A 'Heart-Breaker'?

Salam 3lykm

The title of this post describes what some people might think I am, or even claim I am, and here's where I'm going to give you a piece of my mind. Some of them have the right to think so, and some of them were just after a 'challenge' that 'slipped beneath their grasp', w lillaah el7md.

Maybe I was given a taste of my own bitter medicine, which drove me psychotic for about 3 years. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe it was just a way I'd learn a certain lesson, and Al7mdulillah for that, as it was a VERY important lesson indeed. Anyway, my point being that I got involved in things I wasn't supposed to...and I suppose it was my fault.

See, the thing is...I've lost all sense of emotional attachment ever since...hmm, learning my 3-year lesson. My heart beats to keep me alive 'til my time - period. It doesn't beat for anyone; it doesn't have any 'special soft spots' for anyone; yada yada yada..on with the regular mushy stuff. THAT 'me' has ceased to exist. She was buried way back in the end of 2006. The only problem is...that I myself didn't know 'til I figured it out a few weeks ago.

I could understand I'm heartless *figuratively* for a reason, but it all fell into place recently. I'm not someone you would be keen on building a relationship with, certainly not before marriage. I'm not someone you could coax into a relationship, by waving the marriage card around in my face. Give it to me in writing, I will STILL not believe you. Of course, if you show up with your parents at my doorstep, it would be more than enough to prove your sincerity. That is, IF you have the guts to do that...because out of the countless *YES, COUNTLESS!* idiots that promised me marriage *during what I call 'My Ayyam elJahiliyyah'*, not even ONE showed up...and trust me, I KNEW it was all BS, Al7mdulillah...which is what lead me to 'break' their hearts..& I'm not scared of doing it again. So, the actual conclusion is...I didn't 'break' their hearts - they were just being sickeningly over-dramatic; I merely bruised their egos.

As for those who can accuse me of such a thing, Wallahu A3lam what your intentions were - I'd like to think they were pure - I would like to extend my sincerest apologies for 'stringing you along' 3la golat-hm. However, you can't expect something good out of what is wrong, let alone Islamically wrong. Makes you realize why Allah has forbidden intermingling of the sexes, but even after all the unnecessary heartache that people go through because of crossing the limits, they still question 'why'. I'm not going to give a m7a'9ra here right now - I was a misguided missile myself, and unfortunately, I lead to your 'destruction'.

ربنا ظلمنا أنفسنا و إن لم تغفر لنا و ترحمنا لنكونن من الخاسرين

May Allah Forgive us all & Protect us from the evil traps of Shay6an - Ameen.

PS. The best way of staying outta trouble is avoiding everything that leads to it, thus...staying away from the members of the opposite sex is the BEST way of avoiding Shay6an's traps. Marriage is the ONLY 7alaal way...and the Internet has REALLY proven to be a 'net'...SHAY6AN's net...& I've experienced it myself, 'Da3wah' purposes are the FIRST trap. Let the brothers handle the brothers, and sisters handle the sisters if 'Da3wah' really IS the purpose. Inshalla Ajr will not be lost...

Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh