A Lifetime Mission

Salam 3lykm

A poem I wrote...describing what I would want my lifetime mission to be, in a nutshell. تقبل الله منا و منكم صالح الأعمال

I'll retrace deeply carved wounds
Piercing carefully through the scabs
Heart staining my fingers with blood
I'll retrieve the bitter memories I have

I'll do it all to see you smile again
I'll do it all so you don't cry alone
I'll do it all so I can share your pain
Don't pretend to have a heart of stone

Your silent tears I've not yet seen
Their escape betrayed by your words
Your happiness now lies demeaned
Lovers' delirium, you deem absurd

I'll penetrate deeper into my soul
Sharing dark secrets of past shame
I'll do it all with ONE irresistible goal
Inscribing on your bleeding heart..
Allah's Name.

Remember: Allah tests us with Blessings, and Blesses us with Tests.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Inflicted

Salam 3lykm

Sh7alkm? I know I said I'll stop asking this question, but that was before I knew I had so many wonderful yet silent readers. This is a thought that just came to mind as I was finishing up a poem I started last night:

"I am but an open book that people roughly flip through, not caring whether they rip or smudge a page as they do so."

This poem reduced my mother to tears...needless to say, it was smudged beyond recognition as I wrote it last night. I had to struggle to understand what I had written, so I could complete it today. Yes, I am unbelievably sensitive, so never believe when I tell you..I don't give a damn about what people say. Because the truth is..I do. I leave you with my latest, 'Inflicted'.

Your mockery; like a burning coal
I'm trying to ignore what you say
Charred flesh; down to my soul
I promise I'll walk away someday

You don't know I've been affected
I hardly think you would even care
Resentment, your words reflected
I wanted to dissipate into thin air

Acidic retorts yet burn my soul
I know not what I said or did wrong
My happiness you heartlessly stole
Made me feel like I never belonged

I thought you were different
I thought you would reciprocate
Seems like humanity now lies stagnant
Iron-fisted to give; Needily greedy to take

I dedicate this to all those who have successfully hurt me with their mockery, and who will continue to do so, especially after coming across this post. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me I'm still human, and susceptible to your sweet venom.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Farewell..'Til Further Notice

Salam 3lykm,

Here's something I wrote last night, after talking to Mommie-Dearest about 'life'.

A word of advice: Never tell your children they're engaged. Unless things have finalized, don't say a word to them. 'Specially not to your lil princesses. Because when their sky-high castles are torn down, so is your heart. Al7mdlla 3la kl 7aal.

I am single. I am in the prime years of my life, and I'm no longer waiting around for this charming Bu 3awas guy to sweep me off my feet like a broom. No. I'm through with that whole 'wife-in-waiting' phase. It's just too painful. Build high hopes, and eventually..I know they'll come crashing down. I'm no longer holding on to this fantasy; I'm taking the advice of several people I know, when I say, 'I'm letting go'.

What caused this change? Well, it's pointless. Why should I be this damsel in distress, waiting for her prince to come a-knockin'? I don't mean to be an airhead, but al7mdlla..I'm still desirable. Why should I tie myself down with an imaginary weight? That's what this whole fantasy is, really. Don't get me wrong..I still love Bu 3awas. And he'll know that when he comes around. But I'm pretty sure he isn't wallowing around in misery over me, so I'm done doing that!

I'm single, and until I sign an official legal document that states otherwise, I'm nothing but that. I'm still Um 3awas, but bear in mind..there really NEVER was a Bu 3awas. ;) Unless of course, you consider Imam At-Tirmidhi's Kniya. x'D

So..if you're out there 'Bu 3awas', good for you, mate. Your existence is totally insignificant to me, love..'til you sign the Legal Bond, & perhaps..put a dazzling rock on this finger. I sure as hell deserve it, for waiting this long.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh