Friday, February 22, 2008

Branded...A Failure

Salam 3alykm

The break-down period's over, Al7amdulillaah. *I think..*

My psychology professor wants to have a one-on-one with me; she thinks I might be psychotic..lol..

I agree; no one can go through the phases I went through & come out normal..& normal people don't really do or AVOID the things I do or avoid..

Yeah..it's going to be preeettyyy hard to find someone who can tolerate me, & accept me as I am...not many men want to get married to a psycho.

I said things I shouldn't have said in my 'melt-down', spoke about 'hatred'. 'Hate' is a really strong word, & we fail to comprehend it in all its depth. Come to think of it, I don't even hate my enemies..they tell you what you really are on your face; something your friends won't do. You look like a retard in a certain outfit, but your friends will say, " awwww...you look...*cough* gorgeous! " Yeah...they'll LIE to ya to make you feel good. I've been thinking a lot lately; fortunately enough, I don't hate any Muslim out there. *Bush & M5arref are a DIFFERENT story*

Anyway, life's complicated right now..I don't know what I'm doing half the time..I don't know where I'm headed..the worst thing I ALWAYS end up doing is upsetting people I love. I try to please, but it ALWAYS backfires on me. ...Doomed? That's what I think so, too.

People would be better off if I didn't exist...right? The world would be a better place with one-less lunatic. I've kinda reached the stage where I just give up...helpless & hopeless retard..lol...

I hate liars, cheats, & back-stabbers. I'd rather get run over a million times by a menacing nissan skyline, than face 'em. I try to think, 'why the hell do I always get trapped?' & I come up with one answer: I'm plain STUPID. Can't see beyond people's perceptions. I wish I could read minds; I'd stay clear outta their way then!

I'm feeling really weirded out right now; not depressed...but...I don't know..unhappy? Really unhappy...I'm not doing ANYTHING right; why the hell am I such a failure in life? لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين

I just want to apologize to all those who I've wronged, intentionally or unintentionally; to those whose days go bad because of me; to those I fail to make happy; to those who are always upset because of me; I'm really sorry..

To all those who know me: you deserve a better daughter, sister, student, & friend. I've failed...

4 comments:

Muneeb Saeed said...

u knw we men try not to get 'clones'

"I don't know where I'm headed..the worst thing I ALWAYS end up doing is upsetting people I love. I try to please, but it ALWAYS backfires on me."
join the club.
and abt reading ppl's mind.. try looking them inthe eye closely
read body language n just stay ziped b4 replying..
helps me..

cheer up sis :D

Anonymous said...

yeah, but no man wants a psychotic PATIENT to take care of, now do they?
screw it all to hell...

people? I don't want anyone around me..for now, I don't give a s**t about what people think; I just want to be left ALONE with my thoughts to give me company...I'm sick & tired of it all...

I know I sound like a happy go lucky girl, but that's only an escape from reality...never adopt what I do, adopt what I say, & you'll be doin' OK...

Thanks for tryin' to help lil bro..^_^

Muneeb Saeed said...

I dont really care abt ppl too.. that's is why sometimes ppl just look at me .. open mouthed.. they think tht since I LOOOOOOOOOVE HELPing out.. they can make me do anything..

so they think tht they can ask me crazy favours.. :(

np
guess ur online :P
ttyl

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I am..

btw, I already have a gmail account, but I prefer my hotmail one...that's my MAIN address

I have an aversion to gmail...why? personal reasons, best left undiscovered ^_^