Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The End

Salam 3lykm,

Sh7aaalkm, Readers? No, this isn't about the end of my blog..not just yet, anyway! This poem's been inspired by a trial a sister I know is currently going through; may Allah make it easy for her, & bless her life with eternal bliss, for she truly deserves it..Ameen.

I was surprised to have written it within less than 10 minutes; I didn't know I still had that in me! I know you would probably expect happier posts, not to mention..mushier ones, but naah. I can't really put all that lovey-dovey stuff in words, without sounding err..jee-ay-why. x_x

I would like to request you all to pray for this sister's marriage..pray that the word 'divorce' stays out of the scenario, and they rekindle the love they once's a very saddening situation indeed.

Leaving you with, "The End":

Thoughts of you once made me smile
Now they just make my eyes well up with tears
Why did you only let it last for a while?
I'd wanted for it to last countless years

Now I feel depressingly hollow inside
Never thought you would put me through so much pain
It doesn't matter how hard I tried
Regret, bitterness, & sorrow is all there was to gain

In sickness and in health; for better or for worse
You just gave it all up in the blink of an eye
Our marriage turned from a blessing into a curse
And all you had to do to save it was just..TRY

Once again, I'd like to request you all to pray for this couple; The Damned is trying really hard to sever once blissful ties..Barak Allah feekm w Jzakm Allah 5ayr.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Sunday, November 20, 2011


Salam 3lykm

I only turn to this blog when I can't turn to anyone else; when I feel depressed, angry, or both. And helpless. Feeling all of those since the past few days. Overthinking's going to get the best of me someday! I try really hard to push away all negativity, but 'old habits die hard', innit?

I wrote up another poem, but this time I wrote it over three days..not because I'm losing my ability of turning my feelings into words, but the words I was coming up with kinda scared me. I don't want to be ungrateful for what I've been given..and I've been given more than I could ever imagine, let alone ask for..al7mdlla..

But I suppose I'm bitter for other reasons..namely the atmosphere at home, combined with being stuck here. Let's just marriage was a miracle, given life's circumstances. I don't know what it be quite honest..but I wrote this poem up, & again..I've written better. It's just all jumbled up; makes little sense to the reader, but holds a lot of raw feelings.

Just for the record, it's not Bu3awas. It's just..I don't know..overthinking? Honestly, my mind redefines the meaning of overthinking. Yet I still have to pinpoint where this bitterness is coming up from..I was fine 'til a week or so ago..

Leaving you with 'Bitter':

Am I supposed to tell you how I feel?
Do I tell you how I'm broken inside?
The smile on my face isn't real
It does well to mask the tears I've cried

I desire to break free from captivity
Run 'til my organs can take it no more
Winds assaulting tears viciously
Bitterness devouring me to the core

"Smile." I need a reason that holds
"Be strong." ..And you think I'm being weak?
"Live life." I'm fed up, truth be told
"Think positive." Practice what you f***ing preach

...Then again, it could be the destitute state my Iman currently is in, that has me feeling so..negative..

لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Slow Death

Salaaaaaam Allaaaahhhh 3lykm!

Did the title scare y'all? Instill some hope, perhaps?:p I'm not dying, not literally anyway! It's a slow virtual death..yep. Soon, when y'all google 'Um3eesa' or 'Um3awas', you might not find this blog anymore.

Before you reach out for my neck, lemme explain! Or try to, anyway..the brothers should be able to understand; y'all wouldn't like your wife to be 'reachable' online, right? Yeah, Bu3awas' stance is pretty valid, regardless of how many painstaking years it's taken to build this blog up.

I closed down all my social networking accounts as a result. I wouldn't like for suspicions to knock on the door, let alone enter our marriage. Once they enter, love walks out. So yeah, I'd rather be socially dead than be..wait for it..waaaiiiiit for it.."Forever Alone".:p

Yes, I miss sharing my nonsense online..& yes, I miss the friends I made along my...Internet Journey?=| ...but I have a lot more important, concrete aspects of life to anticipate now..& there's no way I can let those crumble.

I guess..this is where 'opportunity cost' comes in, innit? You win some, you lose some. All good things come to an end, innit? Except marriage. If you work for it. I want to hold on to Bu3awas; he's my 'citizenship' for Jannah.=$

Yeah okay, enough mushiness already!xD This was just a general update on life...just to show you I'm still alive. Fortunately or unfortunately.:P

'Til next time,

Essalam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh