Perfection

Salam 3lykm,

Here's something I wrote last night.. Evidently, I need a new way to begin my posts! I think it's now become pretty apparent that I tend to write at night, when everyone's asleep. The question is, does that mean I'll be off blogging after I move in with Bu3awas? Only time will tell. I leave you with, 'Perfection'..

The thought of losing him, has tears streaming down my face before I even realize the thought's resurfaced once again. I can't bear it for a fraction of a second, let alone a second. Yes, we were total strangers, fated to sign off our lives to each other, but I suppose somewhere after the whole process..I happened to fall head-over-heels in love. 

I became who I am, for him..I would lose myself completely, and wouldn't give a damn about being found. It's true..there are no means to measure how much love your heart contains for someone but get this: my heart fails to contain it..hiding it is absolutely impossible! With all his quirky flaws, he's just..the only one for me. 

 Without them, he'd be perfect..and hell, 'perfect' would be too good to be true. Perfection is not something I'd ever want to pursue; perfection's merely an illusion, created by those looking for the ultimate escape. Why would I ever want to find an escape..from Heaven?

Despite all the regret, pain, tears, frustration, and fears..I would NEVER want, NOR love another. 

Change

Salam 3lykm,

Ugh, down with what seems like the flu. Couldn't breathe properly last night, because my nose was blocked, & I can't sleep unless the covers are pulled up over my head..so I ended up writing again. You can tell my thoughts were all scrambled up, but guess what? Not only did I manage to fall asleep til 530AM, but I also found the piece quite therapeutic. Feeling very light-headed as I type, so let's get on with it, shall we?

As I stand before the mirror, I fail to recognize the girl staring back at me. People said I would change, but I vehemently denied it. Why would I let a total stranger change me?!

My husband changed me. Everyday, I let go of yet another piece of me, in exchange for his happiness. I'm not 'selfless' at all; in fact, I do it for myself, really. His happiness brightens up my life, and sculpts my Hereafter. Totally selfish. 

It can become quite a struggle, and I'll admit..I'm scared. Hell, I'm terrified of starting a new life together. I'm known to give in to denial, turn around, and shut the world out. I'm known to resort to the solace I find in isolation. But my worst fear is giving up. 

It's beautiful now, al7mdlla..absolutely befuddled by marriage at this stage. But..isn't everyone? It's just the beginning. Will I be able to make the same claim, a few years down the line? This is what terrifies me.

..Then again, my Creator knows what is best for me, and it's comforting to realize my marriage is a big leap of faith. It leaves me knowing my Sustainer won't leave me stranded..

Arranged or not, my marriage is meant to be. 

A Fateful Beginning

Salam 3lykm,

Yes, back with another one already. My mom always tells me off, because I tend to go in extremes; either I'm going to do something, or I'm just NOT going to do it.x'$ So now, I'm back in the 'blogging' phase again. Just a little something I wrote last night, reminiscing as I waited for his royal highness' attention.x$ I leave you with, "A Fateful Beginning".

Total strangers, yet they are now 'husband & wife'. Shyness looms, yet an empowering sense of curiosity forces their gazes to meet. And lock. If only for a few seconds..

Signed off their lives to one another. Willingly. With personalities yet to discover, they are now bound to each other, in poverty and wealth, illness and health..

'Forever Yours'

Love's Spectrum

Salam 3lykm, 

What up, Readers? Long time, eh? My mind's like a prune now, all shriveled up. People keep asking when I'm going to write a book; question is, when did I ever say I'm going to author an actual book?! Writing's therapy, don't getchur grannie pants in a twist! I ain't writin' no book; life's way too short, anyway. Need the time to settle down, and slip into the roles of a wife, daughter-in-law, and - not anytime soon, but - momma, too. 

So, I wrote something late last night..my usual 'moment of inspiration'. A lot of people have read it already, & so far, I didn't receive any criticism. In fact, I was told I should add it to my blog 'ASAP'. Blackberry needs to come up with a Blogger app, already. I blame my tardiness on Blackberry, really. [A sidenote: the Bold 9900 is a brilliant phone. The touch + keyboard functionality works wonders for those who like to type a lot, like me. The white one is worth the extra price, absolutely gorgeous. Palm-sized sophistication, I tell ya. Best thing is, you don't get any fingerprints on it, unlike the black one. Exquisite piece of art. Okay, I shuts up now..but I tell ya, it's bloody brilliant!x'D]

Right, so..I leave you with my latest yet, "Love's Spectrum".

Love can leave you with an ugly scar, yet it can also heal. Love can distort reality; change the way you feel. Love can be so fierce, not even the Devil would dare to meddle, yet it can be so weak, hearts may be deemed mere pedals. 

Love will change you, for the better or worse. It will blindfold you, entice you, and deliver a low blow when you least expect it. It may pose as a heavenly escape, or a hellish lair. It may be the soft, velvety rose of crimson, sheltered protectively by sepals..or the prickly thorns, that threaten to draw blood at every step. 

Love is a bottomless pit, and only Time decides whether it will turn into the Gardens of Eden, or a fiery abyss of Hell.

Distance

Salam 3lykm

You didn't really think I'd actually stop blogging while I'm on my vacation, did you? When have I ever done that?._. I'm currently in Rya'9 for the night, and as usual..in the need of some serious therapy. Thus, I turn to my trusty blog. It's honestly been the greatest life partner; call me a whack-job, but it is really the only one after Allah of course, that has been around for the worst downfalls in life. I rephrase, the best life partner.

Yes, now that we've established how insane I really am, let me leave you with my latest, 'Distance'. I wrote this late last night, when I was annoyingly sleepless in Madinah.

Distance is that leap taken, to bridge a widening gap..yet it is also the criminal, accountable for countless severed relationships.

It is that which is known to make hearts grow fonder, yet it is greatly renowned for also making them wander.

It is that which seldom helps put an end to a domestic spat, yet it is also the culprit that many a times triggers it.

It is a good samaritan, yet alas..it is also a notorious convict on death row, with a noose tightening around its neck.

Distance and negative thoughts are successful accomplices, that eventually erode their prey's senses, then finish 'em.