Friday, November 20, 2009

The Loner

Salam 3lykm

Here's what I wrote now, to release myself from a dangerous phase of depression: self-harm. Mind you, I don't cut myself...at least not with blades. Not anymore...only did it the time I tried to slit my wrists, and that was a one-time thing. I nail-bite though, including the skin..and if restricted, I tend to pull at the skin with my fingers - psychotic, much? I usually do it when stressed out, and it's involuntary...the result being my fingers are all injured, and they look messed up. Lookin' for a cure...Inshalla 5ayr. It IS the longest poem I've ever written - even beats 'My Soul's Demise'. And...it's based on a true story: MY story =)

The Loner

She stares lifelessly at the sullen face

Pulling back her once glossy hair

She wonders what lead her to this place

This haven of hopelessness and despair


She looks at her blood-stained fingers

Her teeth biting into her quivering lips

Tears flow endlessly as her gaze lingers

On the blade she holds in her grip


She trembles as shivers run up her spine

Aware of cold metal pressed against her skin

Images of their beautiful smiles cloud her mind

As she feels her heated blood pulsating within


She remembers how they smiled hypocritically in her face
She remembers how many blatantly lied, claiming they care
She realizes then, with mockery their words were laced
And that hatred burned behind their glassy stares


She would speak, but her voice was left unheard

She would protest, but they merely turned away

Sometimes, she would stand there bewildered

Eventually, in isolation she’d spend her days


One day, she came across a shimmering mask

Lying abandoned in a corner and unused

Little did she know in its glory she’d bask

Forgetting how badly she’d been bruised


Seeing they had something in common

She placed it on her tear-stained face

Not knowing about the fatal attraction

That would first bring her temporary solace


Praise from the hypocrites shortly followed

Their glassy stares replaced by pitiful confusion

Soon, forgotten were all of her deepest sorrows

As she transformed into a magnificent illusion


Popularity rose, soon to fall back down again

As the now ill-fitting mask began to lose its shine

Every once in a while, she’d feel the familiar pain

When people began to see beyond the ‘flashy design’


Unfortunately, the consequences were unforeseen

As the world proceeded onwards, she was left far behind

The mask’s shimmer was more dangerous than it seemed

Light would constantly bounce off it, eventually making her blind


The mask - she complained - had become one of several bothers

…or so she thought, ‘til its absence forced her back into isolation

But now she was left crippled and entirely dependent on others

What she’d withstood before, would surely lead to her termination


Helpless and afraid, she’d spend her nights crying until dawn

Praying for a visit from the Angel of Death, or a miraculous cure

One day she awoke to discover that the blindness had gone

And so had all the suffering she had for long endured


Alas, her cursed happiness lasted only a few days

Their taunting and mockery more poisonous than before

The memories of harsh games that were played

Send her sliding down to the floor


Her life as a loner will only end at its appointed time

A time no one can ever speed up or delay

Taking her life is a heinous crime

One for which she will undoubtedly have to pay


She lets go of the blade, wincing as her hands burn

Her salty tears stinging raw and open wounds

On healing, every scar will signify a lesson learned

The scab like sepals that fall off when a rose blooms


Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi Ta'ala w Barakateh


9 comments:

Bu Thyab said...

that was a hell of a poem, just amazing, *speechless*

very brave indeed, mentioning some matters; if i was in ur place i donno if i would have the guts to write such a poem. tabarak Allah!!

one other thing, i was amazed at how you could write this LONG LONG poem. My poems tend to have 3 stanzas, maybe longer or shorter, and the reason would either be that I am afraid that I might ruin the poem if i went further or that I have accomplished wat i wanted from the poem!

but, a great poem, indeed!!

Anonymous said...

thanx walla..

I just wrote it right now - took me abt 2-3 hrs, if not more..different types of interruptions kept disturbing my chain of thoughts..

the only way i can get feelings outta my system is through writing a POEM - even posts don't help as much as poems do. i think it has more to do with the fact that i get engrossed in makin' it coherent, gettin' that 'flow'..i leave my worries behind..=)

yeah, it's VERY long..i covered my life from age 13-now..fa it had to be..lol..

thanx walla, your comment means a lot to me - cheered me up =)

Anonymous said...

Agool..it occurred to me later on that you probably perceived the 'mask' to be hypocrisy, or bein' two-faced..rest assured - it isn't..

I'll give you a hint - the 'mask' was donned...when I first found 'Talkish' =)..

BUT..*'Hypocrites' does NOT signify Talkishers!*

Bu Thyab said...

the 'mask' is your changed self, i.e. when u changed ur personality changed with you; but this change bothered you "or so she thought, 'til its absence forced her back into isolation", which means that u returned back to being the same person before the change.

Anonymous said...

Nope!:P

Bu Thyab said...

fine :P

Anonymous said...

It signifies the PC - namely, the Internet. =)

Bu Thyab said...

oh wow, yeah, why haven't i thought of that, that is truly creativity!!

yep, it makes a lot of sense! it fits perfectly, WELL DONE!!

Anonymous said...

thanx..=$
I thought the clue would give it out instantly!

btw, let's see if you can analyze my latest - it might look like gibberish to the rest! xD