Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Disturbed

Salam 3alykm

Hope y'all are doing OK, Inshalla. *See? I ain't selfish..I care about my readers!(A)*

Y'all aren't praying enough for Um3eesa, ha? I feel like a 'hydrophobiac', thrown into an angry ocean, waves tossing me around mercilessly, like a lifeless body, from one place to another. Insomnia has taken over me again, & I'm slipping back into my CRAZY lifestyle. Literally crazy..I think I might have lost my mind a couple of days ago, or weeks..

Who takes a shower at 4AM? Sits online like an Internet NUT at 530AM and rants on their blog? A sane person? I think not. Gotta make a move in the afternoon to DXB; hopefully the lack of sleep won't show on my face when my parents see me.

Didn't I say I won't talk about ME anymore? Yeah, well...*frustrated sigh* I need this therapy. My thoughts are devouring what's left of my sanity. What has gotten into me? Since the past year or two, I've screwed up, become better, gone into relapse mode, been pulled out again several times...and I think I'm falling back again. A damn vicious circle, that's what it is.

Nail-biting is getting worse; even I'm starting to get sliiightly concerned now *high time, eh?*
BTW, I nearly busted my right knee & elbow..slipped on wet floor preeeettyy badly, considering I scraped my knee on SMOOTH, ceramic tiles? THAT'S a first! Didn't break any bones, just got bruised pretty badly. I was more concerned about my phone, LOL..but Al7amdulillah, it survived the fall. Only when Mom shouted at me *concerned, of course* I realized, OOOWWWW..I'm in PAIN!-.- I literally dragged myself over to check my poor phone out..not a single scratch, al7amdulillah!=D See? NOKIA KNOWS how to make phones that LAST LONG! *Unlike MOTO!*

Anyway, me being the 'white coats' hater' chose to let 'em both heal 'naturally'. Sajda was AGONY, though..but the thought of sitting on a chair/stool for Sajda was SCARY, so Al7amdulillah I continued 9alaah as normal *with winces and grimaces being the only addition* Now, my elbow's nearly healed completely *can't STRAIGHTEN my arm, but bendable! Knee is still giving me trouble, but I'm nearly used to the pain...so it's aaall good! I've got these NASTY bruises though, they look scary.

On a lighter note, family life *the SINGLE one* is great, Al7amdulillah. Everyone's oblivious to my 'other' side, because I only truly 'come out' at night *werewolves & vampires, anybody?* or when I'm left at my thoughts' mercy, all alone.

Exams, and I'm barely doing any studying..so I'm terrified. The thing is..will I come back alive? Who cares? As long as I die on لا إله إلا الله, everything is just fine and dandy!

OK, I think I should try and go to sleep now..because I can't think of anything even REMOTELY intelligent to say. Relentlessly 'working' my way on my fingers as I type..I think I might need a Shrink...or not.

Can't think straight, and it's KILLING me. Y'all please pray for me...beginning to lose hope, and grasp on life as a whole...

لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين

2 comments:

the crazy jogger said...

aw sorry to hear tht..
hold up. what was ur phone doin there at 4 A M ?

yay! i dont trust them white coats either. they could'nt fix my leg pain for 5weeks
well, inshallah u'll get mro 3jr in tht..
inshallah.. willpray

Anonymous said...

lol, what's the connection btwn my fone & 4am?:S O_O
I fell a week ago!

How's your leg now? Nice way of lookin' at it...you're a pretty fast learner, eh?;p

Jazak Allah 5ayr ^_^