Bitter

Salam 3lykm

I only turn to this blog when I can't turn to anyone else; when I feel depressed, angry, or both. And helpless. Feeling all of those since the past few days. Overthinking's going to get the best of me someday! I try really hard to push away all negativity, but 'old habits die hard', innit?

I wrote up another poem, but this time I wrote it over three days..not because I'm losing my ability of turning my feelings into words, but the words I was coming up with kinda scared me. I don't want to be ungrateful for what I've been given..and I've been given more than I could ever imagine, let alone ask for..al7mdlla..

But I suppose I'm bitter for other reasons..namely the atmosphere at home, combined with being stuck here. Let's just say..my marriage was a miracle, given life's circumstances. I don't know what it is..to be quite honest..but I wrote this poem up, & again..I've written better. It's just all jumbled up; makes little sense to the reader, but holds a lot of raw feelings.

Just for the record, it's not Bu3awas. It's just..I don't know..overthinking? Honestly, my mind redefines the meaning of overthinking. Yet I still have to pinpoint where this bitterness is coming up from..I was fine 'til a week or so ago..

Leaving you with 'Bitter':

Am I supposed to tell you how I feel?

Do I tell you how I'm broken inside?

The smile on my face isn't real

It does well to mask the tears I've cried

I desire to break free from captivity

Run 'til my organs can take it no more

Winds assaulting tears viciously

Bitterness devouring me to the core

"Smile." I need a reason that holds

"Be strong." ..And you think I'm being weak?

"Live life." I'm fed up, truth be told

"Think positive." Practice what you f***ing preach

...Then again, it could be the destitute state my Iman currently is in, that has me feeling so..negative..

لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين