Sunday, July 17, 2011

My Lovebugs

This post's dedicated to those who made me smile and grin when I least wanted to; those who stood by me when I knew not where to go, & those who made me see 'the greener side', when I was surrounded by darkness. My Lovebugs.

I left you all, not because I couldn't give a damn about how you felt after I walked away, but because I gave a damn about how I was ruining your timelines. My unhappiness was clearly reflected through the words I used, & instead of brightening up your timelines like you did mine, I was doing the very opposite.

This is my decision; once upon a time, I hated Twitter, yet you made me love the point where I was addicted to it. I tried breaks, which only failed. I tried leaving, which failed too. This time, I plan to make it work. I plan to make it work, because I know returning would be a fail.

I know some of you hate me for it, I know some of you couldn't care less; soon, you'll all be indifferent to my decision, and it'll be forgotten. I'm no deranged, attention-seeking drama queen, and it sucks to be thought of as one. I've always been a loner, and company's something I have never been able to handle. Isolation has always been my refuge.

I don't mind criticism, but I can't stand mockery, and I saw too much hurtful sarcasm being flung around. People say one shouldn't have to explain themselves, yet I'm an open book. For letting you down, I apologize..but I'm just being me. This is who I am; I shun people. I shun them, because they give you happiness & love, then snatch it back when you least expect it. And being a person, I know I probably do that, too. So, I shun people.

It's not a definite solution, and it definitely has its repercussions, but it has worked for now. As my Lovebugs, I only hope you'll understand where I'm coming at. I know you won't mock me, at least. If you want to contact me, there are many alternatives; Twitter was just one of them.

I love you all as my very own, which is probably why I never said 'goodbye'. And I'm not saying it now either, because the mere thought of it has my eyes welled up with tears. As dramatic as it may sound, I have faith our lives will cross paths again, and hopefully this time, I won't run away as an escape.

Rabbi ywaffgkm w ys3dkm dnya w a5irah..<3

Friday, July 15, 2011

Paranoia Kills

Salam 3lykm,

Yay, another post within days; my Blogger has miraculously come back to life!=D No, seriously..I just wanted to update my stalkers on my whereabouts. No, okay..all jokes aside, I just missed blogging.

I'm not writing any poems yet, nor am I writing deep, thought-provokingly poetic posts. I'm just nurturing this blog in hope that my thoughts will sort themselves out, before they're blog-bait. In other words, I'm resorting to blogging as therapy again.

Talking to people helps temporarily; you never know when they could use your thoughts against you. Through blogging, I suppose all these posts could be used against me, but at least I don't have to know what you think when you read my posts. Not commenting is working for me; keep it up. Honestly. I'm better off not knowing what you think of me.

This is my domain; I get to choose whether I want to be happy or sad, sane or deranged. Whatever I choose helps throw pent-up feelings out, where they can't cause my insides any damage. Right now, that's what I'm working on..'spring-cleaning my insides'.

If people really care, they do so without mocking you in your absence. They understand your stance, having been told how you feel. If they don't, then putting yourself out there as a mere source of their entertainment is just ridiculous.

Anyway, this part of the world is unbearably hot, so I'm thinking of taking a trip to where it's cold. The change would be good, and going off the grid for a while would be nice. Come to think of it, there's only one main source to all my problems:

The Internet.

If I were to shut down all accounts, nearly all my problems would go away. I'm currently testing this notion; I'm now saying no to social networking. Let's see how far that goes. Right, enough rambling for now,

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Monday, July 11, 2011

Realization Strikes

Salam 3lykm,

Sh7alkm, Readers? I've been 'speechless' for a while. I shouldn't have been; my bouts of madness should be chronicled, so I can read them later on and realize every bad phase comes to an end. I should have taken it out here, instead of Twitter, but apparently..Twitter did comatose the Blogger in me.

Throughout my entire life, I've always handed over a knife to people in need of self-defense; however, I've not even stepped away from them, and it's embedded snugly in my back. My strategy has always been disconnection. I pull away, tend to my wounds in solitude, & come back out again. As a result, my back's now a sieve.

I'm not a people person, I've never been a people person, & I doubt I'll ever be a people person. I was happy in my own little bubble, yet people weren't. They wanted me to mix with people of my own age; they found my isolation disturbing. I was happy. I was made to believe it would do me damage, but the point is I was happy.

I was happy, but failed to realize it.
Don't follow in my footsteps; they lead to dead-ends.
Here's to a fresh new start. Yet again.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh