Friday, September 25, 2009

Inconsolable

Salam 3lykm

Here's something I wrote at about 130AM today..these were my raw, unedited thoughts, so they will seem jumbled up and repeated. All in the name of therapy.

How do you comfort your heart and tell it 'Everything will be okay', when things have been shitty for the past few years? Can you keep lying to yourself, and remain hidden under the protective covers you've tried to take shelter underneath? Will fake consolation do the trick, or will your heart figure out one day, that everything was just one big lie? How can you lie to yourself and get away with it? Sometimes, it's hard to comfort the heart, because the mind knows exactly what's going on...and it rebels against falsehood. When it overrides the heart, it usually results in a battle where you're left damaged; torn between your heart and mind.

Sometimes you just want to give up everything you're doing, and wait patiently for death with your arms open wide in embrace, but people around you won't let you do that. At times, the mere action of breathing hurts so much, and you just wish there was a cord to life which you could pull. No one understands; some call you crazy, others get unnecessarily worried, and a few just wouldn't give a damn even if you jumped off a building.

No one can see just how eroded your insides are. You're like a raw wound covered with a pretty bandage; no one can see the ugly brutality hidden underneath. No medicine has affected you for years; pain killers comfort you temporarily, but the wound still remains as raw as ever.

Sometimes, it hurts so much - like someone is trying to extend the wound with a blunt object dipped in acid. You've cried so much that your eyes now remain dry; your heart has bled dry; your soul alive on life support...waiting impatiently for its time.

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mbarkn 3eedkm! *Belated!*

Salam Allah 3lykm!

Hope y'all had a blast during 3eed - I celebrated mine to the MAX, in Madinat Er Rasool صلى الله عليه و سلم!=D Nothing could get better than this Rama'9an; I spent it with the people I love the MOST, and who I pray day and night, will soon become family, Inshalla.

Al7mdella I was in KSA from the 14th of Rama'9an - last 10 days were spent in Madinah. Surprisingly, this time the proposals were in full swing - marriage and WORK, too! xD E3temerna twice, bi fa'9lillaah - the 2nd time was HAAAARD, I must admit - daytime + while fasting! but it was SO TOTALLY worth it!=D

No, I didn't come back hitched as Mom had hoped I would :P but I certainly did come back a whole lot more happier than I went, and that's ALL that really matters!=D I was also teased a whole lot by everyone there because of the proposals; my aunt said I shouldn't remove my N8ab in the women's section either, because females are lookin' out for matches for their males!xD She's forgotten her daughters' beauty -both outter AND inner - exceeds mine!

I have a LOT of stories from the trip, but unfortunately..I'm not much of a blogger anymore..:P so this short update will have to do...for now! My sleeping pattern has flipped oh so very much that you'd think I've just come back from the States, not KSA:P

Ed3ooly please, I'm going to Pakistan shortly for exams, and I've already taken 2 weeks off uni for this 3mra trip...but like I always say: TOTALLY worth it!=D Uni starts Saturday...and YES..they've taken my weekend and screwed life up for me, yet ONCE again..bes ma3alaih..just two more semesters til I walk outta uni doors with a degree to show for my hard work!=D

As for poems...ya never know, this 'nocturnalness' might inspire me!;P

Until next time,

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh!