Salam Allah 3lykm!
Hope y'all had a blast during 3eed - I celebrated mine to the MAX, in Madinat Er Rasool صلى الله عليه و سلم!=D Nothing could get better than this Rama'9an; I spent it with the people I love the MOST, and who I pray day and night, will soon become family, Inshalla.
Al7mdella I was in KSA from the 14th of Rama'9an - last 10 days were spent in Madinah. Surprisingly, this time the proposals were in full swing - marriage and WORK, too! xD E3temerna twice, bi fa'9lillaah - the 2nd time was HAAAARD, I must admit - daytime + while fasting! but it was SO TOTALLY worth it!=D
No, I didn't come back hitched as Mom had hoped I would :P but I certainly did come back a whole lot more happier than I went, and that's ALL that really matters!=D I was also teased a whole lot by everyone there because of the proposals; my aunt said I shouldn't remove my N8ab in the women's section either, because females are lookin' out for matches for their males!xD She's forgotten her daughters' beauty -both outter AND inner - exceeds mine!
I have a LOT of stories from the trip, but unfortunately..I'm not much of a blogger anymore..:P so this short update will have to do...for now! My sleeping pattern has flipped oh so very much that you'd think I've just come back from the States, not KSA:P
Ed3ooly please, I'm going to Pakistan shortly for exams, and I've already taken 2 weeks off uni for this 3mra trip...but like I always say: TOTALLY worth it!=D Uni starts Saturday...and YES..they've taken my weekend and screwed life up for me, yet ONCE again..bes ma3alaih..just two more semesters til I walk outta uni doors with a degree to show for my hard work!=D
As for poems...ya never know, this 'nocturnalness' might inspire me!;P
Until next time,
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Rebirth of Love
Salam 3lykm
Yes, a new POEM!:D Long time, eh?! I didn't know I STILL had it in me, but since I've not written in ages, comments would be GREATLY appreciated!
Yes, a new POEM!:D Long time, eh?! I didn't know I STILL had it in me, but since I've not written in ages, comments would be GREATLY appreciated!
The Rebirth of Love
Rays of hope spill over darkness
Yet a particular uncertainty still looms
She who was once left heartless
Then looked at love as a path to doom
The once magical words now became an eternal curse
She saw not the crimson roses, but the prickly thorns
She welcomed death as she hadn’t felt any pain as worse
As that because of which her own birth she’d mourn
She had stepped up a little closer to the flames to keep warm
Instead, they leapt up and engulfed her whole
Little did she know it would cause irreversible damage and harm
To her seemingly stable mind and immortal soul
Her screams were drowned by the roaring flames
A putrid smell of charred flesh filled the air
There was no one else other than herself to blame
As she had voluntary taken the steps towards the hellish lair..
She shudders at the morbidity of her own thoughts
And stares at the blossoming roses outside
While she musters up all the courage she’s got
To whisper a reality she had for long denied:
‘I Love You.’
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Alive & Kickin' - a Miracle...or a CURSE?:P
Salam 3lykm
No no, I didn't die in Pakistan or anything, w lillaah el7md..I've just been really caught up with life! I also have not been in the mood for blogging, and I seem to have lost all interest in poetry now! In fact, I haven't written anything since..hmm...Feb? I'll probably keep it that way - poetry gives me bitter-sweet memories, most of which I'd love to forget.
El muhem, soo...a lot has been going on in life - waaayed ups and downs, bes al7mdella all good. I had my driving THEORY exam on Sunday, and passed with flying colors: 34/35!:D Surprising, 'cuz I hadn't slept a WINK the night before xD Yeah, so I was let loose on the streets of AD - and judgin from the HORRENDOUS way I drove, AD streets ain't goin' to be safe no more!:P So y'all drivin' em flashy wheels, stay CLEEEAR away from me..or your babies are goin' to be dented & scratched in all possible places!xD The thing that terrifies the LIFE outta me is the final road test; 2 policemen in the car - one in the back seat, and one in the passenger seat! One was enough, dammit! I get nervy & jumpy around examiners, anyway!>.<
Back-trackin' to when I came back from Lahore: as soon as I got back, I suddenly went under a 7-day 'house-wife trainee' course, and I actually COOKED dinner*twice in those 7 days xD* which people ATE without getting food poisoning!*Mno gady?:P* Mom had gone to Karachi to meet her Mom & siblings...OH, not to mention...I also had a VERY CRAZY, 5 yr old to take care of...she kept my hands FULL! xD So yeah...it made me realize...I don't really like kids once they're beyond the age of 3 yrs old! I keep tellin' my Mom and friends I'll give mine up for adoption once they cross 3, and they all smirk at me and say, 'You won't have the HEART to do such a thing!' and 'yeah yeah, we'll see when the time comes!' *Believe me, people...it won't kill ya!xD*
Movin' on to the weather here --> Hot and oh-so-bloody-HUMID! UNBEARABLE >.< I passed out in my last driving class, and we still don't know why...it was an embarrassing experience! xD However, got hospitalized & discovered later on I have anemia! I've been sick for the past month or so now, ever since we got back from Pakistan...and it's become more or less like a joke at home - I've got swine flu:P I kinda got scared in between that maybe I really DO have it now, but even though I've been sick for a while now, I'm still functioning normally...whatever that might mean! xD The only thing is my voice has been fudged up MAJOR - friends and parents are like we've actually forgotten what you sound like when you're NOT sick! 3la kil 7aal Al7mdella! xD
Besides all that, got into a couple of uncomfortable situations - very stressful, too - bes all cleared out, w lillaah el7md. Ygooloon whatever goes around, comes around...and I didn't really believe in it SO STRONGLY for EVERYTHING. Bes walla...my experience has been such that...I now think three times before I do something. Walla y5awwef..! Currently...I've found contentment and peace of mind al7mdella. Here's hopin' it sticks around..! Kan shay amal ena I wouldn't be single by the end of this year....bes yalla ma3alaih - everything happens for a reason, right?
OK, this is a satisfactory update I believe...see you within the next few months or years!xD
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
No no, I didn't die in Pakistan or anything, w lillaah el7md..I've just been really caught up with life! I also have not been in the mood for blogging, and I seem to have lost all interest in poetry now! In fact, I haven't written anything since..hmm...Feb? I'll probably keep it that way - poetry gives me bitter-sweet memories, most of which I'd love to forget.
El muhem, soo...a lot has been going on in life - waaayed ups and downs, bes al7mdella all good. I had my driving THEORY exam on Sunday, and passed with flying colors: 34/35!:D Surprising, 'cuz I hadn't slept a WINK the night before xD Yeah, so I was let loose on the streets of AD - and judgin from the HORRENDOUS way I drove, AD streets ain't goin' to be safe no more!:P So y'all drivin' em flashy wheels, stay CLEEEAR away from me..or your babies are goin' to be dented & scratched in all possible places!xD The thing that terrifies the LIFE outta me is the final road test; 2 policemen in the car - one in the back seat, and one in the passenger seat! One was enough, dammit! I get nervy & jumpy around examiners, anyway!>.<
Back-trackin' to when I came back from Lahore: as soon as I got back, I suddenly went under a 7-day 'house-wife trainee' course, and I actually COOKED dinner*twice in those 7 days xD* which people ATE without getting food poisoning!*Mno gady?:P* Mom had gone to Karachi to meet her Mom & siblings...OH, not to mention...I also had a VERY CRAZY, 5 yr old to take care of...she kept my hands FULL! xD So yeah...it made me realize...I don't really like kids once they're beyond the age of 3 yrs old! I keep tellin' my Mom and friends I'll give mine up for adoption once they cross 3, and they all smirk at me and say, 'You won't have the HEART to do such a thing!' and 'yeah yeah, we'll see when the time comes!' *Believe me, people...it won't kill ya!xD*
Movin' on to the weather here --> Hot and oh-so-bloody-HUMID! UNBEARABLE >.< I passed out in my last driving class, and we still don't know why...it was an embarrassing experience! xD However, got hospitalized & discovered later on I have anemia! I've been sick for the past month or so now, ever since we got back from Pakistan...and it's become more or less like a joke at home - I've got swine flu:P I kinda got scared in between that maybe I really DO have it now, but even though I've been sick for a while now, I'm still functioning normally...whatever that might mean! xD The only thing is my voice has been fudged up MAJOR - friends and parents are like we've actually forgotten what you sound like when you're NOT sick! 3la kil 7aal Al7mdella! xD
Besides all that, got into a couple of uncomfortable situations - very stressful, too - bes all cleared out, w lillaah el7md. Ygooloon whatever goes around, comes around...and I didn't really believe in it SO STRONGLY for EVERYTHING. Bes walla...my experience has been such that...I now think three times before I do something. Walla y5awwef..! Currently...I've found contentment and peace of mind al7mdella. Here's hopin' it sticks around..! Kan shay amal ena I wouldn't be single by the end of this year....bes yalla ma3alaih - everything happens for a reason, right?
OK, this is a satisfactory update I believe...see you within the next few months or years!xD
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Leaving
Salam 3lykm
Quick post - I'm traveling tomorrow to Lahore for my exams...D3watkom very precious & needed at this time. My return is not guaranteed - if Allah has written death for me, then no one can delay it...thus, if I've wronged anyone intentionally or unintentionally, please forgive me.
Expected arrival back home: 25th July, and if you don't hear from me for a few days after, please start praying for my M'3firah..
Jazakm Allah 5ayr
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Quick post - I'm traveling tomorrow to Lahore for my exams...D3watkom very precious & needed at this time. My return is not guaranteed - if Allah has written death for me, then no one can delay it...thus, if I've wronged anyone intentionally or unintentionally, please forgive me.
Expected arrival back home: 25th July, and if you don't hear from me for a few days after, please start praying for my M'3firah..
Jazakm Allah 5ayr
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Therapeutic Rant
Salam 3lykm
How are y'all doin' doing? Looks like someone out there hates seeing me happy, which would explain the roller-coaster ride of a life I have. Awel shay, work is going great, al7mdella. I'm actually lookin' forward to it...anything to get outta here..
As I write, my left arm is throbbin' crazily with pain, and so is my head. Let's just say...I got 'roughened' up...I feel nauseated, and extremely hopeless. I was fighting with parents about not going to Pakistan this July...but now I say to hell with it. Lemme go...hopefully I'll get shot or something...the worst case is I'll die. It's not like I have anyone who'll mourn my death, right? Right. The reason I didn't want to go is I don't want to get stranded there. I'm not scared of dying in one of the many bomb blasts that are rockin' that country...hell no...no matter how big a munaf8a *hypocrite* I might be, I wish to die the death of a martyr *surprising, eh?* However, the thought of gettin' stranded in Pakistan makes me want to stab myself.
I should be studying right now, but I don't feel like doing anything. I feel so damn hopeless, it's not even funny anymore. What happened today is evidence that what I say holds no worth. I'd think that this whole 'roughening up' would have never happened, but no. I still got blamed. Lovely. Yes, I do realize that I hold no value - just a waste of space and precious oxygen. Would someone like to do the world a favor and suffocate me? 7asbyallah 3el yhood...*I find this more sophisticated than cussin' the life outta..well...life.* No matter how many times I bang my head against the wall, it doesn't make the headache go away. I'm feeling so bloody nauseated...HATE it.
I keep thinking, maybe if I had let it get bloody, I wouldn't have had to hear the blame. Oh, and I was also asked to apologize. Apologize for WHAT, Allah yr'9a 3lykm?? Here's someone who's calling me worse than filth and trash; physically abusing me; and then claiming I'm the one who respects no one. Yes, I'm supposed to respect someone like that...if you're reading this, DREAM ON! Don't worry, I won't tell the world who you are. No, my friend...I beg to differ. My attitude isn't as half as bad as your stuck up one, and I don't go beating weaker people up just 'cuz I GOT THE POWER. You think it scares me? It just shows your true colors. You show the world you're some kind of tolerant, peace-loving creature, whereas you're really a tyrant.
I think I'll stop banging my head in the wall now; I might end up busting it open instead. I've tried 6 panadols on an empty stomach in one go, and nothing happened to me
....How many panadols come in one tab again?
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
PS. I'm hanging from a VERY thin thread right now...forget straw. If this is what you call attention-seeking, so be it. I've done many irrational things before *deleting accounts, etc- it wouldn't hurt adding one more. DON'T TEMPT ME. If you don't like what's written here, I don't give a damn. This is MY domain, and NO ONE is going to tell ME what and what NOT to do here.
How are y'all doin' doing? Looks like someone out there hates seeing me happy, which would explain the roller-coaster ride of a life I have. Awel shay, work is going great, al7mdella. I'm actually lookin' forward to it...anything to get outta here..
As I write, my left arm is throbbin' crazily with pain, and so is my head. Let's just say...I got 'roughened' up...I feel nauseated, and extremely hopeless. I was fighting with parents about not going to Pakistan this July...but now I say to hell with it. Lemme go...hopefully I'll get shot or something...the worst case is I'll die. It's not like I have anyone who'll mourn my death, right? Right. The reason I didn't want to go is I don't want to get stranded there. I'm not scared of dying in one of the many bomb blasts that are rockin' that country...hell no...no matter how big a munaf8a *hypocrite* I might be, I wish to die the death of a martyr *surprising, eh?* However, the thought of gettin' stranded in Pakistan makes me want to stab myself.
I should be studying right now, but I don't feel like doing anything. I feel so damn hopeless, it's not even funny anymore. What happened today is evidence that what I say holds no worth. I'd think that this whole 'roughening up' would have never happened, but no. I still got blamed. Lovely. Yes, I do realize that I hold no value - just a waste of space and precious oxygen. Would someone like to do the world a favor and suffocate me? 7asbyallah 3el yhood...*I find this more sophisticated than cussin' the life outta..well...life.* No matter how many times I bang my head against the wall, it doesn't make the headache go away. I'm feeling so bloody nauseated...HATE it.
I keep thinking, maybe if I had let it get bloody, I wouldn't have had to hear the blame. Oh, and I was also asked to apologize. Apologize for WHAT, Allah yr'9a 3lykm?? Here's someone who's calling me worse than filth and trash; physically abusing me; and then claiming I'm the one who respects no one. Yes, I'm supposed to respect someone like that...if you're reading this, DREAM ON! Don't worry, I won't tell the world who you are. No, my friend...I beg to differ. My attitude isn't as half as bad as your stuck up one, and I don't go beating weaker people up just 'cuz I GOT THE POWER. You think it scares me? It just shows your true colors. You show the world you're some kind of tolerant, peace-loving creature, whereas you're really a tyrant.
I think I'll stop banging my head in the wall now; I might end up busting it open instead. I've tried 6 panadols on an empty stomach in one go, and nothing happened to me
....How many panadols come in one tab again?
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
PS. I'm hanging from a VERY thin thread right now...forget straw. If this is what you call attention-seeking, so be it. I've done many irrational things before *deleting accounts, etc- it wouldn't hurt adding one more. DON'T TEMPT ME. If you don't like what's written here, I don't give a damn. This is MY domain, and NO ONE is going to tell ME what and what NOT to do here.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Feeling Better, W Lillaah el 7md
Salam 3lykm
Awelen, I'm sorry for scaring some of my Readers out there; w lat5afow...this blog will stay for a long, long time..'til I have a partner in life to share my thoughts, happiness, and grief with. =) *yeah, the future is lookin' pretty bleak, so I might be bloggin' here 10 years from now, too!-.-*
I want to thank all those who sent me emails, text messages, and called me up on reading this post. Walla mag9rtow..w Allah yjzeekm kil5ayr fdnya wel a5ira. Al7mdella, I'm feelin' a whole lot better now. I made a few spontaneous decisions in my life, and got rid of a few 'connections' *no, not GUYS -.-* For now, I've stopped worrying about the things people think and say - it hurts, bes yalla..ma3alaih. Give & Forgive
Have recieved two job offers while at internship xD Mom rejected 'em both, bes what she didn't know is I rejected them BEFORE she did! The 'big boss' told me off - she said I'm letting my qualifications go to 'waste'. Ay qualifications, Allah yr'9a 3laych...knowing 3 languages makes me 'qualified'? xD Bes the best thing is seeing their expressions when they find out I'm not Arab :P Bdait a9addeg 3mry 3aaad..LOL! Customers look at me like this O_o when I say I'm 'Kashmiri' - walla it's fun...the whole 'guessing game' :P
When I think about it..yeah, I probably am 'wasting' my qualifications, but I'm in no favor of slaving around for men in a corporation. Uh Uh, no way. I'm literally tallying off the days left like a prisoner in his cell. Five more weeks of this, and I'll be a free girl again!
Aiiight, I forgot what I was going to say cuz I have a 'time limit'...*bro's home -.-*
'Til next time xD
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi t3ala w Barakateh
Awelen, I'm sorry for scaring some of my Readers out there; w lat5afow...this blog will stay for a long, long time..'til I have a partner in life to share my thoughts, happiness, and grief with. =) *yeah, the future is lookin' pretty bleak, so I might be bloggin' here 10 years from now, too!-.-*
I want to thank all those who sent me emails, text messages, and called me up on reading this post. Walla mag9rtow..w Allah yjzeekm kil5ayr fdnya wel a5ira. Al7mdella, I'm feelin' a whole lot better now. I made a few spontaneous decisions in my life, and got rid of a few 'connections' *no, not GUYS -.-* For now, I've stopped worrying about the things people think and say - it hurts, bes yalla..ma3alaih. Give & Forgive
Have recieved two job offers while at internship xD Mom rejected 'em both, bes what she didn't know is I rejected them BEFORE she did! The 'big boss' told me off - she said I'm letting my qualifications go to 'waste'. Ay qualifications, Allah yr'9a 3laych...knowing 3 languages makes me 'qualified'? xD Bes the best thing is seeing their expressions when they find out I'm not Arab :P Bdait a9addeg 3mry 3aaad..LOL! Customers look at me like this O_o when I say I'm 'Kashmiri' - walla it's fun...the whole 'guessing game' :P
When I think about it..yeah, I probably am 'wasting' my qualifications, but I'm in no favor of slaving around for men in a corporation. Uh Uh, no way. I'm literally tallying off the days left like a prisoner in his cell. Five more weeks of this, and I'll be a free girl again!
Aiiight, I forgot what I was going to say cuz I have a 'time limit'...*bro's home -.-*
'Til next time xD
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi t3ala w Barakateh
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Depression Takin' Over?
Salam 3lykm
The title says it all; I'm feeling severely depressed. My family's begun to notice my really messed up mood swings, and right now I'm on the verge of tears. I don't know what's brought this all upon me again, but I feel like going into isolation once more. Have even been playing with the idea of deleting this blog, and leaving the net world completely. I'm even considering giving up writing, because as it is...I'm not getting any encouragement whatsoever from my family. I know they don't mean to hurt me, and they're just joking around...but being called crazy really cuts deep now. I've begun to doubt myself, and it really hurts..not having any support. I don't mean to whine about my life, and like bro says...I know I'm complaining which could lead to ungratefulness, but I can't take it anymore. I'm being misunderstood...or maybe...maybe I'm just crazy.
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
PS. Being called an attention-seeker by my bro for writing up on my blog was like a slap on my face. He claims if I wasn't, then this blog would be totally private without any readers..something like a diary. I'm beginning to doubt myself now...so...if you fail to find this blog within a couple of days, please don't be surprised.
The title says it all; I'm feeling severely depressed. My family's begun to notice my really messed up mood swings, and right now I'm on the verge of tears. I don't know what's brought this all upon me again, but I feel like going into isolation once more. Have even been playing with the idea of deleting this blog, and leaving the net world completely. I'm even considering giving up writing, because as it is...I'm not getting any encouragement whatsoever from my family. I know they don't mean to hurt me, and they're just joking around...but being called crazy really cuts deep now. I've begun to doubt myself, and it really hurts..not having any support. I don't mean to whine about my life, and like bro says...I know I'm complaining which could lead to ungratefulness, but I can't take it anymore. I'm being misunderstood...or maybe...maybe I'm just crazy.
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
PS. Being called an attention-seeker by my bro for writing up on my blog was like a slap on my face. He claims if I wasn't, then this blog would be totally private without any readers..something like a diary. I'm beginning to doubt myself now...so...if you fail to find this blog within a couple of days, please don't be surprised.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Happy Endings
Salam 3lykm
Sh7alkm Readers? Yes, I'm back to bloggin' now..for today. I'm feeling annoyed right now, madry laysh. Happy endings make me sick. They don't even EXIST in reality, so why the hell bother with 'em? If you haven't already guessed, aba at7r6am w a6alle3 elli ef 5a6ry, lol.
I don't like stories anymore; they all have boring, predictable happy endings. Once upon a time, when I used to live in a bubble of my own, where everything was all about 'rainbows and butterflies' *not literally!*...I didn't seem to notice them...and it was all good. However, after I stepped into the real world, and was made to faced Bsing, backstabbing, cheating, lying, hypocritical creatures...I realized, and in VERY BLUNT terms: this world is NOTHING but gold-plated SHIT.
See, in REALITY...things START all happy, and then end in heart-breaks...THAT'S the real deal. Mind you, I ain't talkin' about lovey-dovey relationships and what-not. Hell no, that's just BS altogether = hogwash = DOESN'T EXIST. What I'm tryn'a say here is..why the hell do people keep frontin'?
Truth be told, I can't trust anyone anymore, not even those whom I considered close. How can you define someone as being 'close', anyway? If I were to do that, I guess it would go something like: those whom I LEAST expected to hurt me, yet they went and took a clear shot at my heart. WHY?! Why the hell do people make me such an easy target?!
I ain't paranoid - OK, maybe a LITTLE bit, but usually (95% of the time)the person turns out to be a total 'phoney'. Then, people have the NERVE to ask, 'why on earth do you live the life of a hermit?!' Do I have any freakin' choice?! Totally DISCOURAGED - friendships = trouble..99.99% of the time. Hell, even ACQUAINTANCES...they don't even come to the point of 'friendship'..!
And now...I'm goin' to start 'working'...Sunday...should I be wary of what the future's going to bring? 7mdella all-female, Islamic *I'm assumin' so..it IS an Islamic bank after all!* environment, so I don't have to worry about harassment from a couple of low-lives..and all those females are down-to-earth, married mommies..none of that nose-in-the-air attitude...very 'homey' place...should I be worried? Appearances have ALWAYS been deceptive, after all. Or am I just 'over-thinking'? Bro already warned me, 'Don't get too comfortable and friendly'. Wow...I have a contradicting personality RIGHT here!O_o Paranoid + friendly and 'out-going'.
Yeah, so where was I...? I hate happy endings. I tried reading a novel the other day, and put it down within a few minutes. Why? I used to be a MAJOR bookworm; 3 600+paged novels a day. It was too cheery for me. Oh, and I totally hate the 'Romance' genre. Dammit, men like that don't exist..so why feed us women such BS? This whole 'Romance' genre is what has shot our *females* emotions to hell. We build castles in the sky, only to have 'em bombed to hell and back. Some misleadin' BS it is. When I tell 'friends' this, they tell me I'm heartless. Yeah...maybe I am, but I'm still better off than they are. At least I have no heart left for some ruthless, selfish, egocentric, pompous fiend to break. Yep, better off I tell ya.
After I wrote my post, 'My Soul's Demise', my dearest mommie *Allah y7f'6ha w y5alleeha li* shared pearls of wisdom with me. One of which I really liked: Live in this world as though you are heartless, selfless, and expect NOTHING from others. This way, you won't have a heart for anyone to break; you won't get your hopes high, so no one will be able to crush them. She also said, 'do good, and do it ONLY for the sake of Allah..because you can NEVER expect His Creation to always appreciate you and be grateful to you, specially when they are ungrateful and don't appreciate HIM.' I tell ya, it's one thing to share these valuable pearls of wisdom wit y'all, and its a totally different thing to implement them yourself. Maybe this is why I'm sharin' em; I couldn't mold my life according to them, and I'm hopin' at least ONE of you can.
So..WHY am i writing this? I don't know. Therapy? ...Or maybe cuz...yes. It's because I hate happy endings.
PS. The 'new me' is mostly optimistic, even when life is the shits, but this old 'pessimistic' me just suppressed the new me for now.
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Sh7alkm Readers? Yes, I'm back to bloggin' now..for today. I'm feeling annoyed right now, madry laysh. Happy endings make me sick. They don't even EXIST in reality, so why the hell bother with 'em? If you haven't already guessed, aba at7r6am w a6alle3 elli ef 5a6ry, lol.
I don't like stories anymore; they all have boring, predictable happy endings. Once upon a time, when I used to live in a bubble of my own, where everything was all about 'rainbows and butterflies' *not literally!*...I didn't seem to notice them...and it was all good. However, after I stepped into the real world, and was made to faced Bsing, backstabbing, cheating, lying, hypocritical creatures...I realized, and in VERY BLUNT terms: this world is NOTHING but gold-plated SHIT.
See, in REALITY...things START all happy, and then end in heart-breaks...THAT'S the real deal. Mind you, I ain't talkin' about lovey-dovey relationships and what-not. Hell no, that's just BS altogether = hogwash = DOESN'T EXIST. What I'm tryn'a say here is..why the hell do people keep frontin'?
Truth be told, I can't trust anyone anymore, not even those whom I considered close. How can you define someone as being 'close', anyway? If I were to do that, I guess it would go something like: those whom I LEAST expected to hurt me, yet they went and took a clear shot at my heart. WHY?! Why the hell do people make me such an easy target?!
I ain't paranoid - OK, maybe a LITTLE bit, but usually (95% of the time)the person turns out to be a total 'phoney'. Then, people have the NERVE to ask, 'why on earth do you live the life of a hermit?!' Do I have any freakin' choice?! Totally DISCOURAGED - friendships = trouble..99.99% of the time. Hell, even ACQUAINTANCES...they don't even come to the point of 'friendship'..!
And now...I'm goin' to start 'working'...Sunday...should I be wary of what the future's going to bring? 7mdella all-female, Islamic *I'm assumin' so..it IS an Islamic bank after all!* environment, so I don't have to worry about harassment from a couple of low-lives..and all those females are down-to-earth, married mommies..none of that nose-in-the-air attitude...very 'homey' place...should I be worried? Appearances have ALWAYS been deceptive, after all. Or am I just 'over-thinking'? Bro already warned me, 'Don't get too comfortable and friendly'. Wow...I have a contradicting personality RIGHT here!O_o Paranoid + friendly and 'out-going'.
Yeah, so where was I...? I hate happy endings. I tried reading a novel the other day, and put it down within a few minutes. Why? I used to be a MAJOR bookworm; 3 600+paged novels a day. It was too cheery for me. Oh, and I totally hate the 'Romance' genre. Dammit, men like that don't exist..so why feed us women such BS? This whole 'Romance' genre is what has shot our *females* emotions to hell. We build castles in the sky, only to have 'em bombed to hell and back. Some misleadin' BS it is. When I tell 'friends' this, they tell me I'm heartless. Yeah...maybe I am, but I'm still better off than they are. At least I have no heart left for some ruthless, selfish, egocentric, pompous fiend to break. Yep, better off I tell ya.
After I wrote my post, 'My Soul's Demise', my dearest mommie *Allah y7f'6ha w y5alleeha li* shared pearls of wisdom with me. One of which I really liked: Live in this world as though you are heartless, selfless, and expect NOTHING from others. This way, you won't have a heart for anyone to break; you won't get your hopes high, so no one will be able to crush them. She also said, 'do good, and do it ONLY for the sake of Allah..because you can NEVER expect His Creation to always appreciate you and be grateful to you, specially when they are ungrateful and don't appreciate HIM.' I tell ya, it's one thing to share these valuable pearls of wisdom wit y'all, and its a totally different thing to implement them yourself. Maybe this is why I'm sharin' em; I couldn't mold my life according to them, and I'm hopin' at least ONE of you can.
So..WHY am i writing this? I don't know. Therapy? ...Or maybe cuz...yes. It's because I hate happy endings.
PS. The 'new me' is mostly optimistic, even when life is the shits, but this old 'pessimistic' me just suppressed the new me for now.
Wes Salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Monday, May 25, 2009
Hypocrites
Salam 3lykm
What a title to come back with, eh? Bes, they're all around. It sickens you to the MAX when you know what the person REALLY is, and then you see 'em frontin'. I should be studyin' for my final exam - Business Systems Analysis & Design - but I frankly couldn't care anymore. It seriously speaks for itself -'B SAD' <- on the other hand, should'a been 'B MAD', because that's what it does to me!>.< B7med Rabbi low I get a B - why the hell do we have to learn about information systems, anyway?! That's the IT department's job, dammit..and I don't want to hear ANYMORE about how managers today are 'changing'. I ain't goin' to be workin', anyway!
Anyway, back to the post. So, I wrote 4 lines; they might make sense, and then again, they might not. It looks like I'm really losin' hold on my poetry now - burned out. Lemme leave ya with the pessimistic ramblings of her royal psychotic-ness. Comments appreciated, as always...bes if you want to be your usual lazy selves....well, you...CAN'T! I DEMAND comments or this blog is goin'..HMPH!-.- ...Dream on, haters - would I give you satisfaction so easy?=)
How many people smile hypocritically in your face?
How many blatantly lie when they claim they care?
Sometimes, with mockery their words are laced
And hatred burns behind their glassy stares
D3watkom needed y'all..exam from 730-930..PM not AM...yeah...ADU thinks we have no life, so now they've begun takin' our nights away, too. 2 more semesters to go...*sighs frustratedly*
Wes salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
What a title to come back with, eh? Bes, they're all around. It sickens you to the MAX when you know what the person REALLY is, and then you see 'em frontin'. I should be studyin' for my final exam - Business Systems Analysis & Design - but I frankly couldn't care anymore. It seriously speaks for itself -'B SAD' <- on the other hand, should'a been 'B MAD', because that's what it does to me!>.< B7med Rabbi low I get a B - why the hell do we have to learn about information systems, anyway?! That's the IT department's job, dammit..and I don't want to hear ANYMORE about how managers today are 'changing'. I ain't goin' to be workin', anyway!
Anyway, back to the post. So, I wrote 4 lines; they might make sense, and then again, they might not. It looks like I'm really losin' hold on my poetry now - burned out. Lemme leave ya with the pessimistic ramblings of her royal psychotic-ness. Comments appreciated, as always...bes if you want to be your usual lazy selves....well, you...CAN'T! I DEMAND comments or this blog is goin'..HMPH!-.- ...Dream on, haters - would I give you satisfaction so easy?=)
How many people smile hypocritically in your face?
How many blatantly lie when they claim they care?
Sometimes, with mockery their words are laced
And hatred burns behind their glassy stares
D3watkom needed y'all..exam from 730-930..PM not AM...yeah...ADU thinks we have no life, so now they've begun takin' our nights away, too. 2 more semesters to go...*sighs frustratedly*
Wes salam 3lykm w Ra7matullahi T3ala w Barakateh
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Back..& PUBLIC!
Salam 3lykm
How have my Dearest Readers been? I'm back after an ultra-long break, and yes...I've gone public again =) As for the post I wrote before this...that was my past. I have started afresh, Al7mdulillah..and may the newlyweds live happily ever after..
I have a LOT in life keepin' me really busy right now, so for now...y'all have access to the old posts, right? xD Cherish what you have!;P
I have not written any poems after 'My Soul's Demise'...but here's to hopin' it's not my last...
Finals 'round the corner, internship right after, and exams in Pakistan...followed by Fall 2009 xD
Yes...I wasn't kiddin' when I said I'm BUSY! xD
Bes Inshalla..inspiration will come a-knockin' on my door some day, and I'll tell ya'll how it goes...in the form of a poem ;P
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi t3ala w Barakateh
How have my Dearest Readers been? I'm back after an ultra-long break, and yes...I've gone public again =) As for the post I wrote before this...that was my past. I have started afresh, Al7mdulillah..and may the newlyweds live happily ever after..
I have a LOT in life keepin' me really busy right now, so for now...y'all have access to the old posts, right? xD Cherish what you have!;P
I have not written any poems after 'My Soul's Demise'...but here's to hopin' it's not my last...
Finals 'round the corner, internship right after, and exams in Pakistan...followed by Fall 2009 xD
Yes...I wasn't kiddin' when I said I'm BUSY! xD
Bes Inshalla..inspiration will come a-knockin' on my door some day, and I'll tell ya'll how it goes...in the form of a poem ;P
Wes Salam 3lykm w R7matullahi t3ala w Barakateh
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