Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Desires

Salam 3lykm

Why? Why? Why?
I need someone to detach this heart, and throw it somewhere.
My heart and mind are going to drive me to insanity. Wait.
I'm already insane.
About someone I don't know; never seen; never heard.
Ma3gool??
The question is: Can you fall head over heels in love *wait..here's the catch..* with your spouse when:
1. They don't exist?
2. You don't know who it'll be?
3. You have a feeling...life might even end before a new one begins? *Don't ask!*

It's crazy, because I'M crazy - I perceive everything in a crazy way.
I over-think.
I DON'T have time to over-think. But I still do it.
It's not desperation for marriage - hell no. My rosy glasses broke AGES ago.
It's not seeking a way out of my parents' home...to get away from all these restrictions.
I love the restrictions. I learned to love them.
In fact, I can't live without some of them = I can't see myself with a passive guy.
I need someone...dominant. Takes over. Rules. <- Crazy? Read the first line of this paragraph. OK, either shut my heart in a box or...feed it to dogs.
Just.Get.Rid.Of.It!

Heart for sale - anyone interested?
OK, it's free - no price-tag on it...just take it away from me!
Never want it again - I don't want to feel.
I want my mind to function. Full control. No hindrance.
Right now, it's b-l-o-c-k-e-d.
This heart is like a tyrant. Taking over.

Can someone teach me how to switch it off?
Pump blood - emotionless.
Wait. Is that all it does?
So...my desires?
OMG...I've been pinning the blame!
On something else - does it have a name?
My self. It's not a typo. Two words. One meaning.
Ego.

That is out.
My heart is back in place. Guilt-free.
I smile. Not manically.
It's a peaceful smile. Of content.
The puzzle has been solved.
The picture is clear.
I'll analyze the picture later.
When my mind wakes up.
Or will it?

Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh

*ALL Readers are requested to kindly leave the thoughts they had, specifically as they read the post. It will help with a research I'm doing. Use the 'Anonymous commenter' feature, but please - your replies are needed for this post. Jzakm Allah 5ayr =)*

PS. I've not lost my mind - not yet, at least ;)

5 comments:

Bu Thyab said...

I have always wanted to produce this sort of 'thoughts'. short-sentenced, ups and downs, emotionally involving the reader, descriptive... just perfect!! yet, i don't know how to write this way. I just write full sentences when i involve 'my thoughts' in writing. when I write, I feel there's a barrier between my feelings and my words. thus, i tend to well-structured paragraphs... maybe i need to be more open to myself??? should i??


seriously, this piece of artwork can be related by any reader. I specially like the way u use font colours to emphasise specific words or phrases. well done!!

MIB said...

Yeah, you should! Forget about grammar - imagine your thoughts are writing. Give them control. It's not YOU; forget abt who might screen you or not. Just write. Soon, you'll be able to write REALLY personal stuff bs 'hidden' within words. MOST of my writing has hidden meanings btwn the lines. Meanings that no one has been able to decipher til today. ;)

Read the thing to yourself, and where you feel you lack, need improvement ASAP, have excess of..whatever the thing is..THAT'S what you should stress on - different color, make it bold, whatever you like!

This kinda 'therapy' I usually use when I'm in an EXTREME mood; I delete the posts later on. But this one was intended - I'd tell you the basis behind it, but others can read it, too! Fa maba - as it is..my lovely readers READ, w flew away -.- You're the ONLY one who bothered commenting!*hmph!*
Free 'entertainment' for 'em!

yalla ma3alaih, I'll tell you some day! Where how when..madry!xD

Meanwhile, try writing this way when you're really stressed out or confused about a certain situation. You'll see, it really DOES help!=D

Anonymous said...

Salam3aelikom...masha2allah your notes are quite therapeutic, not only to you but to those who read it. The writings are very truthful, just straight out of the heart, and that shows a great strength in you, that will definitley soon be put into action sometime not only words. I really enjoyed reading them, the way you write is totally not rigid and expresses immense emotions without no boundaries and no fear of criticism or misjudgements. Don't waste such talent, make sure you nourish it, for even higher goals.

Anonymous said...

yzak/ch Allah kil 5ayr fdnya wel a5irah for the kind words..you just put a smile on my face at a time I needed it the most..=)
It's great to know someone out there is benefiting from what I write..I was going to give up for fear of being labeled as a 'psycho', lol..

Anonymous said...

You will be a psycho, if u stop, keep the writings coming :)