Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Outcast

Salam 3alykm

...Aaand I'm back with a new poem. It was inspired by an incident that took place last week at uni. I've always been the odd one out for as long as I can remember - that's why I stuck 'hung out' in the library at school :P I ran outta books to read, because I had literally read everything there, and that was the 'geeky' part of my life.

Even when I became a 'rebel', I was STILL an odd-ball -.- Stood out like a sore thumb. Namely because I was surrounded by girls who only ever talked about cricket, or Bollywood >.< no one looks out for you like your own family <3 Love 'em to bits *no matter how annoyin' they can sometimes get..'specially the GUYS :P*

Enough said, the poem:

It's hard to live on when you know nobody cares
You can't forever be alone
When people pretend like you are not even there
And you pretend your heart's made of stone

You're made to feel like a failure
'Til you finally turn into an outcast
Hurtful judgements are made about your behavior
Mocking comments are passed

Standing on the sidelines, you watch as they fail
Then console them like you were never hurt
They come and give you the most minute details
Forgetting that you were once 'more worthless than dirt'

The fools talk about friendships that will last forever
Unaware of the bitterness you feel inside
It wouldn't take someone remarkably clever
To realize the stagnant water in the well has dried

This poem hardly makes any sense...but I like it...in a strange way. It expresses exactly how I feel when I now look at people who pretend to be my friends: disgusted.

A bitter post from a bitter me,

'Til next time..

Wes Salam 3alykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

PS. I'm not a bad friend, just one that's always been back-stabbed at every opportunity, and betrayed. *Shrugs* Not that I care.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

D3watkom

Salam 3lykm

Insomnia strikes again - has it got something to do with the month we're in right now? I don't know. Just like so many other questions that remain unanswered..

I'm kinda going down a spiral of doom - a constant inner battle of feelings is driving me closer to insanity, so please pray for me..

Jzakm Allah 5ayr,

Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

'Nostal-Chicka'

Salam 3lykm

No, this isn't a continuation of my last post..this is just something I want to share with you all*I don't clearly know WHY..* but yeah...it's a poem I'd love to hate, lol..

I was going through my poems saved on the PC, and I came across this. It's currently titled, 'Thank You, Bro', but if y'all can come up with a better one, that'll be great! (Y) Once again, don't be quick to judge...إن بعض الظن إثم. It's the very least I could do for someone through whom I finally came back to my Deen, wel7amdulillah.

It was my very first attempt at a direct dedication, and I don't think I ever wrote words like these ever again *the last few lines* This was written around the 10th of June, 2006. It was originally written in my old style of 'chewed up words', but I've converted it into 'proper English', because it now seems retarded, lol *Ibrahim, as always..you were right -.- lol :p*

Thank You, Bro

This is just a small way of thanking you

I really appreciate everything that you do

From pulling me back up wen I'm feeling really down

To bringing out a smile & wiping away the frown

Brother, you were always there for me when I needed support

You were always the one who gave me solace & comfort

You never silenced me even when I got hyper & crazy

You dealt wit me in a 'fab' way & oh-so-patiently

When I think of all that u have done

I'm left speechless & a little stunned

Because I don’t understand what I've done to deserve

All those lovely 'pressies' n them kind words

You were the one who stopped the endless flow of my tears

Every time I thought of the past few years

You never treated me harshly like others do

And for that also, I'm in debt to you

One day, I would love to give all that in return

And bring to you the joy you’ve rightfully earned

May Allah bless you with the happiness you bring in my life

In the form of a loving, caring, & righteous wife

May He shower His Mercy & Love on both of you

May He bestow the patience & endurance needed to go through

All the tests of life that you yet have to face

May both of you find bliss & harmony in that Wonderful Place

May the Gates of Jannah be spread wide open in your presence

May the sweet-smelling Musk become your eternal fragrance

Brother, for now there isn’t anything better I can think of to do

Other than include you in all my ad3iya, too

Once again, Jazakallah 5ayyr for all that you've said & done

May you gain the best & Eternal Reward from The Most Merciful One!

Allahumma Ameen...

I think I can safely blame the slight 'weirdness' of this post on Dunkin Donut's iced mint coffee; people, please...don't drink it. I sincerely advise you not to; it tastes horrible, & keeps sleep away. I had only slept for 3-4 hours, and I was falling asleep in class, writing 'notes' from God knows where *they had absolutely NOTHING to do with Macroeconomics*..I drank that *in anger & 'rebellion'*...there is nothing more horrible than it...even COUGH SYRUP tastes better!

As you can see, I make very little sense even now...

I was slightly hesitant to share this poem earlier, as I hadn't written anything like this for my own brothers. However, since they both have their own, highly personalized dedications now, I thought, 'it's safe, no jealousy' *Ha ha* :p

Take care, y'all,

Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

*PS. For those of you wondering what language the post's title is in--> Nostalgia + Chick*

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Poison of 'Love'

Salam 3lykm

Last night was tough on me, but al7amdulillah...life goes on, right? Thoughts just raced around one after another, and mind you...none of them were pleasant. Memories taunted me, triggered suicidal behavior, lol. Fortunately for ME, or unfortunately for those who hate me, I'm still alive.

Anyway, I appreciate the comment a reader left on my 3mra post - really made my day, bro/sis! fa Jzak/ch Allah kil 5ayr fdnya wel a5ira ^_^ I have decided to keep writing, and you should thank my Mom for that, lol...she said I was being selfish, and my niyyah was not right. She told me to think about the people who's lives I've managed to influence positively *al7amdulillah*, and that I should do this with e5la9.

It all started off as therapy, so I wasn't really doing it for anyone else but myself...but then, it somehow became this 'manual' for some people, and a 'novel' for others. I hope others are learning from my mistakes, and at the same time, ermm...getting free entertainment?:p lol..
so yeah, now I have this Niyyah that...I need to do this for the sake of Allah...but then I lose the aspect of 'therapy' in a way? As in, I can't pour raw feelings out here anymore, cuz as a friend put it, ' I feel like I've invaded your mind'...and that's not a very...ermm, nice thing? lol..I don't want y'all to be sittin' there analyzing my mind!O_O *it's not a very pleasant thing to analyze anyway, lol..*

I don't make much sense now, do I? Yeah, that's how my mind currently is...all jumbled up. Anyway, this was just something on the 'sidelines'. Today's post is actually focused on something that has befallen Ummat M7amad...read on, and I hope this benefits you, as much as it REALLY benefited me...as I wrote it! *Still don't make sense, do I?:p*

The Poison of 'Love'

When will I let go of these broken dreams?
When will I learn to face reality with a smile?
When will I learn people aren't actually how the seem?
They always show their true colors after a while

When will these memories stop taunting me?
When will it all fade away?
Will I ever be able to look at it indifferently?
Unfazed by the pain I've felt all these days

Will the tears ever cease to flow?
Can I dream of days when everything will be alright?
Or will it always feel like someone's wedged a poisoned arrow
In my heart, yet out of sight...

The poison's spreading oh-ever-so-slowly
Paralyzing life as it snakes around
Will this poison ever prove its fatality?
...Or is there an antidote that yet needs to be found?

This was written in Madinah on the 29th, in the morning after I woke up. It isn't that great, I know; I'm really losing my 'poetic touch'! However, I've sketched out a certain scenario, and here's where the therapy kicks in. As I wrote this, I had no idea it would lead me to a certain conclusion that has helped me stand up again after a really hard fall. Sb7analla, I could never thank Allah ENOUGH for making me realize what I'm about to share with you now.

The scenario is that of a girl who's been hurt, played, cheated by human wolves who made empty promises of a happily married life, based on trust and love. As she asks herself all these questions, she realizes she's been tricked by Shay6an, and equates it to being struck by a poisoned arrow. She realizes her heart is void of the essential vitamin of life: Love for ALLAH. Her heart is thus, diseased, and requires a 'quick fix' before it's too late. The antidote is Touba & Esti'3far, for straying away.
This poem is dedicated to all those brothers and sisters who fell trap to Shay6an's evil ways. He traps even those who try really hard to stay away from fwa7ish. He makes you think, "How else are you going to get married?", "Hey, it's OK to mess about; you'll probably end up marrying him/her anyway" , but the most DANGEROUS one of ALL: "You're doing this to save yourself from 7araam; as long as you stay away from physical stuff, it's OK"

It's NOT OK; no matter HOW harmless a platonic relationship might sound, you don't get GOOD out of something that's forbidden by Islam. It eventually leads to sexual references, and then things just go downhill from there. There was a reason why Islam prohibited intermingling of the sexes..and no, it wasn't because Islam is an oppressive religion.

Unfortunately, Ummat M7amad صلى الله عليه و سلم has been struck by something WORSE than plague - illicit relationships. This is partially our own doing; we tend to make what's 7araam, 7alaal...and vice versa. Elkuffaar mayg9roon 6b3n - they happily inject toxins via Cable TV, music, literature...you name it, and they probably use it to spread fitn w fwa7ish in the Muslim Ummah.

I direct these questions to the brothers who mess around with their Muslim sisters...

What do you gain out of it? Is it worth a Muslimah's modesty? Is it worth her SANITY? Is it worth tarnishing her reputation for the rest of her life? Is that momentary pleasure worth the damage of a lifetime?

If your answers are NO, then...your actions contradict your words, and if your answers are YES, then I ask you ONE more question:

Would you allow male strangers...no wait, forget them..your own FRIENDS, to derive the same pleasure from your female family members?

If your answer is YES, magder agool illa Allah y3eenhn - w you definitely need an MRI brain scan...but if it's NO, then how can YOU rob your sisters in ISLAM - a relationship that's stronger than a blood relationship! - of their INNOCENCE? How can you ruin their lives heartlessly, knowing they're someone's sister, daughter, or mother?

Lil2asaf eshadeed, some of our misguided brothers yft5roon eb the numbers of girls who have fallen for them, and they set up CHALLENGES amongst their friends, related to ensnaring specific girls. Are we talking about cold pieces of meat here, wela human beings with feelings and emotions? They talk about them like they are empty vessels, with which to satisfy their carnal desires.

No worries, what goes around, COMES AROUND. Someone, somewhere, has got his filthy sight on your women, ya e5wani fillah. W shratkm, ybahn to satisfy HIS desires. Tr'9oon wela ma tr'9oon, mool ma yhemmeh...

...Just like you don't give a damn when you talk dirty about someone else's women. Low matr'9oon, '39bn 3nkm, you will HAVE to see your female family member(s) SUFFER at the hands of these wolves...w there's NO ONE TO BLAME '3AYRKM.

Nsaitow enkm 5alg ALLAH?
Nsaitow ena ho 8ader 3ela kil shay?
Nsaitow...he's watching EVERTHING you do?
Nsaitow..ho y3lem 5wa6rkm, w 7atta elli ENTOW ma tdroon?
Those thoughts that haven't even occurred to you, YET...
MA T5AFOON?

You are inviting the Wrath of Allah upon yourselves, w ma tsh3roon. You - literally - are digging deep ditches for yourselves, out of which you might NEVER come out. All this...for the sake of what? Carnal desires? Are they even WORTH it?

Eta8ullaah..what might seem 'fun' right now, won't seem that way later. I promise you...

I'll end this post, but will pick up from here next time, as this is a pretty 'heavy' discussion. Once again, your comments are definitely valued, however; this place won't be closing down any time soon. A few people's demanding attitude really infuriated me at first, however; this is MY blog, and I do NOT write on demand. Allah ysame7km..w 6b3n I hold nothing against you all. I'd just appreciate if you would weigh your words before speaking. If you like it, al7amdulillah..and if you don't, al7amdulillah; as long as even ONE person gains benefit out of this blog...it stays.

Take care all,

Wes Salam 3lykm wa Ra7matullahi T3ala w barakateh

Unstable..Damaged BEYOND Repair

Salam 3lykm

Readers, please dont go on judging me by my words...I have enough problems to deal with..

I'm sittin' here, tears streamin' endlessly down my face, starin' at my wrists and wonderin'...what do I have to live for? Veins lookin' very prominent..only problem is..my blades have been confiscated..

Til' when am I going to be tormented by memories of what happened?