 'Kashmiri' - walla it's fun...the whole 'guessing game' :P

When I think about it..yeah, I probably am 'wasting' my qualifications, but I'm in no favor of slaving around for men in a corporation. Uh Uh, no way. I'm literally tallying off the days left like a prisoner in his cell. Five more weeks of this, and I'll be a free girl again!

Aiiight, I forgot what I was going to say cuz I have a 'time limit'...*bro's home -.-*

'Til next time xD

Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi t3ala w Barakateh