Thursday, March 22, 2012

Off Again!

Salam 3lykm,

Quick update: headed for a fortnight's trip to KSA; my last 3mra with my parents, Inshalla.='$ Headed to G6r after that, for my cousin's mlcha, Inshalla.=D So, I'll be MIA for a while..but feel free to browse through this blog's dusty, depressive archives.x'D After that..who knows? I could be gearing up for a whirlwind wedding myself, or running away with Bu3awas.xP It all depends on what's written.;$

Please forgive this sinning soul, in case it returns to its Creator..& pray for its forgiveness.

Ws Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Forever & For Always

Salam 3lykm,

Sb7analla, just when you think you've hit rock-bottom, Allah turns everything around once again. Truly, one needs to fall time and time again, to thoroughly enjoy the thrill of every rise. Had I known the blissful end my week held, I wouldn't have been able to believe it at all. So incredibly surreal..! I leave you with something I started at Fajr today, but only finished it a lot later in the afternoon, because of a heart-stoppin' distraction.♥
I was wrong. SO very wrong. Blissful beyond belief. That's what my world turns into, when you step into it. You're better than any mood-enhancing drug in the market. The high you bring..makes all others fade in comparison.

The Damned can't stand us; he probably screams in anguish as we gaze lovingly at each other, and smile. It probably burns him to the core, everytime we exchange sweetly-sacred vows of eternal love. Yes, that's exactly why he sends countless of his minions our create rifts between us. Does he not know he will NEVER succeed, if the One who he's answerable to..does NOT WILL for it to happen?

He can slave day and night to break us apart; we'll slave day and night to make sure one of the most ABHORRED things to our Lord..NEVER happens.
رَبَّنَا ظَلَمۡنَآ أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمۡ تَغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَتَرۡحَمۡنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلۡخَـٰسِرِينَ

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Leave Me Be

Salam 3lykm,

I'm in a very dark and dreary place right now, not to mention, low. Yes, and I'd advise all the Dr. Phils and Oprah Winfreys of the East to stay clear from my path..just stay the hell away for your own damn good. I know patience reaps reward, and all that good stuff..but right now, leave me be. This is my domain; you like my therapy, you're welcome to stay. You don't..what the hell are you still doing on my blog??

Recently, my solution to all those who have been getting on my nerves is, well..shove 'em outta my life. I kid you not, I'm not taking nonsense from anyone. You take me as I am, and if you don't like what you don't see, then you're not livin' reality. I'm tired of everything around me; it's just come to a point where I'm beyond fed up of everything, if that's possible.

I reiterate, if there are any Dr Phils or Oprah Winfreys of the East in the house, keep your suggestions and advice where they belong: to your damn self. Let me revel in the darkness of this abyss, please.
I gave you my everything; I opened my heart up to you, and gave you a lot more than you deserved within what seems like a blink of an eye. I just wish that's how long the pain of not being on the receiving end, lasted.

Here I find myself hoping the 'Unpredictable' would occur; my heart would stop and my lungs would collapse..ceasing my breathing. Enough with all these goddamn uncertainties; even my supposed 'near future' is just one big, fat question mark.

Get over with it. I'm pretty much one helluva nuisance, anyway. You deserve appreciation and, too. Evidently, I've rarely offered you anything but endless headaches, nightmares, and - not to mention - confusion. Something tells would have been a wiser move on your part, to call in the quits.
PS. For the information of all those sick and twisted 'well-wishers' out there: no, I'm NOT in an unhappy marriage. If I was, you think I'd broadcast it to the world, and let you diseased b*****ds rejoice with satisfaction over my misery? Haha, dream ON.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Salam 3lykm,

..And yes, I wrote two separate pieces last night. After writing that depressive one, I felt better. So, I wrote something else. Something slightly more..I wouldn't say positive, really..but something that wasn't depressive. Let's just leave it at that. Of course, it's dedicated to my one & only: Bu3awas.♥
Everyday is a battle between my heart and mind. Everyday, I deem our union a blessing and a curse. Everyday, I bite back a shy smile, and choke back bitter tears. Everyday, I'm left with just a little more anticipation and regret. Everyday, I vow to do whatever it takes to make it up to you, and not to speak to you 'til you apologize. Everyday, I wake up and fall asleep to thoughts of you, endlessly wondering whether I'm living a dream, or a nightmare.

Everyday, I fall deeper in love with you, exponentially increasing my fear of losing you. Everyday, my impatience feels like taking control, bridging the agonizing distance that tears us apart. Everyday, I agonize over endless thoughts that send me headfirst into a dizzying future, only to shake my head in disbelief. Everyday, I feel like my dreams have empowered reality, only to be thrown off roughly..and unpredictably.

Every day spent without you, is a struggle to stay sane and alive.

Bearer of Pain

Salam 3lykm,

Just a little something I wrote last night; one of my usual 'dark and twisty' pieces; nothing to worry about. Not everything I write has a logical explanation behind it, and even if it does..if I don't mention it, please don't ask for it. If it isn't already stated, what makes you think I'll tell you afterwards?:'| Leaving you with, 'Bearer of Pain':
You and the rest of the world, are in oblivion of the pain I bear everyday. Once upon a time not very long ago, you were the sole source of my smiles, my happiness..the sparkle in my eyes.

Why did you have to take that away from me? What did I ever do to you, to deserve such cruelty? I only showered you with love and affection. Is that really such a heinous crime, that you felt it was worth the happiness..that made me glow from within?

I only wanted to fulfill my dream of a life filled with love, bliss, and harmony. Was that so bad? Couldn't you have played along, at least? Was it really necessary for you to callously toss my heart aside; a heart bearing wounds flesh-deep..?

Couldn't you have thrived on my high, instead of crushing it so heartlessly? There was enough for both of us..why did you take it all away? And if you really wanted to, why didn't you make sure you left my heart DEAD? Why leave it writhing with just enough feel the excruciating pain surge within?
Ws Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Woes of Silence

Salam 3lykm,

I'm in the most rotten of all moods today. I feel so disconnected, so incredibly antisocial..not the best thing for a Thursday afternoon, eh? Knocked off nearly 20 BBM contacts who will either be relieved or really, really pissed at me. Couldn't give a damn, really. Fed up beyond belief.

Dunno whether it's the atmosphere that's finally getting to me, or I'm just sick and tired of pasting a goofy grin of oblivion on my face. It could also be both, really. Oh-so-#$%^&*(-fed up. Anyway, I did my usual late-night scribbling yesterday; I'm not explaining any of my writings..take 'em as you will. I've just written this out as therapy, so right now..I'm just taking it as it's all between my blog & I. For now, you Readers fail to exist.
Silence. That's all I ever hear from you, & it kills me a little more on the inside everytime. Then, you leave me to dwell in it..probably hoping I'll get accustomed to it; instead, the opposite happens.

Disheartened. Don't get me wrong; I understand you have a life to live, & other commitments to fulfill. So do I. So does everyone else. Isn't that what life's all about? I've tried really hard to see things from your perspective..but I fail. Miserably. It just doesn't add up..or make sense. Not only to me, but really, just..everybody.

Tired. I'm so goddamn tired of waiting on sleepless nights, while you slip into a peaceful slumber. Do you not think for once that maybe..just 'insomnia' is deliberate?'s not even insomnia; I force it upon myself, senselessly hoping you'd 'chase' it away..? But sadly, you rarely do.
Judge, assume, mock..& once you're just about finished, do the world a favor & jump off a goddamn cliff. Thank you, in advance.

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Others

Salam 3lykm,

It's been a rough two weeks, taking over the household while my mom was her mother's side in Pakistan. My grannie returned to her Creator on the 1st of March, 2012. I believe I'm still very much in denial; my mind fails to acknowledge her demise, let alone comprehend it.

Apart from finally getting started on cooking, I've also made up my mind with regards to parenting. I'm staying outta the 'battlefield' for as long as possible; I'd like to stay 'youthful' for the first few years of my marriage, thank you very much. Parenting is what turns hair grey with worry, accompanied by prune-like skin, thanks to countless parenting woes. No sirreeee..I'd rather deal with being mistaken as a teenager, I kid you not!

Enough with that; I leave you with something I wrote before sleeping last night: "The Others"..
When all else fails, I like to find solace in solitude, lest Insanity finds me. It is only then do I realize, I am dependent on others in my pursuit of happiness..
  • Others who might shed a stray tear or two upon hearing of my demise, yet will eventually allow Time to erase all traces of me from their lives.
  • Others who will claim to love me, yet revel in glory every time they get a chance to put me down.
  • Others who will claim to hate my enemies whilst secretly fueling their fury, which will pose as the hellish lair in which I'll burn.
  • Others who will make promises lasting for eternity, only to seek subtle yet 'legit' ways to break them.
  • Others who will make me impatient with anticipation, only to take a dump on my expectations.
  • Others who will burn with agitation, 'til they see tears springing forth from my eyes.
  • Others who will set their lives aside, just to watch mine fall apart.

..And the list of these 'Others' is endless.

Why then, do I allow them the satisfaction of tampering with my happiness..? The answer is simple, really:

Merely to compensate for the happiness of those in whose eyes I'M one of the 'Others'.

لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين