Thursday, November 26, 2009
I woke up today, feeling spiritually rejuvenated; I don't know if that's related to stayin' awake for more than 48 straight, and sleeping for 12 after that, or whether I'm finally beginning to get my priorities in life straightened out =)
So, as I sleepily rubbed my eyes, words started forming in my head again. A few minutes later, this poem was the outcome:
A word misused and abused
A word that has been demeaned
A word that has many confused
A word that has ruined many a dreams
A word that's the basis of a family
A word shared between soul-mates
A word that..in reality
Isn't merely the opposite of 'hate'
A word that I never want to hear
Unless it's under lawful terms
A word signifying bonds that are clear
Not illegal ones for which one might burn
A word that is oh-so-sacred
A Blessing from The One Above
Unfortunately, by His Creation's misuse...
This underestimated word is 'Love'
Some might point out the fact that I didn't include 'friends'; after all, you may love a friend, too. However, I don't believe in friends; as Muslims, we are all brothers and sisters in Islam, denoting a family. Sometimes, you might not really be so close to certain people - Muslims or not - I term those as 'acquaintances'. Others, you might really love - as you would your own sibling - thus...I term those with exactly the same label Islam uses: a sibling. It is the reason you would often hear me say: "I don't have friends." Instead, I have siblings in Islam whom I love for the sake of Allah, and acquaintances...some of which have contributed positively to my life, some negatively, and a very few that have not contributed at all.
With that, wishing you all a Blessed 3eed full of joy - 3eedkm Mbarak, w kil3aam wentow B5ayr =)
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Monday, November 23, 2009
I used to have this thought...marriage-related, of course. First, I used to think, I want my husband to be like this, have such an such qualities. Then I started looking around me, and I paused. Can I deprive a guy of the chance to marry one of these beauties? They're probably a million times better than me. Character-wise; looks were apparent. Then, after being grilled by many people on 'looks don't matter' and what-not, I thought, Ahem shay - Deen. I don't care if he's loaded; I don't give a damn if he looks like a 'Greek God'; I certainly couldn't care less if he was a prince, or came from an influential family...all that is temporary.
After a while, I realized...I want someone who won't be scared to fight for the sake of لا إله إلا الله - there's no way I'm marrying a whussie. If he can't fight, the least he can do is keep his mouth shut, and not criticize those who do. Unfortunately, very few of that category exist. I don't hide the fact that I support them - why the hell should I? Muslims have always been in fear of these pigs - that's why we're now bowing down to them in our own countries. To hell with them and their rulings. Fuel of Jahannam..unless they repent.
Anyway, then I said..Ah, Allah Knows what I'm like; 5ayr Inshalla. Notice my knya is Um 3eesa - Inshalla, low f n9eebi...I'm naming my first son 3eesa, who bi2ithnillah...will receive training. I have this intense desire of being زوجة مجاهد و أم الشهداء. Now, that narrows my selection down to..what? 0.1% chance of getting married?:P Lol, soo...gelt 5ayr Inshalla. I tend to think a lot, as you might have already noticed...I even wrote a poem about it - 'A Silent Murderer'. Sometimes nice thoughts, sometimes...dark ones. So, I was listening to one of my FAV nasheed - 6b3n related to what I'm in love with...and m3ena it's the MAIN line in the nasheed...it struck me a LOT later! xD 'Fil Jannah 7ooriyat' Gelt haiiih, akeeed! And that was the end of my dream of marrying a Mujahid, lol. Besides, if I won't marry ordinary guys for the fear of depriving them of someone much better, how the hell am I going to marry a Mujahid? I sure as hell don't deserve one!
Days, weeks, or months passed by *I really can't keep up with time* I'm not sure. Recently, or maybe not so recently, I heard the reason for 'not finding a guy' was because education doesn't match. I was staring at my mom, mouth agape - Of ALL things in life..EDUCATION? What the hell am I going to do with his education, fhmooni billah 3lykm? I understand the whole 'career' factor, but as long as he can land a decent job..hell, I couldn't care less if he only had a diploma! Besides, I have such a 'rich' educational background, it sickens me. You'd think I'm some sorta genius. Whatever. I might have a list of degrees in my hand, but that's only because my parents like keeping me busy - Allah yjzeehm kil5ayr. Here I'm thinking, As long as he prays five times a day in the Masjid REGULARLY, and fulfills his Fara2i'9, and follows the Sunnah - Noorun 3la Noor. Oh, and although I couldn't care less if he could get a role as Shrek, I AM picky about the 'beard' issue. 'No beard, you ain't cleared - walk yourself out the same door you came through.'
Elmuhem, after that shock..gelt yalla, كل نفس ذائقة الموت - I'll work extra hard, get me a ticket to Jannah...and become the 'mankoo7a' of a Mujahid there. Sb7analla, it occurred to me two or three days ago: What the hell am I in front of all those 7ooriyat?! La la, can't deprive them of those! Yalla ma3alaih, ermm...wait...O_O There's nothing beyond that! Smart wla smart? With all those degrees, it took me so many days to come to that conclusion :P I told a very dear sister this...and she says: 'Oh yes, certainly - you know what? You should have been an animal; they don't have any accountability. They'll be turned to dust, while the Kafir will look at them and wish HE was an animal. It would work for you, too. Or how about a plant?' -.- I was about to reply, but when I saw the angry look on her face..I decided against it. Guess what? This sister doesn't have any big, fancy shmancy degrees. Whilst I might have a bunch'a fancy Cambridge certificates, she has ONE, very simple - no fancy seal on it, or special embossed paper, mind you - MUFTIYA degree. Yep, education? No thank you. It certainly isn't a top-priority on my 'requirements', at least.
Then again, what are degrees? When it comes to Deen, they are merely papers like no other. A3maal...THOSE make up the ACTUAL degree. I'm studying Sharee3a; finishing this year. Do I consider myself a graduate? Hell no. I barely read the books! Handling a BBA Management degree on one side, and a Sharee3a degree on the other...my only regret is, I did better in Dnya this time. When I was at school, I excelled in Arabic and Islamic Studies - other subjects, I was an average student. Last year, a 3.67 GPA after a hellish semester with 6 major courses, and a passing grade in Deen. <- Awenh hathi elm6aw3a elli tgool hatha 7alaal w hatha 7araam, w ma3rf sho. 'Big talk, no Action' works in Dnya - hell, that's what it's usually BASED on. However, Deen? Never. No E5laa9, no Deen. First year, I was totally into it, even though I had a hellish time trying to cope with language difficulties. I had absolutely no problem with Arabic Al7mdulillah; Urdu was an entirely different story. Now? Language difficulty more or less smoothed out; the question is - am I into it? The answer, I shamefully have to admit..is no. I can't be - I'm expected to get a GPA of 3.5; 3 is 'acceptable', but 'not that great'. I'm barely in class - I have classes at university, and attendance is an issue there. So, where do I cut slack? Deen, lil2asaf esh shadeed! I tried setting university work aside; I came to the point where I just wanted to drop outta university, because I couldn't handle it. A3maal? Let's not go there.
This is why I don't care - education is still secondary. Deen comes right at the top, because E5laa8 follow. Usually, I've noticed in life - those people who lack Deen - for instance - the owner of this blog...lack E5laa8. Yeah - A Levels, AS Levels, and IGCSEs don't teach you that. Neither does a BBA Management degree. That basically teaches you to be a 3bd edinar wed dirham. Laaa, mashkooreen - la Harvard, wla Oxford, wla b6ee5. I'd settle for a diploma holder from any small institute in UAE instead, any day. As for the issues related to jobs and career, و الله يرزق من يشاء بغير حساب - Riz8 has already been decided, and whether the US government likes it or not, if a bearded, practicing Muslim - AKA terrorist, extremist, and fundamentalist in their terminology - is destined to have a six-figure salary - موتوا بغيظكم.
Similarly, لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا وسعها لها ما كسبت و عليها ما اكتسبت. Unfortunately, if you want to work in a well-known organization, their first requirement for the guys is meet Mr Gillette. People get fired for following the Sunnah - where? In a MUSLIM country - wel3iyaath billah. The time has come, when following the Sunnah will be as walking with a piece of burning coal held in your hand. What's more important, I ask those who give importance to job security over the Sunnah...being recognized by a society who really doesn't a give damn about you, unless you have the money to prove your status? Or is it being recognized by 5atem en Nabiyeen, el7beeb M7ammad صلى الله عليه و سلم on youm El Qiyameh as someone belonging to his Ummah, and receiving the eternal thirst-quenching drink from his Blessed hands at 7ou'9 el Kawthar?
I can give you examples of many young men who shaved their beards and attained no success, yet those who actually QUIT their jobs instead of complying with regulations, and doors of success were opened wide for them. Take the example of my friend's brother - he was in the army, and was ordered to shave his beard. He refused. Time and time again, they'd warn him - threaten him, but they never threw him out. Reason being he was someone with a very good character, and the m6awa3 of the group. He'd drop everything he would be doing and pray, taking everybody along with him. Eventually, they delivered their last warning, and stated that today's your last chance. He didn't even think twice; he walked out, and never looked back. Today, he still has his beard and within two weeks of that incident, he was working with the Shyoo5. You do something for the sake of Allah, and expect Allah won't reward you? If you're awarded by this unappreciative world for the pettiest of things, won't the King of kings reward you for doing something for His Pleasure? Come on.
Let me use a VERY simple example. We've all heard the formula about the lion and the lioness, right? It's old-school now. Lion - mane = Lioness therefore Man - beard = She-Male <- Ter'9oon? I don't think so - at least, I hope not! Here's another example I came up with not too long ago, with the discussion of tigers eating deers (You know who you are!:P) I mentioned, it's usually the lions that are associated with eating the deers. 'Tigers/lions same difference'.
Nope; lions = 'King of the Jungle', tigers? Sher Khan :P
Unfortunately, I've been told by older women: 'We'll see what your reaction is when you're actually in the situation.' May Allah never put someone in such a trying situation - I'm not certain that I will succeed in the test, specially knowing where my Iman level stands now. However, Allah is with His Slave, as His Slave expects Him to be. Keep your expectations right, and Allah will give you what you expect, Inshalla...and here, is where my solution fits in too :P Thus, I expect to live up to my knya Inshalla, as well as fulfill my intense desire of being...not only the wife of a Mujahid, but the Mother of Shuhadaa2, bi2ithnillaahhh!^_^
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
PS. This was actually written as 'therapy', and it really does work! So, my advice to any 'depressed' people out there - start blogging! Keeps me sane, and others entertained!:P <- 'Mutualism', FTW!
Yeah, and YET another poem! I don't know what's with me these days, lol! This one is really unique though - not like any other I've written. I was really exhausted today - came home, didn't eat anything 'til now..but I suppose the icecream I got from BK on the way should keep me alive, right?:P I literally flopped back on my bed after 9alah, and I think it was around 12am when I finally ended this poem! xD
It really took a surprising turn - I meant for it to be this highly descriptive piece, but it turned out even better...or so I think, anyway!:P I don't know why I'm feeling soO 'high' right now - it could be because of this poem, or because of a very nice/strange text I received...which is kinda freaky! Just to clarify, NO..it wasn't from a guy -.- It was from my 'sister from another mister'!:D
I thought of using this as a way to announce 'big news', bes Allahu A3lam WHEN that would happen, or even IF it would happen...and I can't let this sit in my phone all alone :P Enough of my happy rambling, lol - as always, comments appreciated!
Pools of honey
Framed by upturned drapes of silk
Hills small and rosy
Surrounded by a frozen body of milk
Protecting long-hardened snow
Beauty for which a man thanks
He who did Bestow...
Emeralds that sparkle
Rain-kissed locks that flow
Fiery cheekbones that startle
Milky complexion aglow
Beautified by a lush beard
Pearls of perspiration a-shine
Full lips...so clear
...As the ink stains paper
A contract's being signed
Solid evidence for later
Hearts & Souls legally intertwined
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Yeah, I'm being very 'productive' these days, aren't I? Lol, I'm back with a poem; a very special dedication to someone very close to me...someone I love so very crazily, it hurts :'( I wrote this as soon as I woke up - slept after Fajr, around 6ish...and yeah, I surprised myself by pulling my phone out from underneath my pillow, writing this as tears blurred my world, and dampened my hair. Once again, this is another one of those poems which has been written as the situations took place. Let me tell you from now, it's not that great..but considering I wrote it even before I was fully awake is a total 'WOW' factor :P Enough rambling...I leave you with my latest, 'Separation' =)
I lay very still, holding my breath
Tears streaming freely as I hear you leave
I let you think I've been taken by the Cousin of Death
So that in solitude, over your loss I may grieve
For I know that my eyes would shed tears
As soon as upon you they would set sight
Wishing I had control over what I hear
I stifle my impulses with all my might
I want to run up to you, and never let you out that door
I want to be able to tell you that you'd never have to go away
Yet I know I would only cry a whole lot more
Adding to your already-existent pain, so here I stay
Your heart-broken messages I read again
Wishing I had the power to bring about change
Realizing that we had only dreamt in vain
Of things that were way out of our range
Relationships that seemed meant-to-be
The way our families blended seemed so right
Little did we know the power of bitter enmity
Seeds of which were sowed within a fortnight
The ends of ropes once so strong
Severed with knives and frayed
Eventually, the ropes unraveled
Leading us to this very wretched day
I pray for your company in Everlasting Gardens
The cursed will never be able to cross their Gates
The kind for which in this world lies no comparison
And where from our beloved ones we'll never separate
This is dedicated to the who has been taken away from us once before, and it is happening yet again. It is dedicated to the one who holds my hands down when I bite my nails; the one who puts my head down when I joke around in class, simultaneously trying to stifle her laugh; the one who always makes me sit right next to her, and makes sure I sit on her right; the one whose anger I've always feared; the one who wipes my tears away with her hands when I cry out of hopelessness and frustration; the one whose smile is enough to wipe away all problems in life, as her happiness is mine; the one who has the craziest ways of waking me up in the morning; the one who ignores my protests of 'it stings/burns!', and applies Athmad in my eyes, because its Sunna; the one who has always shared my taste in perfumes; the one with whom I spent the last ten days of Rama'9an, and celebrated 3eed in Madinah; and the one who would hold my hand ever-so-tightly, fearing separation as we did 6awaf this Rama'9an.
This is dedicated to my teacher of three years in 7deeth and Fi8h; my 'Best Friend Forever'; and my loving 'Sister From Another Mister':
'Why doesn't a missile fall on the damn thing already, and turn it to rubble?'
I request you to pray for her safe and immediate return...:'(
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Here's what I wrote now, to release myself from a dangerous phase of depression: self-harm. Mind you, I don't cut myself...at least not with blades. Not anymore...only did it the time I tried to slit my wrists, and that was a one-time thing. I nail-bite though, including the skin..and if restricted, I tend to pull at the skin with my fingers - psychotic, much? I usually do it when stressed out, and it's involuntary...the result being my fingers are all injured, and they look messed up. Lookin' for a cure...Inshalla 5ayr. It IS the longest poem I've ever written - even beats 'My Soul's Demise'. And...it's based on a true story: MY story =)
She stares lifelessly at the sullen face
Pulling back her once glossy hair
She wonders what lead her to this place
This haven of hopelessness and despair
She looks at her blood-stained fingers
Her teeth biting into her quivering lips
Tears flow endlessly as her gaze lingers
On the blade she holds in her grip
She trembles as shivers run up her spine
Aware of cold metal pressed against her skin
Images of their beautiful smiles cloud her mind
As she feels her heated blood pulsating within
She remembers how they smiled hypocritically in her face
She remembers how many blatantly lied, claiming they care
She realizes then, with mockery their words were laced
And that hatred burned behind their glassy stares
She would speak, but her voice was left unheard
She would protest, but they merely turned away
Sometimes, she would stand there bewildered
Eventually, in isolation she’d spend her days
One day, she came across a shimmering mask
Lying abandoned in a corner and unused
Little did she know in its glory she’d bask
Forgetting how badly she’d been bruised
Seeing they had something in common
She placed it on her tear-stained face
Not knowing about the fatal attraction
That would first bring her temporary solace
Praise from the hypocrites shortly followed
Their glassy stares replaced by pitiful confusion
Soon, forgotten were all of her deepest sorrows
As she transformed into a magnificent illusion
Popularity rose, soon to fall back down again
As the now ill-fitting mask began to lose its shine
Every once in a while, she’d feel the familiar pain
When people began to see beyond the ‘flashy design’
Unfortunately, the consequences were unforeseen
As the world proceeded onwards, she was left far behind
The mask’s shimmer was more dangerous than it seemed
Light would constantly bounce off it, eventually making her blind
The mask - she complained - had become one of several bothers
…or so she thought, ‘til its absence forced her back into isolation
But now she was left crippled and entirely dependent on others
What she’d withstood before, would surely lead to her termination
Helpless and afraid, she’d spend her nights crying until dawn
Praying for a visit from the Angel of Death, or a miraculous cure
One day she awoke to discover that the blindness had gone
And so had all the suffering she had for long endured
Alas, her cursed happiness lasted only a few days
Their taunting and mockery more poisonous than before
The memories of harsh games that were played
Send her sliding down to the floor
Her life as a loner will only end at its appointed time
A time no one can ever speed up or delay
Taking her life is a heinous crime
One for which she will undoubtedly have to pay
She lets go of the blade, wincing as her hands burn
Her salty tears stinging raw and open wounds
On healing, every scar will signify a lesson learned
The scab like sepals that fall off when a rose blooms
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi Ta'ala w Barakateh
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi Ta'ala w Barakateh
Friday, November 20, 2009
1. Anonymous readers can now let me know what they think of the post, while maintaining their anonymity. I would greatly appreciate it if my beloved readers could give me feedback with a mere click of a button ^_^
2. A poll that will close after my 'double graduation' this summer Inshalla! Depending solely on your votes, I will decide whether this blog needs a full-blown makeover or not...and because that will take a substantial amount of time, I chose to do it after my life 'ends'...since my life literally revolves around STUDYING right now! xD
Jzakm Allah 5ayr!
It's been a while since I shared my 'wisdom worth bein' engraved in platinum' *gold is old-school, besides it's way cheaper, too.* I present to you the shortest post on this blog 'til today...collect each word as it forms on the screen as quickly and as greedily as you'd gather big chunks of polished diamonds, if they rained down on you one day from the sky:
When they say, 'After every dark stormy night, a beautiful rainbow forms across clear blue skies', I believe it. Why? Because, you can spend one sleepless night drenched in your own tears, and wake up the next morning smilin'.. regardless of how shitty life may be. It's called 'The Balance of Life'. Or..in other cases, 'Mental Retardation'.Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The title of this post describes what some people might think I am, or even claim I am, and here's where I'm going to give you a piece of my mind. Some of them have the right to think so, and some of them were just after a 'challenge' that 'slipped beneath their grasp', w lillaah el7md.
Maybe I was given a taste of my own bitter medicine, which drove me psychotic for about 3 years. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe it was just a way I'd learn a certain lesson, and Al7mdulillah for that, as it was a VERY important lesson indeed. Anyway, my point being that I got involved in things I wasn't supposed to...and
See, the thing is...I've lost all sense of emotional attachment ever since...hmm, learning my 3-year lesson. My heart beats to keep me alive 'til my time - period. It doesn't beat for anyone; it doesn't have any 'special soft spots' for anyone; yada yada yada..on with the regular mushy stuff. THAT 'me' has ceased to exist. She was buried way back in the end of 2006. The only problem is...that I myself didn't know 'til I figured it out a few weeks ago.
I could understand I'm heartless *figuratively* for a reason, but it all fell into place recently. I'm not someone you would be keen on building a relationship with, certainly not before marriage. I'm not someone you could coax into a relationship, by waving the marriage card around in my face. Give it to me in writing, I will STILL not believe you. Of course, if you show up with your parents at my doorstep, it would be more than enough to prove your sincerity. That is, IF you have the guts to do that...because out of the countless *YES, COUNTLESS!* idiots that promised me marriage *during what I call 'My Ayyam elJahiliyyah'*, not even ONE showed up...and trust me, I KNEW it was all BS, Al7mdulillah...which is what lead me to 'break' their hearts..
As for those who can accuse me of such a thing, Wallahu A3lam what your intentions were - I'd like to think they were pure - I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for 'stringing you along' 3la golat-hm. However, you can't expect something good out of what is wrong, let alone Islamically wrong. Makes you realize why Allah has forbidden intermingling of the sexes, but even after all the unnecessary heartache that people go through because of crossing the limits, they still question 'why'. I'm not going to give a m7a'9ra here right now - I was a misguided missile myself, and unfortunately, I lead to your 'destruction'.
May Allah Forgive us all & Protect us from the evil traps of Shay6an - Ameen.
PS. The best way of staying outta trouble is avoiding everything that leads to it, thus...staying away from the members of the opposite sex is the BEST way of avoiding Shay6an's traps. Marriage is the ONLY 7alaal way...and the Internet has REALLY proven to be a 'net'...SHAY6AN's net...& I've experienced it myself, 'Da3wah' purposes are the FIRST trap. Let the brothers handle the brothers, and sisters handle the sisters if 'Da3wah' really IS the purpose. Inshalla Ajr will not be lost...
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh