Salam 3lykm
Sh7alkm Readers? Yes, I'm back to bloggin' now..for today. I'm feeling annoyed right now, madry laysh. Happy endings make me sick. They don't even EXIST in reality, so why the hell bother with 'em? If you haven't already guessed, aba at7r6am w a6alle3 elli ef 5a6ry, lol.
I don't like stories anymore; they all have boring, predictable happy endings. Once upon a time, when I used to live in a bubble of my own, where everything was all about 'rainbows and butterflies' *not literally!*...I didn't seem to notice them...and it was all good. However, after I stepped into the real world, and was made to faced Bsing, backstabbing, cheating, lying, hypocritical creatures...I realized, and in VERY BLUNT terms: this world is NOTHING but gold-plated SHIT.
See, in REALITY...things START all happy, and then end in heart-breaks...THAT'S the real deal. Mind you, I ain't talkin' about lovey-dovey relationships and what-not. Hell no, that's just BS altogether = hogwash = DOESN'T EXIST. What I'm tryn'a say here is..why the hell do people keep frontin'?
Truth be told, I can't trust anyone anymore, not even those whom I considered close. How can you define someone as being 'close', anyway? If I were to do that, I guess it would go something like: those whom I LEAST expected to hurt me, yet they went and took a clear shot at my heart. WHY?! Why the hell do people make me such an easy target?!
I ain't paranoid - OK, maybe a LITTLE bit, but usually (95% of the time)the person turns out to be a total 'phoney'. Then, people have the NERVE to ask, 'why on earth do you live the life of a hermit?!' Do I have any freakin' choice?! Totally DISCOURAGED - friendships = trouble..99.99% of the time. Hell, even ACQUAINTANCES...they don't even come to the point of 'friendship'..!
And now...I'm goin' to start 'working'...Sunday...should I be wary of what the future's going to bring? 7mdella all-female, Islamic *I'm assumin' so..it IS an Islamic bank after all!* environment, so I don't have to worry about harassment from a couple of low-lives..and all those females are down-to-earth, married mommies..none of that nose-in-the-air attitude...very 'homey' place...should I be worried? Appearances have ALWAYS been deceptive, after all. Or am I just 'over-thinking'? Bro already warned me, 'Don't get too comfortable and friendly'. Wow...I have a contradicting personality RIGHT here!O_o Paranoid + friendly and 'out-going'.
Yeah, so where was I...? I hate happy endings. I tried reading a novel the other day, and put it down within a few minutes. Why? I used to be a MAJOR bookworm; 3 600+paged novels a day. It was too cheery for me. Oh, and I totally hate the 'Romance' genre. Dammit, men like that don't exist..so why feed us women such BS? This whole 'Romance' genre is what has shot our *females* emotions to hell. We build castles in the sky, only to have 'em bombed to hell and back. Some misleadin' BS it is. When I tell 'friends' this, they tell me I'm heartless. Yeah...maybe I am, but I'm still better off than they are. At least I have no heart left for some ruthless, selfish, egocentric, pompous fiend to break. Yep, better off I tell ya.
After I wrote my post, 'My Soul's Demise', my dearest mommie *Allah y7f'6ha w y5alleeha li* shared pearls of wisdom with me. One of which I really liked: Live in this world as though you are heartless, selfless, and expect NOTHING from others. This way, you won't have a heart for anyone to break; you won't get your hopes high, so no one will be able to crush them. She also said, 'do good, and do it ONLY for the sake of Allah..because you can NEVER expect His Creation to always appreciate you and be grateful to you, specially when they are ungrateful and don't appreciate HIM.' I tell ya, it's one thing to share these valuable pearls of wisdom wit y'all, and its a totally different thing to implement them yourself. Maybe this is why I'm sharin' em; I couldn't mold my life according to them, and I'm hopin' at least ONE of you can.
So..WHY am i writing this? I don't know. Therapy? ...Or maybe cuz...yes. It's because I hate happy endings.
PS. The 'new me' is mostly optimistic, even when life is the shits, but this old 'pessimistic' me just suppressed the new me for now.
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
4 comments:
Your bro was right. Be careful of anything that touts itself as Islamic, make sure it is.
Wise words from your mother. On both having a heart, and good deeds
"Love is sufficient unto love" - Kahlil Gibran
So are good deeds.
Don't know you but I freaking love your post. Agree 100%.
pretty long 'essay' there, agreed w/ u in most of the points, not so much in some slight things. don't worry, that doesn't mean i cannot relate to what u're saying. btw, this slight disagreement from my side is already resolved since u already said: "The 'new me' is mostly optimistic, even when life is the shits, but this old 'pessimistic' me just suppressed the new me for now."
The other thing is... i was always aware of deceptive looks and appearances, but some ppl are hard to doubt due to their kindness, but then the lightning strikes on ur back and before you know it you're too depressed to face the situation. it came to a point where i created another blog just to write about some situations that i needed to be written somewhere outside my head (poetry would've taken heaps of time, so i just wrote wat i thought).
also, even though most of my poems have some sort of conflict, dark-sided emotions, cruelty, etc in real life many individuals would describe me as optimistic. maybe these sort of writings are some sort of media to relieve minor/major situations that we come across!
thanx y'all..^_^
bu thyab: yeah..they probably are..bes sometimes i tend to get pessimistic in real life too..y3ni outwardly..most of the times, i just put on a front of this happy go-lucky girl when that happens tho..cuz i cant tolerate people's ridiculing or unnecessary and provocative questioning!
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